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#168619 06/10/07 06:56 PM
Joined: Jul 2005
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Pooh-Bah
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CONTRADICTIONARY
Janus words galore
Contributions welcomed; credit will be accorded

101 Freeway in L.A. – This freeway is labeled North & South where in fact it spans East to West–Lee Scott L. Hileman/ It should be noted that for the most part, 101 does run N-S. However, its use locally is more for E-W commuter traffic

ad-lib written jokes – Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn

ahead of schedule = behind schedule - George Bush, of Iraq war

altar boys – In many Catholic parishes, majority of “altar boys” are girls–Victorville CA Daily Press

animated reality show

antidepressant – Doctors who prescribe some popular ~s should monitor their patients closely for warning signs of suicide…–AP

awful – At the same time, means terrible and inspiring awe–Dee, rpt by Stuart Kellogg, Victorville CA Daily Press

better good – Benefit, but not necessarily improvement over something good: ...being jabbed with a needle...a needed pain because it brings about a ~ –srv2.purenrg Naked Writing : The beatings will continue...

blowout – At the same time, means lopsided victory and massive defeat

bubbler – Bubblers actually spray

circular firing squad – Dan Walters, re California Republican Party

class size reduction – A new bill...would allow school districts to have more students in their ~ programs–Victorville CA Daily Press

cleave – Harold of Apple Valley contributes the homographs “cleave” (to adhere) and “cleave” (to split)...–Stuart Kellogg

cold-blooded = warm blooded

colder than hell

colorblind government – A new federal law tacks student achievement in English and math and sorts it by race. “We would still be collecting data, but we’d be prohibited from using it,” Oconnell said–AP

compassionate conservative

cross-training shoes An athletic shoe carefully optimized by its manufacturer to be useful for no athletic activity whatsoever. Usual optimizations guarantee the cross-trainer is too heavy for a fast track performance, while providing insufficient support for basketball–sneakers.pair.com Charlie's Sneaker FAQ and Glossary...

crump – Crunch, explode; bomb. Also slang for splendid, excellent and fail, die

decimate – 1 Reduce by only one-tenth 2 Devastate almost completely

Deltrola 1932 cathedral AM/FM radio with lighted dial – Side-loading cassette player – K-Mart

destroy the village in order to save it – Military

Disposable Income – Alison Wright

dog – At same time means to go after with tenacity and to slack off

Don’t brush on – Instructions for paint remover supplied with brush

effloresce – 1 Bloom, as in the springtime 2 dry out til becoming a powder

enjoy – At the same time means to Endure for a BETTER GOOD; suffer

factoid – 1 Spurious or questionable spin 2 Short news item, nominally true

fat chance = slim chance

flexitarian – Vegetarian who eats meat

freedom to obey the Church

friendly fire

get it on = get it off

get-well cards – A drug store that sells ~ cards–B.C.

government organization – Alison Wright

hose thread/pipe thread – The entire home-watering industry is so hopelessly confused between these similar 3/4” threads that you cannot depend on taking home the parts you need unless you can tell the difference yourself

I can resist anything but temptation – Oscar Wilde

I could care less = I couldn’t care less

in = out: BUST IN =BUST OUT; FILL IN = FILL OUT–Alison Wright

indoor wind chimes

inflammable = flammable

In-Store SIDEWALK SALE! – Oreck newspaper ad

irregardless = regardless

jobless recovery

jobless prosperity

jumbo shrimp – Alison Wright

kinder, gentler military

land reclamation project – Garbage dump

let – Means both to allow and hinder

maple pecan crunch

Microsoft Works – Alison Wright

military campaign is designed to make the world more peaceful, the – The News With Brian Williams, CNBC

military intelligence

movie: Fellowship of the Ring / Lord of the Ring –Well?

next Friday = Friday after next Pursuing this anomaly, the latter could mean two Fridays hence and so on ad infinitum. Carrying this incongruity to its logical confusion, Friday after last could mean two Fridays ago; and therefore Christ was born last Friday.

