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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
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LOCATION – LOG
A ship with a louche reputation
Was stuck in an icy location.
The captain swigged grog,
Then wrote in his log:
"We'll freeze, and then burn in damnation!"
INVENTOR – INVETERATE
Last edited by A C Bowden; 08/16/2019 4:11 AM.
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Carpal Tunnel
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I knew an inveterate liar
Who claimed he’d perfected a fire
Bad inventor was he
For. ‘twas easy to see
Flames went two inches up and no higher.
(It goes a bit against the grain, but “five point oh eight centimeters“ just didn’t scan...)
APPETITE - AQUARIUM
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Pooh-Bah
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Ah, you just beat me to it! Here's what I was going to post:
An inveterate rocket inventor
Who worked at the Johnson Space Center
Denied, with a frown,
That Wernher von Braun
(Whom Hitler admired) was his mentor.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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APPETITE – AQUARIUM
Some fish are aggressive and bite,
And some have a large appetite.
Aquarium keepers
Are apt to cry "Jeepers!"
When watching them struggle and fight.
BOUNDLESS – BOWDLERIZE
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Our forebears considered it smart
To bowdlerize great works of art,
With boundless belief
In the anguish and grief
That comes from impureness of heart.
RALLY – RAMP
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Pooh-Bah
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One coach used to rally his team
In terms that were pretty extreme.
To ramp up the tension,
He'd frequently mention
The Devil, and give a loud scream.
PERMANENT – PERSPECTIVE
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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From a strictly religious perspective,
God's permanent state is objective.
But if God doesn't change,
It seems rather strange,
For how could our prayers be effective?
LUBRICATE – LUDDITE
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I have taken the liberty of changing 'lubricate' to 'lubricant'...
To 'sabotage' meant throwing clogs
In devices, to clog up the cogs.
Some Luddites would spoil
Any lubricant oil
With beer, or the blood of dead frogs.
TENFOLD – TEQUILA
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A blend of tequila and whiskey
Can make partygoers quite frisky.
Their sense of release
Marks a tenfold increase
In their blood flow, which may be quite risky.
HAYSTACK – HEAVEN
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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On seeing a haystack in Devon,
A bard wrote: "I know there's a heaven!"
Alas! Before long,
World war proved him wrong.
(He wrote it in 1911.)
BISHOP – BITTERSWEET
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BISHOP – BITTERSWEET
The sound of believers at prayer
Can take on a bittersweet air.
"The workings of God",
Said a bishop, "are odd –
We're caught between hope and despair."
FANCY – FARCICAL
Last edited by A C Bowden; 10/15/2019 3:24 AM.
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Pooh-Bah
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Some fancy the epic Greek stories
Of heroes pursuing great glories.
For me, they're too rough;
I like farcical stuff
Such as fights between Brexit-crazed Tories.
UNDERSTAND – UNFURL
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The scale of the cosmos is grand;
They say it will further expand.
As galaxies whirl,
Dimensions unfurl
In ways I do not understand.
RIDER – RIVULET
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A horse, terrified by a spider,
Careered through a field with its rider.
It splashed without care
Through a rivulet there.
Thank goodness the stream wasn't wider.
SACRED – SAFELY
Last edited by A C Bowden; 10/29/2019 2:10 AM.
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When the enemy launched an assault
On our city, we stored in a vault
A sacred gold cross
As safely as poss.
It broke, but that wasn't our fault.
ESSENTIAL – ESTER
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A chemistry teacher in Leicester
Explained: "I'm a rigorous tester.
It's essential at college
To probe students' knowledge
With questions like 'What is an ester?'"
LETTER – LEVELS
Last edited by A C Bowden; 11/14/2019 3:46 AM.
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Carpal Tunnel
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----please, draw me a sheep----
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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If the noise from your neighbours' night revels
Increases to deafening levels,
You can write them a letter –
The blunter the better –
To say what you think of those devils.
DEJECTED – DELUSION
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One common delusion consists
In the thought that Damnation exists.
The people affected
Become so dejected
That many strike walls with their fists.
CRUISE – CUDDLE
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If you cuddle another man's wife,
It is likely to lead to some strife.
