Perhaps some short parodies of childrens poems might be amusing. The only one I can think of that is not vile is the old one: The boy stood on the burning deck Eating peanuts by the peck
Homer Simpson's version of Do-Re-Me was recently posted in another thread. One reason Lewis Carrol's Alice books were popular was that many of his poems were parodies of stuffy poems the kids had to learn - see The Annotated Alice version for details. I liked the Millenium Pie parody of American Pie last year. And Miles Kington (or was it Alan Coren?) has a great story about Lewis Carrol trying to publish "The Jaberwocky" but there wasn't time to proof read it, which is why it is like it is. I will try to find references to these and dredge a few more from my memory and post them later.
All of God's children hold their feet to the fire Some scream loud and some scream higher Some of the scream, (high pitched terrified voice) "It's a funeral pyre!" And some just flap their wings Or gums Or anything they feel like.
Little Miss Muffett Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider And sat dawn beside her And said, "What ya got in the bowl, bitch?"
In another thread : songs that get stuck in your head.
Around holiday I get this parody carol:
See the little angel ascend up, ascend up, See the little angels ascend up on high. Which end up? Ascend up. Which end up? Ascend up. See the little angels ascend up on high.
Peter, Peter, Pumkin eater, Had a wife and couldn't keep her, Had other, and couldn't lover her Up the chimney he did shove her
Or I'm a little tea pot short and stout- Here is my Handle, here is my spout (look down at arms, and find them both akimbo) Oh, shit, I am a sugar bowl!
I learned both of those before the age of 10- and later this one...
Old Mother Hubard, went to the cupboard, To get her poor doggie a bone When she bent over, the dog got a boner, and gave her a bone of his own...
and there is the "a weela weela walla" the Dublins childrens song, that i never really learned, and only remember a a word or two...
about the mother who stuck a knife in her baby's head (a weela, weela walla, down by the river sallya) (and the results--in all the gory legal details) and Moral of the story is, don't go sticking knifes in baby's heads (a weela, weela walla, down by the river sallya!) (the song is always sung in a cheerful way-- even though it is somewhat morbid!)
the old mother hubbard reference reminds me of a couple of our favorites as kids:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, All the king's horses and all the king's men, Had one f-in big omelet.
...and...
Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two hunks of bread.
then of course there was this gem of a song for the playground:
My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school we've tortured every teacher and we've broken every rule. we've speared the secretary and we've shot the principal and our troops are marching on.
Glory, glory halleluia Teach hit me with a ruler the ruler didn't break so she hit me with a rake and the blood came gushing out.
... and lastly, there was my personal favorite:
On top of old smoky all covered with blood i shot my poor sister with a .44 slug
i went to her funeral i went to her grave instead of throwing flowers i threw a grenade.
>>>Jingle Bells, shotgun shells, BB's all the way<<< sorry, but i don't think your daddy came up with that. i've heard "Jingle Bells Shotgun Shells" in a number of ways. the one i remember best is: jingle bells, shotgun shells, granny laid an egg
These are wonderful-- and I wonder if our childhoods-- when we all learned to freely express some hostility -- many of these songs are familiar to me, did something to protect us from acting them out.
My children and and nieces and nephews have heard most of these songs (they have been forced to ride in the car with me) but they don't know them.. songs like these are lost-- and instead-- we have children acting out the actions.
Today's NYtimes has an article about children and violence-- an the idea that children can't even make idle threats-- since there is a policy of "zero tolerance" and each threat is taken seriously-- maybe we need to make sure kids have outlets--safe outlets for urges.. Destruction is a creative impulse.. maybe we need to have creative impulses to make wicked songs.. and not have wicked acts! most adults are not subject to zero tolerance-- and like Ralph Cramdon, many times, men (women) who have never acted violently-- say "one of these day, pow! right in the kisser" and don't 1) really mean it, 2) don't get prosecute for threatening violence.
Take a look at my entry in Book Recomendation thread. A new and very good book on children and violence, including ideas and actions from children themselves on what to do about it. wow
Good God folks. We never had those violented up songs when we were young. The closest we ever got was the end of the year ditty...
no more pencils, no more books no more teachers' dirty looks.
I wonder if it is the same in the other provinces? Bean, seian? Maybe that`s why everybody calls Canada the peacekeepers. Well, that and the fact that all of our armed forces share one gun.
The end of school verses used to be heard in Massachusetts. But how about some more parodies. Unfortunately most of the ones I remember are vile. Also vile, but less so is a parody of "My bonnie lies over the ocean My bonnie lies over the sea...."
Parody= "My bonnie has tuberculosis My bonnie has only one lung.....(and gets vile)
Surely some of us ought be able to remember others.
In an other thread-- there is discussion of the words of the Lunch time song-- Great big gobs of mutilated monkey meat.. (and lots of other appetizing foods ) But its a bit of YART.
There's a wonderful Australian collection of children's rhymes and parodies called "Cinderella dressed in yella", published in 1969. Try your local libraries! In the meantime, here's some nursery rhymes:
Little Boy Blue come blow your horn, The sheep are in the meadow, The cows are in the corn. Where's that boy who should be guarding the sheep? Under the haystack with Little Bo-Peep.
Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep, She looks for them sedately. I hope she finds them very soon, Because we've had no lamb chops lately.
Hey diddle diddle, The cat did a piddle Right in the middle of the floor. The little dog laughed To see such fun, And the cat did a little bit more.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her And Little Miss Muffet said, "Rack off, hairy legs".
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? -- Up, stupid!
Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her daughter a dress, But when she got there The cupboard was bare, And so was her daughter I guess.
and, for an encore:
My old man's a dustman, He wears a dustman's hat. Farted through the keyhole And paralysed the cat.
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was black as soot, And everywhere that lamb did go, its sooty foot it put.
I recently mentioned "Mots D'Heure; Gousse, Rames" et al in the Favourite Book thread. I don't know if they count as parodies or not. If not, what? For those that don't know this delightful (pers.op.) book it consists of poems ostensibly in French, framed in old woodcuts and with erudite footnotes. However, when you read them out loud they change into English Nursery Rhymes (Mother Goose Rhymes). For example one starts: Un petit d'un petit S'ettonne aux Halles
with a foot note for the first line of "The inevitable result of a child marriage." [Just realised I didn't do a YART search - will now anyway]
There's a host of popular Aussie children's books that are lots of fun: Far out, Brussels Sprout!, Alright Vegemite! and Unreal Banana Peel! They have loads harmless rhymes like some of those mentioned. Anyone know these?
From he has the heart of a little child... ... in a jar on his desk.
Edward Lear books of Nonsence have one wonderful stuff too-- all of his many {clean} limricks-Like: There was an old man with a beard Who said "It is just as I feared, Two owl, a hen, Three larks and wren, Have all made their nests in my beard!"
He also has a wonderful collection of Flora, all with amazing Latin names...and illistrations of the flora. and his poems-- Like the Owl and the Pussycat.
All very funny on several levels, so children and parents can enjoy.
How about "found a peanut? Found a peanut (x2) Found a peanut last night Last night, when I was sleeping Found a peanut last night?
It was rotten (x2) It was rotten last night Last night when i was sleeping It was rotten last night
(each verse follows same pattern) Ate it any way
Got sick
Died
I was dreaming
with several varients, some longer-- Very similar to the "the tree is in the Hole" (american) and "Down in the boggy Oh" (irish)
The tree is in the hole, the hole is in the ground and the green grass grows all around, all around, the green grass grows all around...
The tree down in the boggy oh-- Away down in the boggy oh... Bog, bog, the boggy oh away down in the boggy oh!
(the tree has a branch,.... the finest branch you ever did see.., the branch is on the tree, the tree is in the hole, the hole is in the ground...
the tree has a limb, the limb is on the branch, the branch is on the tree, the tree is in the boggy , away down in the boggy oh.. right down to the eyelash on a fledgling...
and There was an old woman who swallowed a fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly perhaps she'll die?
there was an old women who shallowed a spider It wiggled and giggled and tiggled insider her she swallowed the spider to catch the fly, But i don't know why she swallowed the fly Perhaps she'll die
there was an old woman who swallowed a bird How absurd to swallow a bird, she swallowed the bird to peck at the spider....(repeat words from above.)
there was an old woman who swallowe a cat Image that, she swallowed a cat! she swallowed the cat to worry the bird...
there was an old woman who swallowed a dog What a hog to swallow a dog.. she swallowed the dog to chase the cat.
there was an old woman who swallowed a cow.. I dont know how she swallowed a cow... she swallowed the cow to kick the dog....
There was an old woman who swallowed a goat She just opened her throat, and swallowed a goat She swallowed the goat to nip at the cow, But i don't now how she swallowed a cow! She swallowed the cow to kick the dog....
there was an old woman who swallowed a horse! She died! Of course!
and from Woody Guthry I'm being swallowed by a boa constricter, (3 times) and i don't like it very much!
Boa Constrictor and Woody Guthrie? Shel Silverstein (?sp) isn't it, or was it both? My kids always sang that as "I'm being eaten by a bus conductor"! to link to another thread.(The guy who takes your money on a bus)
I am almost certain it's a Woody Guthry song-- as is "the wheel of the bus go round and round" (that is definately a Woody Guthry song!)
some of Woody's songs entered the mainstream so quickly-- it was as if they were always there..
Like Tommy Makem's "Four green fields"-- original written as a commercial "background song" for Aer Lingus-- which many now swear is as old as the hills being sung about... and a "traditional song"
meanwhile other traditional songs-- Wabash Cannonball, ie, which is a traditional song, author unknown, have one "version" copyrighted, by one person-- who then try to demand royalties!
Arlo said one of the joys of his childhood, was going to school and having teachers "teach" him songs his daddy wrote!
these remind me of some email that was circulating awhile back (which probably means you've all read these, but in case anyone missed them....)
REJECTED CHILDREN'S BOOK TITLES:
1. You Are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 4. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? 5. Your First Day at School and Why You'll Never Come Home Again 6. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book 7. When Mommy Leaves Daddy, And What You Did to Cause It 8. You Can Make a Plastic Bag Space Helmet 9. Good Night, Closet Monster; Goodbye, Honey 10. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption 11. Grandpa Gets a Casket 12. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 13. Little Hands, Big Toasters 14. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 15. Where Would You Like to Be Buried? 16. Your Nightmares Are Real 17. Some Kittens Can Fly 18. Strangers Have the Best Candy 19. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games 20. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 21. You Were an Accident 22. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Helen, have you ever seen the short (5 mins) animated film of this song made by the National Film Board of Canada in the 1960s? In their version, Burl Ives is the singer. I'm delighted to have a print in the film collection I maintain on behalf of our film society. It may be available on a video compilation; perhaps your local library can locate it. It's fun.
Disclaimer: Wordsmith.org is not responsible for views expressed on this site.
Use of this forum is at your own risk and liability - you agree to
hold Wordsmith.org and its associates harmless as a condition of using it.
)
