|
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
>Every year people throw hundreds of bikes into the channels. Why should the serious-minded Dutch do such a thing if not to cater for the need of their fish ?< Maybe they are under the influence of all those drugs so freely available in Amsterdam?  ...maybe this is how they are able to communicate enough with the fish to know that they need bicycles? (stepping into seriousness for one brief moment: Jackie, yes, there are people everywhere who are lacking necessities. That is one of the reasons those of us who have them should stop once in a while and think about 'need' versus 'want'. My post was flippant, but any punch it had came from the fact that much of the time we don't really bother to distinguish and this time I did. ..oh my God, I wanted to be serious not pious, but I think I failed!)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
The last fish I spoke to had no revolutionary tendencies.
Yes, I imagine they would find it difficult to pedal!
Man, I LOVE this place !!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2
stranger
|
|
stranger
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2 |
From "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger, Third Eye":
'It all came back to me like a good snort of scotch.'
'Suddenly it hit me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist.'
- by the Firesign Theater
If I may skirt the scatalogical, here's a quote from Drill Sergeant Hendrix, whom we called "The Sergeant Hendrix Experience". You may think it's a metaphor. It's not:
"Charlie Battery, you been jerkin' me off - and I'm gonna come all over you!"
He really was one.
I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa; not yelling and screaming, like his passengers.
I want to die in my sleep, like my grandpa; not yelling and screaming, like his passengers.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,094
old hand
|
|
old hand
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,094 |
Hey. . .Bobby went back on subject! He's not allowed to do that!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Bobby went back on subject! He's not allowed to do that!
Ah, but this group staying on topic would be as likely as a
fish riding a bicycle.
|
|
|
#4589
09/21/2000 11:52 AM
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
> this group staying on topic would be as likely as a
fish riding a bicycle
topic, schmopic - what does it matter so long as a fish loves his bicycle!
(ever notice how the feminists assume the gender of the fish...)
|
|
|
#4590
09/21/2000 12:13 PM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
(ever notice how the feminists assume the gender of the fish...)Oh, no, no, no, no, no--feminism is a YART. Trust me, PLENTY has been said on this a'ready. 'Sides, you're the one who just said hisbicycle, so I reckon you as good as announced that you're a feminist. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027
old hand
|
|
old hand
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027 |
>..as likely as a fish riding a bicycle< Now you are jumping to conclusions again, and making unwarranted assumptions. Who said the fish needed the bike for riding? (my neighbours most certainly have bought their bikes for showing off).
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
The last fish I spoke to had no revolutionary tendencies
Obviously not a Red Mullet
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Who said the fish needed the bike for riding
Thus spoke Zarathustra?
Maybe they've been framed
I'll stop before you all get tyred of it, but I couldn't resist saddling you with that one.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027
old hand
|
|
old hand
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,027 |
While going round some bends, this thread reaches new heights !
|
|
|
#4595
09/22/2000 10:31 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460 |
or perhaps it was a red herring?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
While going round some bends, this thread reaches new heights
Like when a fish cycles up a mountain road?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
> Like when a fish cycles up a mountain road
John Denver's not good for the brain, Hilary!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
John Denver's not good for the brain
Watch it, Bub--John Denver is my all-time favorite singer,
more really for his attitude and song-writing than voice, however. He was wonderful, and I mourn for all the songs
he'll never write.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
John Denver is my all-time favorite singer, more really for his attitude and song-writing than voice, however. He was wonderful, and I mourn for all the songs he'll never write.Your meat is definitely my poison, Jackie. What do you get if you play a country record backwards? You get your woman back, your job back, and your house back.
|
|
|
#4600
09/24/2000 10:10 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
All right, Max, I am not--quite--bristling up, on account of you not only being so sweet, but not from the U.S.
This is the second time you have said that music I like is
"country" music, and I cannot let this one pass. Here, the
definition of country music is a song that consists of, but is not limited to, a twangy dobro (yuck), a nasal, twangy
voice (yuck), and some variation on the theme: "well she done gone and left me, and I'm cryin' in my beer" (double yuck).
'Cool water', and most of John Denver's songs are what I call folk songs or ballads, something altogether different. I will admit that some of my hero's songs could sound "country" if performed in a different way by a different vocalist, but the way he sang them was not country singing. He loved his family, he loved the earth,
he loved life, and his songs praised and glorified all of those, even the sadder aspects. Do you know the words to
"Matthew"? His lyrics paint crystal-clear pictures, and tell some very poignant stories.
I could go on, but this soapbox is starting to get slippery from my tears.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 200
enthusiast
|
|
enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 200 |
just a quick word of support for jackie here.
try "annie's song" out on your non-country speakers and then judge the man.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 347
enthusiast
|
|
enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 347 |
I thought perhaps people would enjoy sharing some favorite similes that have been composed, or just read somewhere.
Forgive me, all, for returning to the original subject, but I just rediscovered what purports to be a list of winning entries in a "worst analogies ever written in an essay" contest. Here are just a few:
"She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again."
"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."
"The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542 |
this has been mentioned here before, but here is the "Lyttony of Grand Prize Winners" http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/lyttony.htm
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
"Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."