On a typical cruise,
With leisure and booze,
Such reckless behaviour is rife.
TEXTED – THEATRICAL
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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TEXTED – THEATRICAL
An actor friend texted me thus:
"Ah, Brexit's the ruin of us!
Alas and alack!
Our future is black!"
He makes a theatrical fuss.
HUNGER – HURLED
Last edited by A C Bowden; 11/30/2019 1:55 AM.
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A picturesque village was quiet
Till hunger drove peasants to riot.
One hurled a sharp knife
At the squire and his wife
When they told him to go on a diet.
ENCOURAGE – ENDURING
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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re: "Well out of date" - July 8, I see.
Here's a slight modification (without the LETTERS):
I recently bought lemonade,
Then I checked to see when it was made.
Took a very long time
Just to get to where I'm -
No wonder the stuff had decayed!
And now, if you please, we'll proceed.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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ENCOURAGE – ENDURING
To encourage poor folk in the Blitz
Whom stress nearly robbed of their wits,
The King and the Queen
Remained on the scene,
Enduring the Luftwaffe's hits.
HOSPITABLE – HOURLY
Last edited by A C Bowden; 12/20/2019 3:18 PM.
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Hospitable folk are a treasure;
They welcome the homeless with pleasure.
While others shrug sourly,
They throw money hourly
To beggars, and smile for good measure.
PROSPERITY – PROVED
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Events have again proved the verity
That war causes debt and austerity.
With peace comes the chance
Of a rapid advance
And a welcome return to prosperity.
RAGS – RAMBLING
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Pooh-Bah
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Some people like vigorous rambling,
While others prefer gentle ambling.
Real idlers smoke fags
And end up in rags
Through constant indulgence in gambling.
OPENING – OPULENT
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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A duke in a Leicestershire pile
Designed in an opulent style
Earned quite a fair bit
By opening it
To the hoi polloi once in a while.
PROMPT – PROOFREAD
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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----please, draw me a sheep----
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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The publishing world's in a hurry;
The need to be prompt causes worry.
The schedule's too tight
To proofread books right;
The deadlines make everyone scurry.
DAMPEN – DARING
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DAMPEN – DARING
A stuntman, renowned for his daring,
Said: "Showing spectators I'm wearing
A safety support
Would dampen the sport,
And lead to loud catcalls and swearing".
ENRICH – ENVIRONMENT
Last edited by A C Bowden; 05/23/2020 1:57 AM.
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An urban environment needs
The planting of saplings and seeds
Designed to enrich
Drab thoroughfares, which
Are flanked by rough grasses and weeds.
RELIC – RELOCATE
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A French archaeologist found
An Iron Age tomb near a mound.
On account of its weight,
They could not relocate
The relic; it's still in the ground.
LEAF – LEGERDEMAIN
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With legerdemain, the young thief
Slipped stolen cash under a leaf
Of the robbed woman's book,
Which he then also took,
Thus greatly compounding her grief.
FURTHERMORE – FUSSY
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Most waiters endure fussy diners,
And calmly face privileged whiners.
They cope, furthermore,
With insults galore,
And come back with witty one-liners.
MILDEW – MILLER
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A miller despondently said:
"It's one of those times that I dread.
There's slime in the flour,
The milk has turned sour,
And mildew has ruined the bread".
SHEET – SHELLFISH
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I give you the LIMERIKU, from facebook, via Paul Bickart, via Peter Ellis, via @GaryTwisted and @bellingman:
There was a young man
From Peru, whose Lim'ricks all
Looked like haiku. He
Said with a laugh, "I
Cut them in half - the pay is
Much better for two.”
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Said a sailor, too slow in the heat,
"To get home I should let out the sheet
Then I'll sell all my shellfish -
Don't need to be selfish -
To that restauranteur in Wellfleet!"
TRUISM - TURTLE
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'A turtle's a turtle' is true,
As I'm sure every one of you knew.
But a truism's truth
Needs no eagle-eyed sleuth
To establish it; logic will do.
DEMERSAL – DEMISE
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Demersal fish live near the bottom
I fished with a trawl net, and caught 'em
Now some species' demise
Is in front of our eyes
(But you want cod or halibut? Got 'em!)
SERIAL - SET
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