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The one that I'll probably remember forever was when I was still living with my parents, a brother and two sisters. I must have been in my late teens at the time.
We saw a couple of Mormon missionaries coming up the drive to state their positiion, and I got elected to get rid of them. My brother and two sisters were upstairs and the missionaries came to the front door which is immediately at the bottom of the stairs. My youngest sister, who is a great actress, started moaning as if she were in extremitis about two minutes into my futile attempt to get rid of the two Mormons. Very loud and painful, it sounded. Kate, the elder of my two sisters, came downstairs with tears in her eyes (from suppressing laughter) and whispered "Last rites!" in my ear. Then she went back upstairs "crying". My brother was making some interesting noises in the background as well, and I was having a hell of a job not to laugh myself.
I told the missionaries that my youngest sister was dying of something contagious and that the priest would be there any minute to administer the last rites.
I dunno if they believed me, but they took off like scalded cats ...
Bit difficult to do without some siblings willing to play along, I suppose.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Carpal Tunnel
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Telemarketers is what we call them in the US....Hello, wow, we found you! My name is Robbie Pitcher, and I'm calling you because, as a valued JC Penny credit card customer, you were selected to receive up to $1,000,000 of accidental death insurance at no cost to you! The benefits for the primary insured are $1,000,000 for accidents involving public transportation, $150,000 for motor vehicle or pedestrian accidents, and $50,000 for all other accidents. And best of all, the first free months of coverage are absolutely free! And after the first three months, if you decide to keep the coverage, just $8.95 a month will be automatically billed to your JC Penney credit card account. And you can cancel anytime you decide the coverage doesn't meet your needs! So may we go ahead and enroll you in our special no cost accidental death insurance plan?.....Are you sure? The first three months are absolutely free, and you can cancel anytime you want just by calling tour special toll-free number!.....Okay, then, we'll call you back at a better time. And do have a nice day. 
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My Dilbert desk calendar for today July 6th, has a telemarketing theme. Dogbert says to Ratbert and Bob the dinosaur "You two will be my telemarketeers. Here's a list of known idiots to call". Ratbert says "I'll go first.. I dial the number and wait for an idiot to answer". Bob's phone starts to ring and Ratbert says "C'mon you loser, pick up the phone".  I must admit to usually being reasonably polite with "No thanks. Not ever" and putting the phone down. I got cross with a guy who rang back several times. And I get cross with marketeers who pretend to be researchers. Rod
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Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
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noted:
Brits say telemarketeers, US'ns say telemarketers. Is that right? What do y'all Canadians and Antipodeans say?
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Joined: Dec 2000
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Dec 2000
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A friend of mine works for a market reasearch company part-time and has told me quite a bit about the jokes they have amongst themselves. With that in mind, I don't have qualms about having a bit of fun when such researcher call. They, like Max, get paid by the hour and so don't mind if their requests are denied.
Q: How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.
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AnnaS notes a difference between USage/UKage of marketer/marketeer. I know the word from Black or Free Marketeer, definitely "ee" for me. But I'm not sure about UK use of marketer, so I looked it up. Many dictionaries ignore both words but Miriam-Webster Colegiate provides a subtle difference: mar�ket�er Date: 1787 : one that deals in a market; specifically : one that promotes or sells a product or service mar�ke�teer Date: 1832 : a specialist in promoting or selling a product or service and since the UK obviously only has specialists, no hoi polloi (or even fish tanks with koi polloi) for us, we use marketeer Rod
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All you IT'ers and lawyers have plenty of lightbulb jokes already wriiten for you, but I've crafted the first ever Preservationist lightbulb joke by myself. To wit: Q: How many Historic Preservationists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 6. 3 to form the non-profit group FODDER (Friends Of De-lighted and Damaged Electrical Resources) to protest any changing of the bulb at all; 1 to prepare a study report that proves that this is the very lightbulb that inspired the first "lightbulb" joke in 1774 ("How many blacksmiths does it take to light a candle?" The punchline has been lost to history); 1 to determine that simply repairing the lightbulb might be the best option; and 1 very well-paid consultant to write the report for the developer funding the lightbulb project that determines that changing the lightbulb will have no adverse effects on historic resources after all. Perhaps it's only funny to those in the field, but I was inspired (you know, a light bulb went off in my head ).
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Carpal Tunnel
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reminds me of the old joke about what is the difference between a Conservationist and a Naturalist?
The Naturalist already owns a house in the country--
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Carpal Tunnel
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Thedifference between an environmentalist and a conservationist : The environmentalist wants you to clean up the world, the conservationist wants you to clean up your garage!
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Carpal Tunnel
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MarketeerRod, was this because English merchants, then, had a reputation for dealings that were similar to the tactics of a privateer?
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