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Carpal Tunnel
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I remember the "first to see the sun rise" claims back
at the turn of the century/millenia. I believe Kiribati,
the Pacific Island nation, won the claim, tho' I'm not sure.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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It's futile to try to annoint
One spot as Earth's easternmost point.
It's a big sphere, by golly,
And our "date" line's just folly;
So let's not get our nose out of joint.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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old hand
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Its an integral part of our way
us humans must plot every day
to keep our own history
from being a mystery
let the world keep spinning I say
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"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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INCESTUOUS - INCOGNITO
The intercourse of the Sun and the Earth is not incestuous
Whether or not the Sun encircles us is decided just by us
An ancient racetrack builder even yet incognito
Drew a line across a track and presto we got "go"
There are lines for mathematicians and lines for the rest of us.
IRONCLAD - ISLAMIC
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Our generals are now hurling iron,
Clad in battle garb - 't'swhat they get high on.
Sure, the war's not atomic,
And the foe is Islamic,
But for now it's what they must get by on.
[...not to be mistaken for my actual sentiments, but it makes a pretty darned ok rhyme. I would much rather have been tasked with creating a limerick for these two:]
HOOKED - HOPPER
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Bravo General Beck! A tinge of poetic truth is beyond a passel of politics. Four Stars!Tenni-bopper Hopper was a hooker who hooked A hard-working humper her card was always booked What...was she a tail shaker? No...she was a clothing maker Who carded her wool and hooked her hooks, and you've been rooked.  PAWN - PEACH
Last edited by jenny jenny; 07/27/2010 9:42 PM.
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Ol' Bob and his gal, Missy Peach
Felt the good life was not out of reach.
To get there they'd pawn
Everything but the lawn,
Which they'd gaze upon, quite nouveau riche.
LOX - LUDDITE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Excellent. Another good one, mate. Change "gaze" to "graze" and Ole Bob and Missy Peach become two very happy sheep. See yall in a week or so. I'm saving the Vermonters; I'll be gone a right smart spell Lox and Bagel luddites all, they're going straight to Hell I didn't go to Haiti I figure it can waitee But I'm saving the Vermonters - I'll teach them to rebel. DILL PICKLE - DILLY DALLY
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Off color, but not coarsely vulgar: Young Sally seemed prudent and fickle
'Til a Jewish guy gave her a tickle.
Now, mind you, 'twas Sally
Said, "Don't dilly dally!
I'd like to try kosher dill pickle!"
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Duh. I'm sitting here wondering why there are no takers...
HEPATICA - HERE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Carpal Tunnel
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See yall in a week or so. Ah--no wonder you've not been over in onnicles. Hurry back!
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The buttercup of my desire - Hepatica of Ittica Took me to court for a broken vow I'd made to her The judge said: "Look here, Jennifer, did you promise To take Hepatica to Florida?" I said: "No, your Honor, I only told her that I wanted to Tampa with her." INFINITESIMAL - INFORMATION
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Welcome back, JJ!
Consider the commonplace decimal
Expressing the infinitesimal.
Yet, for large information,
In the right-est-most station,
That same dot makes hugeness accessible.
DISTRIBUTOR - DIVE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Nice one above, Beck; tightly written with a snip of neat content. It would take an entire battleship of sailors to provide the claps that it so richly deserves.  A distributor is no longer needed in the modern car Whatever it distributed is today passe and mostly neither nor. So when out for a drive And your car takes a dive Don't bother fixing your distributor because you won't get far. SALACIOUS - SALMONS
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Dorothy, in manners most gracious,
With an appetite short of voracious,
Cooked a dinner of salmons,
Broiled with garlic and lemons,
For her boyfriend, already salacious.
SLEEK - SLOBBER
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His target looked tempting and chic,
Her clothing expensive and sleek.
His intent was to rob her,
But he started to slobber
And just pinched her hard on the cheek.
KNEE - KNOCK
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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If your knee-knock peacock won't strut
Jump start him; kick him in the butt
And if your pea-cock
Still won't get it up
Buy him a brown hen; dress her like a slut.
ORIFICE - OROGENY
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No dirty words, but adult material, nonetheless... Noting Bob's private parts and their softness,
Traci said, "That won't do for my orifice.
We can't plan for our progeny
Without penile orogeny!"
Bob replied, "But I give at the office." SPEECH - SPEND
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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A governor unwilling to bend
From his policy of tax and spend,
Heard a furious speech
Laced with “lynch” and “impeach”
And saw his career at an end.
SLOE - SLY
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Good one, Bean. Here's an onnickmerick for your two words:
In Oslo, each person you see
Has a long and precise family tree.
Whether Swedish, Norwegian,
Icelandic, or Frisian,
Each guards his forebears jealously.
