#37075
07/30/2001 3:15 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 19
stranger
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stranger
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 19 |
Good to be back.
I looked for a "poetry search" category on AWADtalk, but this is as close as I could get.
Back in college ('50s), for a speech class, I recited a poem that went over very well. I need the text of the poem and the author - hope you can help. This is as much as I remember:
'Twas at the pictures that we met,
Your father and your mother.
The drama's name I now forget,
but it was like another.
In vain did pure domestics flout
the base but high-born brute.
Their honor might be up the spout:
We did not care a hoot.
For at the opening of the play,
By fortune's wise design,
(It was an accident, I say)
A little hand met mine.
My fingers 'round that little hand
Unconsciously were twisted.
I do not say that it was planned,
But it was not resisted.
Reel after reel, blow to blow,
Toe to toe we sat.
You are not old enough to know
The ecstacy of that.
Etc..............
Please steer me in the right direction. Google has failed miserably, and I know that collectively this list has all knowledge.
AJC
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#37076
07/30/2001 3:18 PM
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 38
newbie
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newbie
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 38 |
nope,never heard of it,sorry.....
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#37077
07/30/2001 4:31 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
The bottom line was as far as I could get.
Sir A P HERBERT
¶ 1890-?; barrister, MP (independent), humorous author
And when the film was finished quite/It made my bosom swell/To
find that by electric light/I loved her just as well.
[‘’Twas at the pictures, child, we met’ in A Book of Ballads]
P. S.(Sir Alan Patrick Herbert), 1890–1971 He died so long ago that A Book of Ballads is really ancient, and no hope of its being mentioned on Internet.
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#37078
07/30/2001 7:33 PM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Hi, patatty!...welcome back! If you go to http://eMule.com/poetry and click on Forum and post your request on the discussion board, you'll find a slew of poetry aficionados there who can help you find the info you're seeking!
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#37079
07/30/2001 10:07 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
wwh-
I am not worthy.
consuelo
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#37080
07/30/2001 11:17 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Dear Consuelo: I do not understand.
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#37081
07/31/2001 4:39 AM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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A P Herbert was also the author of hilarious short stories called "Misleading Cases" featuring Albert Haddock's brushses with the law, which I loved as a teen. They were also televised in the late seventies? early eighties?. One of my favourites had a lawyer trying to explain to a judge what exactly a crossword is. And, oh joy, I've just googled and found some of them at: http://www.kmoser.com/herbert/ Bingley
Bingley
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#37082
07/31/2001 9:05 AM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609
addict
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addict
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609 |
Bingley, thanks for that link. I was just going to post about the misleading cases myself. One of my favourites was the flooded road alongside the river where Albert was rowing his dinghy and therefore using rules of the river "on the right" and "power gives way to unpowered" , thereby forcing a car using (UK) road rules "drive on the left" to swerve into deeper water where it stalled and got water damage. Delightfully non-threatening humour with a twisted sense of logic.
Rod
Edit: listed in the link as Rumpelheimer vs Haddock (Port to Port)
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#37083
07/31/2001 9:51 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 19
stranger
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stranger
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 19 |
Mr. O'N -
Thanx for the lead to the mule site. I've bookmarked it and will use it again.
So far no one has come up with the text for the cite that WWH was kind enough to supply.
But I did get a couple of bonuses, one from Pam on the mule site being Herbert's rhyming rant on a chatty theatergoer (below), and the other Bingley's "Misleading Cases" site.
Still hoping for the text to "at the pictures".
AJC
From Pam:
At the Theatre: To the Lady Behind Me
Dear Madam, you have seen this play;
I never saw it till today.
You know the details of the plot,
But, let me tell you, I do not.
The author seeks to keep from me
The murderer's identity,
And you are not a friend of his
If you keep shouting who it is.
The actors in their funny way
Have several funny things to say,
But they do not amuse me more
If you have said them just before;
The merit of the drama lies,
I understand, in some surprise;
But the surprise must now be small
Since you have just foretold it all.
The lady you have brought with you
Is, I infer, a half-wit too,
But I can understand the piece
Without assistance from your niece.
In short, foul woman, it would suit
Me just as well if you were mute;
In fact, to make my meaning plain,
I trust you will not speak again.
