If you go to the town of Ashcutney,
It is no use to ask them for chutney.
You may beg, plead and wheeze
And get down on your knees;
It will do you no good -- they ain't gutney.

But in the spirit of never posing a problem without offering a solution:
reply: In the village emporium of Woodstock,
Of chutney they keep quite a good stock.
They're more given to gluttony
Than the folk of Ashcutney,
Who neither of liquors nor foods talk.