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Much Obliged, Wofahulicodoc.
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
REVENUE – RIBALDRY
A gift-card firm's revenue fell
When its products became hard to sell,
For the cards' saucy jokes
Enraged godly folks:
"Such ribaldry sends you to Hell!"
OPENER – OTHERWISE
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
OPENER - OTHERWISE
A Cockney, of mood antiseptic,
Of my claim of "gourmet" was a skeptic.
I can open 'er up
So on rations we sup
But in all otherwise he's dyspeptic
(I think I'm out of practice)
STRAIN - STRETCH
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Posts: 963
old hand
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old hand
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Writing limericks is often a strain,
And to read them can cause some folks pain.
When the syntax we stretch
Cause we sticklers to retch,
And to call out for us to refrain.
(You're not alone.)
STEEPEN – STEREO
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Last edited by May; 08/19/2015 12:35 AM. Reason: Digression
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Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
So you would call Argus Filch, Filius Flitwick, Rubeus Hagrid, House-elves, Minerva McGonagall, Poppy Pomfrey, Severus Snape, Pomona Sprout, Sybill Trelawney and the whole crew "Staph Albus" ?
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What do you mean? (An African or European swallow?) Hmmmmmm. Yes?
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
STEEPEN – STEREO
To steepen the contrast of tone
That comes from the left and right zone,
This gadget desyncs
The lateral links
Attached to your stereophone.
RARITY – RASP
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Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
What do you mean? (An African or European swallow?) Hmmmmmm. Yes?
Only if you mistake the heavily laden swallow for Albus Dumbledore's phoenix...
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Albus, being a known headmaster, the facultative discussion wasn't lost on me. Too cute.  I loved pathology and the Harry Potter series. 
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Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
RARITY - RASP
Our limericks come with such rarity,
And they show a profound lack of clarity.
With a rasp in our voice
Do we now make a choice
Among grossness, or sex, or hilarity...
REPARTEE - REVOKE
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
The Church was induced to revoke
Its ban on archbishops who joke.
Since then, on TV,
We've heard repartee
From sundry episcopal folk.
CANDLE – CAPACIOUS
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
They told me the house was capacious,
But sadly that claim was fallacious.
The doors had no handle,
The light was by candle,
And floorboards were missing. Good gracious!
FERRY – FEVERISH
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old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 963 |
The Exxon Valdez – now a ferry –
Transports those more cheapskate than wary.
At the bridge, dude is feverish,
Runs her over a beaver –squish!
But no oil's spilled: it's sanitary.
GOUGE – GRAIN
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Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
In Ivan the Terrible's reign,
Your views had to go with the grain.
If the Tsar or his minions
Disliked your opinions,
They'd gouge out a chunk of your brain.
TIGHTROPE – TINNY
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
...not.
An aspiring conductor named Ginny
Had a musical ear that was tinny.
And she flew in a pet
When her best review yet
Called her "...certainly no Toscanini!"
HAPPILY - HAZARDOUS
Edit: Wha? No tightrope! Never mind. I'll try again later.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
An aspiring conductor named Ginny
Had a musical ear that was tinny.
A tightrope performer
Called down through a dormer:
"That noise makes me wobble, you ninny!"
HAPPILY – HAZARDOUS
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
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Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
I heard a spectator exclaim:
"This rugby's a hazardous game!
But back in my day,
I'd happily play –
We were light, and the risks weren't the same".
FLANK – FLOORBOARD
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old hand
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old hand
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The car hurtled out from the bank,
Scraped the brick wall on its starboard flank.
Its speed was untoward;
Wheelman hit the floorboard
With his wingtips, so utterly swank.
BELITTLE – BEND
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Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
BELITTLE – BEND
I'm loath to belittle your driving,
But you went rather fast when arriving.
When you drove round that bend,
My hair stood on end –
Slow down if you want to keep thriving.
