| THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
|
| You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of
| Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a
| perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
|
| 1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an
| equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much
| does God now love Bob?
|
| 2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
| a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the
| sheep was not willing?
| b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could
| not be said to mind either?
|
| 3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy
| plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the
| direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates
| bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude
| towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved?
| (Hint: Assume a point soul.)
|
| 4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human
| weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an
| alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time
| t + 10 sec.?
|
| 5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level
| for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it
| very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything.
| a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
| b. (10 pts.)Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn
| smug now, is he?
|
| Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo
| transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many
| Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
|
| Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.

meta-physical quiz:

is this funny? does it harm anyone? whom does it intend to harm?