Anyway, the conker championships. There are an awful lot of extremely pissed people with conkers on strings bashing the hell out of other conkers on strings held by the opposing person.
A fine story! You Brits really are a bit eccentric, what? We made conkers ourselves as kids in Ontario only we didn't have a name for them. And we didn't use them to "conk" anyone else's conker either. We used them like boleros. We swung the 'conkers' around our heads until they achieved a furious speed and then we let them loose in the direction of a human target some distance away. We weren't very good at it ... fortunately. Smashing a conker seems a bit of a waste of a good conk, which explains, perhaps, why serious conkers prefer to get conked on beer before they get down to conketition. Thanks for your story.