de balneis bmwiisque
I'm always behind everyone since my computer is in my office, so on Monday morning I see all this stuff, and it takes a good while to read it all.

I don't have a Latin dictionary in the office, but when I read the original post, I did get the one about the jacuzzi and sparkling water, but missed the BMW one. No comment on the atrocity of this dog latin.

For a really elegant modern translation into Latin, let me recommend Winnie Ille Pu, an excellent, and funny, translation of A.A.Milne's classic into classical Latin. I forget the name of the translator (the book is at home). I contains the immortal line, "De heffalumpibus semper dubitandum est."