This has probably done the email rounds by now, but for those that haven't seen it....1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
9. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
11. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
12. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
13. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
14. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
15. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
16. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
17. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
18. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
19. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
20. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
21. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
22. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
RE:I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
in Japan, there are "training chopsticks" that are smaller than normal chopsticks, and slightly more tapered. but the tapered ends have a series of concentric rings, that form ridges. My neice, at eighteen months was adept at using them to pick up a single, glintening pickled fish egg.. the roe, not caviar, was about the size of a lentil.
1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity.
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for entering - so you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in our Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.*
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.
8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.
9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left unlocked.
Hi, F! In color photography, the negative's colors differ from the positive's; e.g., an area that is green in the negative will become red in the final print; and conversely, a red area will be output as green. So too in Faldage, as I understand it, a yellow input (beer) is transmuted into a clear output; and conversely, a clear input yields a yellow output.
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? and, while stumbling about dizzily, an Occident waiting to happen?
I thought Pommy's and the rest of you lot took "elevenes" -- unless you had stopped for the day, and went home had your tea. american take coffee breaks, (during which we might or migh not drink coffee) and you guys take elevenes at which you might or might not drink tea. but you don't take tea breaks. Tea, when you take it, and how, is determined by class. Tea means very different things to different people. In US, Tea is a 2pm to 4pm womens social.
Uh-huh. There's that "if it ain't used in the US, it don't exist" attitude again. Well done, Kaintuck! Uh huh, right. Well, people may take breaks, and they may drink tea during those breaks, but nobody in all the world ever takes a "tea break". So, hah!
People in offices have a tea break in the morning and another one in the afternoon. Elevensies, to me, is what you actually consume during the morning one, maybe some biscuits (preferably chocolate digestives) and a cup of tea or coffee, rather than the break itself.
To me, tea is a light meal for children when they get home from school in the afternoon.
To me, tea is a light meal for children when they get home from school in the afternoon.
and high tea is a heavyish meal in lieu of a supper, usually when people do not cook because they are too busy watching a coronation or a royal wedding on the telly
that I am not of the world Max, you said it, not I! Yes, I'll concede that people where you live, and Bingley's office people TAKE tea breaks, but do they CALL them tea breaks? [raising chin, narrowing eyes, in an "I dare you to contradict me" posture]
I think that Jackie has already won. You just have to think about the language she is using. I think I posted a long time ago that I had heard that in the USA, irony had to be taught as a second language. Here you have a prime example of Jackie trying to speak in the new language that we have been trying to teach her all this time, just a little tweaking is needed and she'll be word perfect.
[gold]Gold star Jackie, go to the the top of the class. Keep chivvying away at it, you'll go far (maybe not where you'd like, but definitely far!)[/gold]
Oh deary me oh my! I found it very confusing in Ireland -- about the use of "tea". If I wanted just a cup of tea I learned to ask for "a cup in my hand" The cousins gave the children an early meal (about 5 p.m.) that they called the "chidren's tea" but was what I would call dinner (meat, potato, veg etc followed by a dessert.) When traveling thru the countryside I usually took myself to an early dinner (about 6 p.m.) and ordered from the "tea menu", again steak, potato, vegetable which is what I would have at home (USA) for main evening meal. Then, I was once invited to "Tea" at 4 p.m.-ish by a very nice young couple I met and was served a variety of sandwiches from which to choose, both open face and regular, petit fours, a georgeous cake and of course, a variety of teas or coffee were offered. A real ceremony, all beautifully done with fabulous china, linen napkins, doilys on the plates and with a silver service and all. Phew! Now that was a "TEA!" Is it about the same in UK?
ah think ah recawl that down in ol kaintuck, th' home o' that deelahtful nectaar known as th' mint julep, ain't nobody would waste thar tastebuds on a silly ol' "tea!.
As one old Kentucky Colonel said, explaining why he always closed his eyes while imbibing, "The sight of a good bourbon makes mah mouth water -- and suh, I will not stand to have mah drink diluted!"
Or : "As the Governor of North Carolina said to the Governor of South Caroline 'It's a mighty long time between drinks'."
This is a phrase I've heard when anyone is *waiting ... Although the comment is usually met with a smile and a nod (around these parts anyway) what its origin is I know not.
I believe that sump oil is what we USns call crankcase oil, since I seem to remember that in foreign English the crankcase of a car is called the "sump". Right, Max? or am I having a nightmare instead of a recollection of recherche trivia?
If I'm right, I would, following Max's example, say that when it comes to tea, I would rather drink sump oil than that Earl Grey blend with the bergamot flavor. Any other tea is fine, as long as we're talking about real tea, not those herb brews labelled 'tea' such as chamomile, red zinger and other concoctions beloved of hippies.
Wherefore comes the use of the term "sump pump" to describe an underwater pump for the ejection of drain tile (storm run-off) water? It sounds like the color of that water may resemble "sump oil"(the tea)... or vice-versa.
BYB you are dating yourself sweetie. I have not heard that expression since the 70's.
Actually, those teas are extremely popular right now and have been for many years(both in English and French Québec circles). Most restaurants let you choose from a wide variety when you ask for tea instead of coffee.
When talking about the highly aromatic or herb type teas we usually call them tisanes. Many are purported cleansing or healing properties.
I'd always assumed that when people talked about sump oil, they were refering to used engine oil, drained from the sump, therefore the nastiest dirtiest rustiest stuff, not the clean stuff that is bought at the shop and poured into the engine - but then what I know about the internal combustion engine would fit in a book of matches - without taking the matches out
I think the sump is the bottom of the engine. I think that the instruction that I was given years ago was, "To change oil, position bucket, pull out sump plug, stand clear, replace sump plug and refill, the order of events, I recall was significant". Nowadays it is "Take car to garage, request oil change as part of expensive service, hand over dosh".
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