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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724 |
A parachute fell from the sky,
Below was a sixty pig sty,
Baked beans producing gas
Exploded from their ass
And proved that sixty pigs can fly.
Not bad for a collective effort eh?
Edit: except ass ahould have been plural but that would give one too many syllable. Any one have a solution for this?
Last edited by Avy; 07/02/11 01:30 AM.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,735 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,735 Likes: 2 |
A parachute fell from the sky,
Below was a sixty pig sty,
Baked beans producing gas
Exploded from their ass
And proved that sixty pigs can fly. To polish up the rhythm slightly :
A parachute fell from the sky.
Below was a sixty-pig sty.
Beans turned into gas
Rushing out of their ass
Showed us how to make sixty pigs fly.Rhyme scheme? Check. Rhythm? Check. Humor? Maybe. Of a sort. A question: What does the parachute have to do with anything? Could have equally been a parakeet, an elephant, The President, a barnicle, a bicycle, a Witherspoon, a Communist, or a Googolplex. We've got the notes right and the rhythm right, but I'm not sure it's music yet.
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724 |
A farmer fell from the sky
While feeding his sixty pig sty
The beans and their gases
Rushed out of their asses
He witnessed his sixty pigs fly
Kitem(what?) Moosic?
Last edited by Avy; 07/02/11 02:16 AM.
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Posts: 10,735 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,735 Likes: 2 |
A farmer fell from the sky
Here we're missing a syllable, and the rhythm stumbles. But at least the "faller" has some relevance now.
It's not easy to get all the elements to be present at the same time !
For the fifth line - how about
And he said, "Sure enough! Pigs may fly!"
But somehow i'd like it to be about how he shows/teaches us how to make them do it. This way it's an accidental occurrence he happens to stumble across. (happens to fall into?)
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 724 |
The farmer fed beans to his sty
And pushed the pigs out of the sky
And when all the gases
Escaped from their asses
He said, "There you go! Pigs can fly."
-
This wofa is too exacting. I am thinking of resigning from this job.
Last edited by Avy; 07/02/11 03:42 AM.
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Posts: 52
journeyman
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journeyman
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 52 |
The farmer was looking into the sky
As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty
And when all the gases
Escaped from there asses
He thought, dang good job these pigs can't fly
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Posts: 963
old hand
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old hand
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963 |
Wofa, I most respectfully challenge your rhythm analysis. Reduced to the simplest form, a limerick may be:
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
You can add one or two unstressed syllables before the first stressed syllable of any or all lines, you can add one unstressed syllable after all the Bams, you can add one unstressed syllable after both Bums.
In New York it's too hot to complain.
I picked a big bunch of petunias.
I hate it when teenagers swear.
Felix the Cat drives me mad
These are all legitimate A (or, in this case, Bam) lines for a limerick. And (please don't consider this as a complaint or attack, I merely point this out) my line
Underneath it a sixty-ton sty.
exactly fits your
ba da BOM ba da BOM ba da A.
I wholeheartedly approve of your change from "ton" to "pig."
Edit: Actually, you can add two unstressed syllables after Bam. Difficult, but possible. I haven't delved into the rhyme question yet!
Last edited by Tromboniator; 07/02/11 08:24 AM.
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963
old hand
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old hand
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 963 |
This wofa is too exacting. No, he's not. If the rhythm is wrong it ain't a limerick. I am thinking of resigning from this job. Don't you dare!
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Posts: 1,706
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,706 |
I'd like to see the last line say that the pigs flew
The farmer was looking into the sky
As he fed beans to his pigs in the sty
And when all the gases
Escaped from there asses
He thought, if I light-up now, those pigs will fly
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,735 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 10,735 Likes: 2 |
Wofa, I most respectfully challenge your rhythm analysis. Reduced to the simplest form, a limerick may be:
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bum
Bom ba da Bom ba da Bam
You can add one or two unstressed syllables before the first stressed syllable of any or all lines, you can add one unstressed syllable after all the Bams, you can add one unstressed syllable in both Bums. (or even two sometimes) To keep the original post short I didn't list all possibe exceptions. You're right in every particular.
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