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A poor little dog stood alone,
In the picturesque town of Colon
He used his last dollar
To buy a new collar
Then walked off to look for a bone.
(yeah, yeah, I know...)
NURSEMAID - NYCTALOPIA
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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I know I'm late, but I'll post it anyway.
In the city of Cork (or vicinity),
In the garden of Kevin MacGinity,
Deep in bugloss and moss
He caught his wife and her boss,
And bulldozed them both to Infinity.
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I had made this limerick for bugloss and bulldoze then I chose to replace it with a sentence. Instead of letting go waste, I'll post it.
To make a pretty avatar.
CB added a bugloss flower
But then when I chose
To upload a bulldoze
Er- it was too heavy by far.
(Crazy)
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A nursemaid who had nyctalopia,
Thought she'd discovered utopia.
It was sunny and bright
In Alaska at night...
But the family was from Ethiopia.
PREST - PREVAIL
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Carpal Tunnel
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----please, draw me a sheep----
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Good one, Modscop. Welcome to the funny farm.
There once was a fellow from Brest
Who found himself wanting for prest.
He failed to prevail
'Pon the bar for free ale,
So his drinking mate paid for the rest.
MOSSO - MOTIVE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Good word! I had to go to the BIG dictionary for mosso.  What is the motive to play In any particular way Forte and mossoor quiet and so slow? Do what the composer did say! CORMEL - COROLLATE
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Bob studied the oak and the beech.
The botanical members of each
He'd label corollate,
Or a cormel, or globate.
He grew bulbous with flowery speech!
DISTRACTED - DIVISION
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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The man on the stage
of undefined age
looked strangely distracted
The way that he acted
would not get him to division: Front Page
FANFARONADE FARINACEOUS
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A fellow on South Esplanade
Developed a habit most odd:
After meals farinaceous
He'd become quite loquacious
And deliver a fanfaronade
LIMITLESS - LINE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Friday I went to our "great" DMV
I needed a tag for the Jeep, don't you see.
In a limitless line
I arrived before nine,
And finished at quarter 'til three.
DIRT - DISBANDMENT
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She flipped him the bird for dessert,
And her car drove off, kicking up dirt.
He knew what that hand meant -
Their final disbandment -
Since he had on his unlucky shirt.
(another one that was hard to deliver with a PG rating)
GRADUALISM - GRAMMAR
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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WARNING: This is the "unrated" (i.e., lewd to a fault) version of my last. If you want to read it, click the box. If you may be offended by sexual content, please don't click the box, and just enjoy the PG-rated version, above. Thanks. She flipped him the bird for dessert,
And her car drove off, kicking up dirt.
He knew what that hand meant:
Their final disbandment.
He shouldn't have cum on her skirt.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Limericks were historically lewd.
Some say they could even be crude
By gradualism (or hammer)
We've improved the grammar
But your bawdy tale shouldn't be booed
HALVE - HAND
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Limericks were historically lewd.
Some say they could even be crude
By gradualism (or hammer)
We've improved the grammar
But your bawdy tale shouldn't be booed
HALVE - HAND Hear, Hear, ModScop. If you don't like the stuff, stay off the thread.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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uhm..Huh? But your bawdy tale shouldn't be booed ; that is positively meant or am I wrong?
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I think it's ok to post the cruder limericks as long as they are hidden and supplied with a warning, as I did above. If anybody thinks this is inadequate protection, please let me know here or by PM, and I will desist - I recognize that this is a common space, and I'm more than willing to honor that.
To hide something, use this UBB code to surround that which you would like hidden: (left bracket)spoiler(right bracket), and the usual (left bracket)/spoiler(right bracket) to end.
I strongly suggest that you use the "Preview Reply" feature to be certain your lechery is actually hidden before submitting it using this code. (I had it wrong on the first try.)
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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They contested who owned the fat calf
(A difficult object to halve.)
One man altered the brand
With some quick sleight-of-hand,
Taking home the whole beast with a laugh.
INCORRIGIBLE - INDEBTED
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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The reporter had been thought incorrigible
His attitude really was horrible
With some troops he embedded
Now his life is indebted
To the men he once found deplorable.
HOLE - HOLY
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A man found himself in a hole
And had to make do on the dole.
When his story was told he
cursed all that was holy
And earned the cognomen, "A Soul"
NOODLE - NOMOGRAPH
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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The college paid time and a half
For a lazy researcher on staff
He'd slurp on a noodle
While petting his poodle
As they awaited a new nomograph
FOOTBALL - FORB
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Since stumble-bum Ernest McNorb
Had so many rules to absorb,
His first try at football
Outside our Cheroot Hall
Saw his chin strap meet up with a forb.
DRAMA - DRAWING ROOM
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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During dinner he spouted our doom
A future of bleakness and gloom.
After dining in drama,
That bordered on trauma
I escaped to my quaint drawing room.
MANSE - MANUSCRIPT
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In spite of the proud Lord's defense
He was expelled from his manse
An old manuscript said
't Was not his to be had
And the bailiff he meant no offense.
JUDICIOUS - JESTER
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Tom was a gourmet and a jester,
And he feted a girl just to test her.
