> every subtitle I come up with sends the Gutter Police scramblin'!..

Tame Whitman ,-) Here some alternatives:

"The first cut is the deepest"
"Cut me some slack"
"Nursing the wounds"
"Heal what you feel"
"Start Chopping"
"Slicing 'n Dicing"
"The Physician Condition"
"The Private Consultation"
"Doctoring the Body of Knowledge"