How 'bout some Woody Allen then?:

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

I'm a pretty good lover because I practice alot when I'm alone.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Sex relieves tension -- love causes it.

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.