odor-free garlic tablets

one size fits all

...orange juice made entirely from oranges – Tropicana commercial

paid-sick-day request

peruse – At the same time means read diligently and casually or leisurely–Doug, rpt by Stuart Kellogg, Victorville CA Daily Press

pikeminnow – ...the~...is North America’s largest minnow, grows to 6 feet in length...–AP

Rapid Transit

rubber stimulator – Literally, part of a toothbrush

safety corridor – Dangerous roadway: ~s are stretches of state and local highways with incidence of fatal or injury traffic crashes higher than statewide average...–www.odot.state.or.us What is a ~

sanguine – Means both cheerful and violently bloody–Stuart Kellogg

seeded – Means either with seeds or without. Sellers label grapes having seeds as “~”, hoping the customer will interpret this as seedless

semi-permanent

shalom – ...Gene of Victorville cites “~” (hello, goodbye, peace)–Stuart Kellogg

shut down – 1= SHUT UP 2 In Windows 98, Shut Down is first choice under Start

single-occupant carpool lane sticker – DMV

solar pool cover – Warnings in mfr’s warranty: Degraded by sunlight; weakened by water temperature over 90 degrees F; dissolved by chlorine. Thus destroyed by sunny weather, sufficient chlorine to keep pool clean, and water temperature suitable for swimming

solar-powered flashlight

steep learning curve – The phrase "~" is sometimes used incorrectly to mean "hard to learn" whereas of course it implies rapid learning

steer a hot-air balloon – Laverne Hileman

Strier, William – Shoots manager of his trust fund, who late comments, “Psychologically it doesn’t really have any impact”

sugar pill – Effects attributed to ~: abdominal pain, back pain, blood clot, cold, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, ear and upper respiratory infection, headache, heart attack, mood swings, nausea, nosebleed, persistent thirst, sleeping difficulty, sore throat, stroke

super glue – When first appeared on the market instantly bonded almost anything to anything else. Evidently out of fear of lawsuits, however, its makers altered the formula, rendering it safer to use. Then, however it didn’t stick as quickly nor as well; it was no longer superI

table – Means both to present a resolution for discussion or to delay or kill it

talking telescope

tear at notch – Our sources advise us this is impossible; except in the sense where tear at means to attempt but fail; in which case, of course, the medication is intended principally to exercise the fingers

This Page Intentionally Left Blank – Alison Wright

Toledo – President of Peru

To spend money is to save it; risk is security; to ensure peace, wage war – Doonesbury, re Bush foreign policy

tubing size: 1/2 (5/8) – Believe it or not, there is one size of drip-system distribution tubing that is labeled 1/2” but which actually measures 5/8”. Over the years the manufacturer evidently had produced millions upon millions of feet of it before he realized his mistake. The tubing is still labeled 1/2, but the compression coupling intended to join two lengths of this tubing comes in a package that identifies its size as 1/2 (5/8). No kidding. This coupler is therefore confused with an adapter that actually couples 1/2” tubing to 5/8”.

The mfr may argue that 1/2” is its actual size when forced into a compression fitting. But then what is its size if instead a barbed coupler is shoved into it?
See HOSE THREAD

universal O-ring See ONE SIZE FITS ALL

U..S. military operations – Carolina Moon; Just Cause; Productive Effort, Enduring Freedom

warm-blooded = cold-blooded

wicker bedpan – Drew Carey, What’s my line anyway? =screen door on a submarine

worm = deworm


dalehileman
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stranger
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Cat Door for the fridge ( a New Statesman useless invention competition)

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addict
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Post too long, too tired to argue. "What's My Line?" and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" are two unrelated shows.

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Pooh-Bah
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Myr's point is well taken. Any contributor finding a post too long is herewith cordially advised that it is unnecessary to read


dalehileman
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Check out the pseudo antonyms topic. Add some of your own; I'm sure there must be several.


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