And---may I add one human touch?---
Don't breathe upon my neck so much.
-- A. P. Herbert
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#37085
08/01/2001 12:45 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,858 |
Dear Bingley: I enjoyed the second link, but it has a problem. Since Sir A. P. Herbert died in 1971, how did he manage to cash a cheque in 1990? ODeath, where is thy sting?
Update: In 1990 the British magazine Punch presented A.P. Herbert with a cheque for Ł5
written on the side of a cow. This publicity stunt was arranged ahead of time, with the
bank's cooperation sought and secured and the cow insured for Ł25,000 in case she ran
amok and caused injury (as well as an additional Ł150 in case she caused injury to
herself). Contrary to the belief that banks have to accept cheques written on anything
(including a cow), Herbert's own bank refused to participate in the stunt, forcing him to
choose another financial institution. After being cashed, the cow was duly returned to her
farm.
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#37086
08/01/2001 2:15 PM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542 |
>Herbert's own bank refused to participate in the stunt, forcing him to choose another financial institution.
...so, bill, you're agreeing that ol' A.P. bought the farm in '71 yet cashed a cow in '90?
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#37087
08/02/2001 12:14 AM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Hi, patatty! Take a look at your post over on eMule Poetry Archives...my friend Soma came through for you! Your poem's full text is there! 
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#37088
08/02/2001 6:38 AM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 3,065 |
wwh> Since Sir A. P. Herbert died in 1971, how did he manage to cash a cheque in 1990? ODeath, where is thy sting?
A quote from the man himself would seem apposite:
If I may use an expression which I have used many times before in this Court, it is like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock, which not only is itself discredited but casts a shade of doubt over all previous assertions.
Bingley
Bingley
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#37089
08/02/2001 1:05 PM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609
addict
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addict
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609 |
Sir A.P. Herbert did indeed die in 1971. It was in 1970, not 1990, that he was presented with a cheque written on the side of a cow.
Rod
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#37090
08/02/2001 2:46 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289 |
Re Herbert's check (cheque?) on the side of a cow -- How did he endorse it? And when his bank refused it, did he ask, "How now, brown check?"
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#37091
08/02/2001 3:10 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
The bounced cow check finally answers for me the mystery of how the cow got over the moon.
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#37092
08/02/2001 7:49 PM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891 |
Ŕ propos of nothing cowish...yup BYB check is cheque in the U.K. and in Canada.
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#37093
08/02/2001 7:57 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 3,409 |
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#37094
08/02/2001 10:25 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,858 |
Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon.
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#37095
08/03/2001 3:09 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
but did it bounce? and could it be kited*?
(is a kited a term familiar to everyone?)
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#37096
08/03/2001 4:17 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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It would take a very powerful wind to "kite" a cow. And it would seem that the only way to prevent numbers on the cow from being altered readily would be to tattoo them. So altering the numbers would be hard to hide.
Almost as hard as putting the cow into a filing cabinet.
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#37097
08/03/2001 4:42 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,803 |
Almost as hard as putting the cow into a filing cabinet
The trick is to take the giraffe out first.
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#37098
08/03/2001 6:54 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,858 |
Dear Faldage: Who cashed the giraffe?
Here's where the cow should have been cashed:
In the town's Miners' & Cattlemens' Bank (with capital of $50,000 and assets of
$250,000 proudly displayed on the front door window), pompous, self-important ...
http://www.filmsite.org/stagec.html
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#37099
08/03/2001 7:05 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,803 |
Who cashed the giraffe?
Beats me. All I know is you had to take the giraffe out to put the elephant in and if you can fit an elephant in you should oughta be able to fit a mere cow in.
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#37100
08/06/2001 4:15 AM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 19
stranger
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stranger
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 19 |
WO'N -
I thanked you privately for supplying me the lead to eMule, but here's the public acknowledgement.
This thread has wandered into cows, kites and giraffes, so I'll provide the text I was originally searching, and hope it generates some appreciation for Sir A.P.
Thanks again.
>From Soma, on the mule list:
(With many thanks from AJC for the answer to his request for the text
of one of his favorite light poems)
Author is A.P. Herbert
"Great fun, this stuff:- "
'Twas at the pictures, child, we met,
Your father and your mother;
The drama's name I now forget,
But it was like another.
