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Pooh-Bah
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ALDERMAN – ALIVE
An alderman told me: "This city
Has a landscape that's not very pretty.
It needs money to thrive
And feel more alive,
But sadly we're broke. What a pity!"
MENTALITY – MERELY
Last edited by A C Bowden; 10/07/2021 5:20 AM.
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In lockdowns, our Covid mentality
Transforms our idea of normality.
Restrictions on freedom?
We reckon we need 'em –
They're merely a prudent reality.
HUMID – HUNCH
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In a swamp, on a hot humid day,
I saw some young crocodiles play.
I had a strong hunch
That they'd eat me for lunch,
So I prudently hurried away.
GRASP – GRATEFUL
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"You moron!" my teacher would rasp
If I found an idea hard to grasp.
I thought it quite hateful –
"Please, sir, I'd be grateful
For clarification!", I'd gasp.
DUCKLING – DUSTER
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Our sassy au pair said "Hey, buster!"
With all the mock rage she could muster,
"I'm no ugly duckling!"
"You're not?" I asked, chuckling.
"No way!" she cried, flinging her duster.
LEFT – LENTICULAR
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A brooch my late grandmother left
Was taken away in a theft.
Its lenticular shape,
Like a half-flattened grape,
Intrigued me – but now I'm bereft.
FRIENDLY – FRINGE
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When talking to fringe politicians
With weird and dogmatic positions,
Don't holler or squirm.
Be friendly but firm:
Say 'No' to their crazy ambitions.
RIDER – RIPPING
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A racehorse, alarmed by a spider,
Reared up and unseated its rider.
Though ripping his shirt,
The man was unhurt.
(The horse was a hopeless outsider.)
MAYHEM – MEANING
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We search for the meaning of life
Amid all the mayhem and strife.
While most of us cope,
A few give up hope
And do themselves in with a knife.
DISSONANT – DISTINCTIVE
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When dissonant music was new,
Its public supporters were few.
Some connoisseurs found
Its distinctive harsh sound
Appealing, but others would boo.
NAVIGATE – NEAPOLITAN
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NAVIGATE – NEAPOLITAN
A great Neapolitan brig
Sailed forth from the bay in full rig
To navigate oceans
By vigorous motions
With sails that were suitably big.
SLENDER – SLIPPERY
Last edited by A C Bowden; 08/21/2022 5:40 AM.
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A slender young sailor ran past
And shinned up a slippery mast.
I said to the skipper:
"When I was a nipper,
I used to move equally fast!"
LOCH – LOGGER
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A hiker from Hawick cried: "Och!
No monsters inhabit this loch!"
A logger called Hermann,
Who spoke only German,
Replied with great emphasis: "Doch!"*
* "Oh yes they do!"
MIRACULOUS – MISLAY
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Suppose that you chance to mislay
Your phone as you go on your way.
If God intervenes
By miraculous means,
You'll find it again the next day.
RIVAL – RICKETY
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Two enemies met near a ridge
And clashed on a rickety bridge.
One earned his survival
By killing his rival
And storing the corpse in a fridge.
BLOSSOM – BLUEBOTTLE
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I sat where the blossom is pretty
In a large verdant park in the city.
But a bluebottle fly
Approached very nigh,
Distracting me, which was a pity.
LAMA – LAMPLIGHTER
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On a dark temple roof, an old lama
Surveyed the austere panorama.
A lamplighter came
And lit a dim flame.
It wasn't the stuff of high drama.
TEXTURE – THAW
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The texture of snow tends to vary;
At first it is soft, light and airy.
A thaw turns it slushy,
Then rain makes it mushy.
But if it refreezes, be wary!
DUO – DURST
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In the reign of King Edward the First,
One village near London was cursed
By a duo of knights
Who threatened poor wights
And bade them engage if they durst.
GONDOLIER – GOSPELS
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There was a devout gondolier,
Determined that tourists should hear
A chapter or two
Of the gospels he knew.
His English was faulty, but clear.
SABBATH – SAGACIOUS
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Our vicar's sagacious advice
In his sermon last week was "Be nice,
And rest every Sunday –
The Sabbath's the one day
When gentle exertions suffice".
ELABORATE – EMPHATIC
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Bach had an elaborate style,
But lightened it once in a while.
His lively French suites,
With emphatic first beats,
Could make even philistines smile.
HOCKEY – HOIST
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There was a keen amateur jockey
Who, eating too much, became stocky.
To hoist his poor horse
Round a twenty-fence course
Grew hopeless, so now he plays hockey.
LEGEND – LENGTHEN
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The Robin Hood legend of old
Is often embellished when told.
The tale may be lengthened
And morally strengthened
To fit a political mould.
RUNNER – RUTHLESS
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A long-distance runner from Spain
Was frequently heard to complain
That his ex-Army coach
Had a ruthless approach
Which caused him avoidable pain.
CAPACITY – CARESS
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My grandfather had the capacity
To live through old age with vivacity.
He liked to caress
Young women, and press
His lips to their cheeks with audacity.
LOAFING – LOCOMOTION
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When cruising around a wide ocean,
Keep healthy by self-locomotion.
If you're loafing all day,
Your heart will give way,
And you'll need some resuscitant potion.
OTHERWISE – OVERTLY
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A schoolgirl was laughing overtly.
"What's funny?" the teacher asked curtly;
"Come, stand up and share,
Otherwise it's not fair."
"Your hairstyle", the girl replied pertly.
GAMBLER – GARGANTUAN
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A gambler, who struggled to purge
Himself of his ruinous urge,
Still sought from each spin
A gargantuan win
To justify every past splurge.
TRIBUTE – TRIPTYCH
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"This triptych you see", said the guide,
"A tribute to Bell, who'd just died,
Depicts, in the centre,
The famous inventor,
With patterns of phones on each side."
EFFORT – ELASTIC
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The coffin was made of cheap plastic,
With duct tape and bits of elastic.
The occupant's will
Said "Keep down the bill!"
Which they did – but the effort looked drastic.
REFLECT – REGARD
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The moonlight that rivers reflect
Can have a romantic effect.
But in this regard,
I find them quite hard
To paint in a way that's correct.
CONDENSE – CONDUCIVE
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"My novel", said Proust, "is immense,
But it's frankly too hard to condense.
There's much that's allusive,
So cuts aren't conducive
To fully retaining its sense".
MOBBED – MODERN
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The modern obsession with fame
Is two-edged, celebrities claim.
You're apt to be mobbed
And mindlessly robbed
By devotees chanting your name.
VACATE – VALLEY
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In spring, when the river's in spate,
The valley folk often vacate
Their homes, due to mud
And possible flood.
In winter, of course, they can skate.
THEREMIN – THINK
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The theremin makes a weird sound
When a skilled player's hands move around.
But I think its effect
Is hard to detect
In an orchestra, where it gets drowned.
DIALECT – DIAMOND
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I went for a diamond ring
To a merchant in downtown Beijing.
His dialect made
It hard, I'm afraid,
But I managed to purchase the thing.
WASTED – WAXWORK
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Each waxwork I saw on display
Looked lifeless, or flawed in some way.
I yelled "It's not funny –
I've wasted my money!"
"Stop beefing", I heard the guide say.
HAPPEN – HARDNESS
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The hardness of life in a slum
Makes people resentful and glum.
If you happen to get
Big bucks from a bet,
To stay in such places is dumb.
IMPRESSED – IMPROBABLE
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A perfect left hook to the chin
Secured an improbable win
For the challenger, which
Would make him quite rich.
The crowd, much impressed, made a din.
PHOTON – PINKISH
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