MAUDLIN – MEDDLE
Last edited by A C Bowden; 10/29/2015 3:01 PM.
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In matters most maudlin he'd meddle,
He'd love to go stir up the kettle.
When hearing of trouble,
He comes on the double
To offer his own ills for peddle.
MONTANE - MOOT
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
Don't wonder, in cool montane climes,
If you'd better grow lemons or limes;
The question is moot,
For those kinds of fruit
Won't thrive (it's been tried many times).
GLORIOUS – GNOMIC
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old hand
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old hand
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There is much in the world that is glorious,
Like the music of Michael Praetorius.
There is poetry gnomic,
There's the River Potomac,
And of course there is Groucho – uproarious!
BALL – BAMBOOZLER
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
The bamboozler is much to the fore
In business, in sport, and in war.
He can feint with the ball,
Or make his foes stall
As he gets them to storm the wrong shore.
ILLOGICAL – IMBUED
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Her stance was illogical,
Under the moon, more magical.
The darkness imbued
What the story construed.
Yes! She is ideological.
Pragmatic - ?
Would someone, please, find the proper word to pair with pragmatic?
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963 |
How about…
PRAGMATIC – PRECINCT ?
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 399 |
How about…
PRAGMATIC – PRECINCT ? Thank you Tromboniator
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Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
PRAGMATIC - PRECINCT
The precinct cops came to my attic
They freed me with drawn automatic
"Don't care how you got there
As long as your not there!"
That's what I call being pragmatic.
CARIBOU - CAUTION
FWIW Department - the two words are nominally from any handy dictionary or equivalent, chosen by opening to a random page and taking the Index first and last words from the top. (I suspect if you chose any two reasonably-close-together words at random, no one would notice or question your source...that also is being pragmatic.)
And -- nice to see your keystrokes again.
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old hand
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old hand
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You shouldn't eat raw caribou,
'cause its nutritive benefits? Few.
You'd have to use caution,
Or you'd end up washin'
Your clothing of vile, hairy spew.
COMBUSTION – COMMERCE
Okay, horrid verse, but after 35 years living in the environs, this summer I finally saw caribou in the Kenai River flats.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,971 Likes: 3 |
Heck, Peter, we have caribou in our zoo!
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Posts: 963
old hand
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old hand
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Posts: 963 |
I forgot to mention "natural habitat". Silly me.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,971 Likes: 3 |
I have visions of you out all over the tundra
pursuing herds of caribou just to see them
in their natural habitat.
I think I'll discuss this with Candy.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,062 Likes: 2 |
Yup.
COMBUSTION – COMMERCE
My float in the Easter Parade
Would win prizes in "Commerce and Trade"
(Except, the combustion
of its gonfalons fustian
Ensured it could never be made)
GENERAL - GIANT
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
The chief of the tribe was a giant
Whose people were cowed and compliant;
But when some young rebels
Attacked him with pebbles,
The general mood grew defiant.
DUCKLING – DUNE
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Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
A duckling whose sense of location
Went wrong in the course of migration
Collapsed on a dune
In the desert one noon,
And made vain attempts at natation.
IRRITATE – ISOLATION
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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The smart chick did not easily irritate.
Mind at ease revealed it's never too late.
Isolation iin her brave, sparkly dwelling,
Melted her heart and it began swelling.
Flummoxed - flute
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Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
It flummoxed the plucky young coot
To hear an ethereal flute.
'Twas the pipes played by Pan,
Whose magic began
To guide it along the right route.
SEVERAL – SIGNPOST
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,971 Likes: 3 |
It flummoxed the plucky young coot
To hear an ethereal flute.
'Twas the pipes played by Pan,
Whose magic began
To guide it along the right route.
SEVERAL – SIGNPOST 
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,453 Likes: 9 |
A signpost which faced the wrong way
Led several drivers astray.
A Model T flivver
Fell into the river,
And onlookers sighed with dismay.
KILTER – KITE
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