The Viscount had too much to drink,
And so his plot miscarried,
And at the end I rather think
Two citizens were married.
But at the opening of the play
By Fortune's wise design--
It was an accident, I say--
A little hand met mine.
My fingers round that little hand
Unconsciously were twisted;
I do not say that it was planned,
But it was not resisted.
I held the hand. The hand was hot.
I could not see her face;
But in the dark I gazed at what
I took to be the place.
From shock to shock, from sin to sin
The fatal film proceeded;
I cannot say I drank it in,
I rather doubt if she did.
In vain did pure domestics flout
The base but high-born brute;
Their honour might be up the spout,
We did not care a hoot.
For, while those clammy palms we clutched,
By stealthy slow degrees
We moved an inch or two and touched
Each other with our knees.
No poet makes a special point
Of any human knee,
But in that plain prosaic joint
Was high romance for me.
Thus hand in hand and toe to toe,
Reel after reel we sat;
You are not old enough to know
The ecstasy of that.
A touch of cramp about the shins
Was all that troubled me;
Your mother tells me she had pins
And needles in the knee.
But our twin spirits rose above
Mere bodily distress;
And if you ask me "Is this Love?"
The answer, child, is "Yes."
And when the film was finished quite
It made my bosom swell
To find that by electric light
I loved her just as well.
For women, son, are seldom quite
As worthy of remark
Beneath a strong electric light
As they are in the dark.
But this was not the present case,
And it was joy to see
A form as fetching and a face
Magnetic as her knee.
And still twice weekly we enjoy
The pictures, grave and gross;
We don't hold hands so much, my boy,
Our knees are not so close;
But now and then, for Auld Lang Syne,
Or frenzied by the play,
Your mother slips her hand in mine,
To my intense dismay,
And then, though at my time of life
It seems a trifle odd
I move my knee and give my wife
A sentimental prod.
Well, such is Love and such is Fate,
And such is Marriage too;
And such will happen, soon or late,
Unhappy youth, to you.
And, though most learned men have strained
To work the matter out,
No mortal man has yet explained
What it is all about.
And I don't know why mortals try
But if with vulgar chaff
You hear some Philistine decry
The cinematograph,
Think then, my son, on your papa,
And take the kindly view,
For had there been no cinema
There might have been no you.
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#37101
08/06/2001 10:56 AM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 4,757 |
For women, son, are seldom quite
As worthy of remark
Beneath a strong electric light
As they are in the dark.For such witty malevolence alone should A.P. Herbert be cherished! - yet the whole is finer still. Thanks for bringing us this, all concerned (patatty, WO'N & soma)
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#37102
08/08/2001 4:20 AM
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 8
stranger
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stranger
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 8 |
I find this entire thread to be udderly delightful!
Marigold
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#37103
08/08/2001 4:28 AM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
and I'm sure it hasn't been milked dry yet...
Bingley
Bingley
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#37104
08/08/2001 12:35 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,858 |
I've milked cows, but never one like this. Milking is not really enjoyable, though it used to be so essential an accomplishment down on the farm that I can be a tiny bit nostalgic about it. My favorite uncle had milked so many cows for so many years that his grip was immensely powerful. Wwhen I was in my teens I could not with both hands force him to open his fist, which contained a silver dollar that I could have if I could get it. I never did. And when he was feeling playful, he could aim a stream of milk right into the barn cat's mouth, or into yours if he chose to. And when I had gotten all the milk I could out of a cow, he could get a couple cupfuls more, which was important as leaving any would make that cow's yield decrease. Milking machines arrived too late for my uncle to have the blessing they represented. meaning the increased size of the herd that could be managed .
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#37105
08/08/2001 3:23 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
Milking is not really enjoyable
I've never tried milking cows, but milking goats is a very enjoyable experience. The nanny turns her head so that she can nibble the top of your hair whilst you do it! She is very gentle and it is a lovely feeling (it is what she does to her kid when it is suckling, aparently)
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#37106
08/08/2001 4:14 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 13,858 |
Milking is not really enjoyable.
Not when you are hurrying to have whole herd done before the truck arrives to pick it up.
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