With great timing judicious
She washed all the dishes:
His cooking, it seems, had impressed her!
(Good work on those last two, guys)
ENCYCLOPEDIC - ENDORSE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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There once was a vet, Doctor Morse,
Who coerced a last will from a horse.
Being encyclopedic
'Bout things orthopedic
Morse forced the old horse to endorse.
POLYPLOID - POMPOUS
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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I had one for encyclopedic and endorse..I just had to work all weekend...
He will tell you who you should endorse.
He will tell you the myths of Old Norse.
He's encyclopedic,
and often comedic...
He claims to be trained in "the Force."
Moving on....
In the past I have often enjoyed
Rhyming word that others avoid.
I try not to be pompous-
It can be quite arduous,
But I can't seem to use polyploid!
MERMAN - MESOSCALE
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Good one! (I love this stuff...)
On his face they are tiny and pale
But grow large on the tip of his tail.
(and we're not talking hair, man,
for this guy's a merman!)
The remainder are, well, mesoscale.
ECHELON - ECONOMIZE
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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While sitting in a chic salon
Among the upper echelon
I learned - to no surprise-
They can not economize,
and they're shock when they are overdrawn.
NODUS - NOMOLOGICAL
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We met with a deadbeat named Otis
And demanded the money he owed us.
His mien seemed to thaw,
Then he quoted the law:
An odd nomological nodus.
LAYERAGE - LEAD
(And I note with some levity that I am now a "member," a point my wife makes periodically, using various synonyms)
Last edited by beck123; 03/17/2010 12:35 AM.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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A variation that I like just as well:
We met with a deadbeat named Otis
And demanded the money he owed us.
We stood in his foyer
Along with his lawyer:
An odd nomological nodus.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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The speech of the next candidate, who was a gardner before he entered politics, began with, "The need of the hour is layerage!" "Layerage," he said, "will lead to ... layering!"
KIT and KITSCHE
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There once was a lady named Brit
Whose bric-a-brac rack was a hit.
The woman was rich,
So - although it was kitsche -
She had ordered the whole tasteless kit.
BURYING BEETLE - BUSYBODY
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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A cute little scarabee
said: "no burying beetle for me.
He may be of use
But we're all free to choose
He's too much of a busybody. "
CARAMEL - CAMELEON
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The candy man asked the chameleon,
"So tell me, kid, how are you feelin'?"
The chameleon said, "Swell,
But your rich caramel
Has my insides all rockin' and reelin'."
GAZEBO - GELATION
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Another alternate version...
He observed it at first at aphelion,
Then the next day 'twas at perihelion.
So he said, "What the hell,
Pass the mascara, Mel.
Let's all act just like a chameleon."
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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The folks on the "poetry thread" are regaling themselves with Whitman, Yeats, and other writers of flowers and pretty scenery. (My taste in poetry leans toward cummings and Bukowski, which would probably not be appreciated there.) I bring this up because a few recent posts have sneered a bit at limericks (I actually think the "Anti-Limerick" that was posted is great.) So here's how a limerick might respond, late on St. Pattie's Day, in classic limerick style. It's offered in good humor, but not good taste, so don't read it unless you're ok with four-letter words and anatomically-unlikely suggestions. WARNING: Foul language and (affected) bad attitude:So, us limericks don't have no class?
You "poets" think us guys is crass?
Take your "O's" and your "canst's,"
Stuff them all down your pants;
And that German crap, stuff up your ass. (Somebody's going to hate me for this.)
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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It would need a bit more to create hate. I have two volumes of cummings and learned about his existence here on this board. So bring in your cummimgses and Bukowski. Limericks are fun but I do not want to stick to the rules as the outcome tends to become predictable. Specially first lines. And I sure cannot keep up with the speed you are setting. The German poem is certainly not about flowers and pretty scenery.
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The German poem is tedious. I can read German well enough to know it sounds like something an angst-ridden "death-metal" rock band would write. It's no wonder we use the German word, Angst. They seem to have invented the emotion.
Limericks certainly do have a certain predictability, don't they? Nonetheless, I see them as happy haiku, in that they are short, require severe editing and a dollop of creativity to comply with the requisite structure. Also, like haiku, they are doggerel 99 percent of the time (particularly mine.) As with any literary form, however, there are those rare flares of brilliance, and this is (currently) my chosen form.
Nobody need stick to the rules; the rules of this thread make no mention of limericks, in fact. With that said, I think that if we submit sentences instead of limericks, there should be some constraints in addition to using the two challenge words. That's far too easy. We could specify a target number of words and/or syllables, for example. Or require a certain degree of alliteration to earn big points, since the words almost always start with the same letter. Just some thoughts to keep people engaged.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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Another very uncouth limerick, this time for "GAZEBO - GELATION" Somebody please rescue us with a PG version. WARNING. Strong sexual content (but no cuss words.)She's a big UF fan - Gator Nation!
And those daquiris? Perfect gelation!
Later, in the gazebo
(Sadly, not with Tim Tebow)
Her behavior progressed to fellation.
"I don't know which is worse: ignorance or apathy. And, frankly, I don't care." - Anonymous
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