MEAN - MECHANICAL
Last edited by beck123; 08/11/2010 9:19 PM. Reason: fixed stupid grammar error
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Since there are no takers, I'll move this along... Al was a Mercedes mechanic. Al's buddy arrived in a panic. "My car's turning green!" "I see what you mean. "See a priest, 'cause it's something satanic." And here's a variation on a classic, using the same two words (not recommended for the sensitive): An engineer fellow named Paul
Had a truly mechanical ball.
The mean of its weight
Plus his pecker, times eight,
Plus two fifths, times ... oh, wait... f**k it all. MAIDENLY - MAJESTY
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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How mighty in war was His Majesty
but occasionly he dressed maidenly
When he fought the Huns
The Huns wons.
But worse:
His gown by Dior was a catastrophe.
RAINY DAY - RAMPAGE
Last edited by jenny jenny; 08/15/2010 7:51 PM.
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Yes, Beck, both of your limricks are funny, but I'll have to admit the vulgar one was the funnyist. I shoulda/coulda made this rhyme days ago but I couldn't stop reading the most excellent MARCH OF THE MICROBES by JOHN L INGRAHAM. Here's a poor but quick version:No, microbes are not mean they are merely mechanical A hodge-podge of lifethings we can't see, "microbes" is semantical They make our wine they make our beer They make our snow and atmosphere Sure some'll kill us, but few are mean and fewer pathological. RAINY DAY - RAMPAGE
Last edited by jenny jenny; 08/15/2010 8:46 PM.
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Thanks. I can't claim kudos for the hidden one: I heard it in more-or-less that form in 1967 at an engineering school.
There once was a man named Delay
Who put off most things, you might say.
With a chance to ram Page,
He said, "Think of my age!
Could we wait for a nice rainy day?"
OATMEAL - OBJECT
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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RAM PAGE? RAM PAGE?  Admit it, Beck, you are the Devil.
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One day at the old Mercantile
As Alec was buying oatmeal
He asked: “Y’ no object
That my member’s erect?”
And she whispered, “No, sir, it’s ideal!”
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Oops! I tried to "hide" it like Beck does, but I goofed up somehow.
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It pays to use the "Preview" button. That limerick's worth seeing, though! Good job, Bean!
Now, we need two more words.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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ROUNDLY - ROYALTY
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One particular maid had to boil tea
Every day for the men of the royalty.
Then they'd all thank her roundly
While schtupfing her soundly,
Saying, "Here's a reward for your loyalty!"
KNEEL - KNOCK
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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One day at the bloody Bastille
King Louis was bidden to kneel;
Came the blade with a KNOCK!
And chopped off his block.
Twas an era of unrest and zeal.
SHTICK - SIBILANT
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Sue confesses her esses sound sick,
So she seems to say, "shtick" 'stead of "sic."
Sure, Sue's sibilant sounds
Sort of spraddle around.
Still, she's shtassy and shtexy and shtlick.
LAW - LAYER
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Well, since there are no takers, I'll move this along...
There once was a mayor named Thayer.
Loved his wife, but he'd often betray 'er.
He'd break the town's law
With each whore that he saw,
Saying "I simply pay 'er and lay 'er."
RUMMER - RUNDLE
Last edited by beck123; 08/22/2010 2:52 PM. Reason: Make it mo' better
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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A lucky one, Benjamin Rundle,
Inherited quite a large bundle.
As he drank from his rummer
He said: “I may be a slummer,
But I’m the richest one in Anne Arundel.”
[I don't have access to a dictionary at the moment. Would someone else post two new words? Jackie? Anybody??]
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In social affairs she put on airs -a glass became a "rummer" Her social rundels thought her swell -she rode them in her hummer But as hard as we might try To ourselves we cannot lie The unhappy life of the unhappy wife of the unhappy Joe the plummer. GERMANE GHOUL Gee whiz, CB, you are fast; you beat me by five minutes.
Last edited by jenny jenny; 08/24/2010 8:47 PM.
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There once was a fellow named Duane
Who met a young witch named Lorraine.
To show he was cool,
He said, "My dad's a ghoul,"
And she said, "I don't think that's germane."
HURTLE (sic) - HYENA
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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There once was a brawling hyena
Down south in San Juan, Argentina.
In a fight with a turtle;
His glass he did hurtle.
You never seen a meaner hyena in a cantina.
APPLAUSE - APPREHENSION
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Claude Bawels tamed big cats with sharp claws.
Even though Simba once clawed his drawers,
He shows no apprehension.
He's still earning his pension:
He'll do anything twice for applause.
GLITTERING - GLOTTAL
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Gaby with gold and gems glittering
Spends all her time texting and twittering.
Matters vocal and glottal
She sorta forgotal;
No more gabbing – she’s whispering and tittering.
block-busting – bloomer
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