Thanks, for that, Marty - a great laugh was just what I needed to help restore my bonhomie after a 12 hour blackout.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
"Lyttony of Grand Prize Winners"
Brilliant! Thank you, tsuwm
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Forgive me, all, for returning to the original subject
But the endless charm of this string is the tendency to lurch around a bend as sickening as a fairground ride, yet periodically return to topic with the sudden flick of attention like one of those strange sticky green things that grab your ankles when coming through a clearing in the middle of the jungle whilst on holiday but lost somewhere deep in the rainforests of South America.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,981 |
>What do you get if you play a country record backwards? You get your woman back, your job back, and your house back.
Of course all art forms are open to a little un-ravelling.
Take some of these songs/genres backwards and insert the following phrase:
Opera – eg La Traviata
“So the doctor said, “take these new antibiotics, they will do you a world of good”…..”
Blues –
“So I decided that springing out of bed on a lovely sunny day was so important to me that I should give up women and alcohol …”
Folk – eg Simon & Garfunkle’s “Homeward Bound”
“I was always grateful that my parents steered me into a happy and successful job in the Civil Service …”
Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t she Lovely?”
“My wife was very pleased with the new contraceptive prescribed by the doctor….”
Songs by Leonard Cohen
“So I took the Prozac and everything seemed a lot brighter …”
Songs by Barry Manilow
“Participating in team sports has always been very important to me, I’ve never had much time to spend with members of the opposite sex …”
Heavy Metal
“I grew to love quiet natural sounds, the bee humming as it hovered over the flowers, the gentle trickle of water in a stream ….”
Rap
“I’ve always found that speaking slowly and clearly is the best way to be understood …”
Country and Western – Eg Tammy Wynette
“The divorce was really quite straightforward ….”
or
“I headed off to the bright lights of New York to take up a career in banking … ”
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
>try "annie's song" out on your non-country speakers and then judge the man.
But his grasp of geography was suspect at best. His song about West Virginia implies quite strongly that the Shenandoah River is in WV. Take a close look at a US map. The total length of the Shenandoah, North and South branches and then Shenandoah itself, is about 300 miles. Only the last five miles or so is in WV. The vastly greater part is in Virginia.
TEd
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Only the last five miles or so is in WV.
And the anchor man (cf YAT) holds only the last few yards of the rope. Nevertheless, he is still part of the team.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
But his grasp of geography was suspect at bestGRR! Ted, I am definitely bristled up, now! SO WHAT??? If part of the river is there, then it IS THERE!! Speaking of semantics: he didn't say the whole river was contained in WV, DID HE???? He certainly knew a lot about geography, sir! He wrote songs about Alaska, Africa, and did a TV special from Ayers Rock, because he had BEEN to these places, and more besides! OOOOH!  Do NOT malign my hero!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Geez, I've bent 'round the nudge right along with my thread.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
along with my thread
Jackie, this lil' thread is gonna to run and run like a...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
I'd like to straighten out this thread by going back to the original subject of similes and then tie it in a knot with the Olympic (Australian) vocabulary.
HOw to do this? Insert one of my favourite pieces of Australian slang:
'I'll be off like a bucket of prawns in the sun.'
Yes, prawns, NOT shrimps.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460 |
Just watched film noir classic 'Out of the past' which included the line "A lady with a rod [ie gun] is like a man with a knitting needle". Your turn, Freudians!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
"A lady with a rod [ie gun] is like a man with a knitting needle". Your turn, Freudians!
Vell, wat ve haf here iss de classic sexual stereotypink.
|
|
|
#4616
10/02/2000 11:53 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460 |
<Vell, wat ve haf here iss de classic sexual stereotypink.>
Welcome to the board, Sigmund. Heard any good dreams lately?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
"A lady with a rod [ie gun] is like a man with a knitting needle"
Reminds me of the Good Doctor Johnson, who is alleged to have said, referring to the writing of Lady Novelists, "A woman writing (novels) is like a dog walking on its hind legs. One wonders not that it is done well, but that it is done at all"
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
It was actually a woman preaching . The full anecdote can be found here: http://www.concordance.com/cgi-bin/letsr.pl Bingley
Bingley
|
|
|
#4619
10/05/2000 11:23 AM
|
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460
addict
|
|
addict
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 460 |
< lady with a rod>
After watching the film again, I need to amend the quote to "a dame with a rod". I should have known better than to refer to a lady in a film noir!
|
|
|
#4620
10/05/2000 11:30 PM
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 56
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 56 |
i can't think of any appropriate similes. I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball ?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
|
|
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
Welcome lapsus linguae.
A slippery customer like you would probably drop the bowling ball.
Bingley
Bingley
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
|
|
Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
It was actually a woman preaching Abject apologies to all.  It came from a teacher of mine from roughly a hundred years ago, who pointed out at the time that she was combining the wisdom of Johnson with the wit of Gilbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 56
journeyman
|
|
journeyman
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 56 |
G'day
For a stranger in a strange land it's often a temptation to pick up loose threads and run with them, go with the flow or grab the bull by the horns but sometimes discretion is the better part of valour and one should look before they leap to avoid stepping on other peoples toes or getting run over by fish riding bicycles. This may all sound like some tyred old clique but what goes around comes around.
Which leads me to my point, fish can't ride bicycles, they don't have any hands to hold the handle bars.
|
|
|
|
|
