A country where: we have our second appointed president in less than 30 years; the police murder a black man when he refuses to buy drugs from them; they are defended by the mayor; the police murder a black man for taking out his wallet; they are defended by the mayor a retarded man is executed by the state; the supreme court, avid in its January defense of due process, just as avidly decrees the right of police to put you in handcuffs for jay walking
Thanks for sharing those, Rouspeteur. Like Jackie, i found the rock-bottom-and-digging one particularly funny.
I was discussing these with a friend today, and somehow our thoughts evolved to the delights of dilogical statements. He shared this link with me, which some of you may enjoy: http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/career/index.html. (Click on "Performance Review Generator")
Rouspeteur, Here are a few more to add to your list. (Courtesy of my-son-the-Major) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together." >"A gross ignoramus - - - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." >"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless." >"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." >"I would like to go hunting with him sometime." >"He's been working with glue too much." >"He would argue with a signpost." >"He has a knack for making strangers immediately." >"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." >"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." >"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." >"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." >"A prime candidate for natural de-selection." >"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." >"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." >"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it." >"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." >"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." >"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." >"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." >"One neuron short of a synapse." >"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." >"Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes." >"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
Thanks wow, I have appended your son's list to mine.
Another such example, that I know is true, occurred when a friend of mine was on shift at the Newfoundland Weather Centre some years back.
There a relatively new meteorologist who was still in his 2.5 year probationary period noticed the grizzled old shift supervisor busily doing paperwork during a lull in the action. He inquired as to what he was doing. The supervisor responded, "I am doing appraisals. In fact, I'm doing yours right now." "Can I see it?" "No. They are confidential until they have been formally approved." "Ok." A few minutes later, the supervisor looks up and asks one of the senior met.'s on shift, "Is screw-up hyphenated?"
rereading the questions at leisure gives several opportunities for reinterpretation of the questions: Q."perfume" is spelled from the first letters of "Pigs eat..." - Depends what you mean by "first letters"
Q.The letters of "spoon feed" are in reverse alphabetical order. And the double letters are ?
Q. John's grandfather's daughter could be John's son's sister. Assuming the same John and apart from Alabama, you require half-relations. I do regularly sing (not a melodious treat) the song "I'm my own Grandpa" (and google found it at http://www.clinton.net/~sammy/grandpa.htm amongst others) so you just figure it out. Singing that to myself slowed me down at question 28 and that's my excuse for being in the measurable grades! Rod
A couple more: She has a lovely gilded cage, but her canary's croaked.
He is a frequent nominee for a Darwin award.
BTW, B96, the 63 Celsius was pure hyperbole - just for laughs. I just barely qualified even when I had full neural connectivity. Nowadays I'm the AWAD village idiot. Mine's NOT bigger than yours!
Wow's list reminds me of another one (and this is a nearly verbatim YART, I'll tell ya straight out).
Jim Hightower has said of our illustrious President W (long before he got that particular office, probably when he had his sights set on his real goal, Commissioner of Baseball): "If ignorance ever hits $50 a barrel, I want drilling rights on that man's head."
It sounds as though Jim Hightower was so lacking in talent for devising insults that he wanted to increase his own intracranial deposit of ignorance.I've heard some stupid insults but this one tops them all.
Notice how Jackie does not demur to my claim to village idiocy. Now, don't haul me over the forearm/yardarm/forehead/forehand/whatever-it-is, Sparteye-- you had conceded that the spot didn't belong to you. To which I will add that I have been admiring your very quick wit in your posts, esp. here lately: for ex., the yodeling comment--super! [blessings and thanksgiving e]
The witticisms said to have been written into efficiency reports make for good chuckles. However, I wonder how often such efforts at humor may hurt the perpetrator as much as the victim. The superior who reads the evaluations needs facts on which to base a personnel action, and may be seriously annoyed by humor.
Well, frog feathers. You mean that I can't even claim that distinction? I'll fight ya for it, Geoff.
Oh, boy, I sure do get myself in a lot of trouble on this board! Two weeks ago I had to fight a duel with AnnaStrophic, (overcooked okra at twenty paces) and now I gotta go up against a Yankee lawyer? Groannnnn! So what's it gonna be? Another food fignt, perhaps? Strawberry torts at ten paces?
Bill, I think most of the "fitness report" comments were apocryphal, somehow. The military are not normally noted for their wit, although I concede some members of the military may have some! Funny as, some of those expressions, though.
I think "I would not breed this officer", if actually said, is one of the most damning put-downs I've ever seen!
BTW, I'm measurable, and I'm sure that others on the Board have one bigger than mine!
Geoff--strawberry 'torts'--good one! I'm sure our Sparteye is armed to the teeth. ========================================================== I'm measurable, and I'm sure that others on the Board have one bigger than mine! Oh, you did NOT say that! Yipes!
I recently read a biography of US Grant. A junior lieutenant asked him why he had not had a promotion in two years. Grant pointed to a donkey, and said:" He's been here three years, and he's still a jackass!"
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I just barely qualified even when I had full neural connectivity. Nowadays I'm the AWAD village idiot.
Mine's NOT bigger than yours!
