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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
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THE MORAL: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
When I was working at McLean Hospital, a very high priced laughing academy, there was a patient there who was a scion of one of the oldest blue-blooded clans. When the lady psychiatrist taking his history in a filled lecture hall asked him how many girls he had had intercourse with, he answered "About two thousand." She exclaimed "I meant different girls, not times!" He answered " I meant dfferent girls." He had a very expensive convertible, and would wait outside shoe factories as the girls came out, and offer them rides. He had no trouble finding girls who were "game" when they looked at the car, and his handsome face. But he never asked the same girl twice, and there were a lot of shoe factories back then. But his alcoholism prevented him from setting record Wilt Chamberlain could not beat. So you don't have to be hung like a horse if you've got a Mercedes.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
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THE MORAL: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Some years ago I was lamenting to the "stud" in my bicycle club about my lack of connubial connection, whereupon he, who had a new woman every week, made the following suggestion to me: "Buy a new, ultra high tech, $2,000 bike, buy the latest yuppie lycra outfit, and, to enhance your sex appeal, put a medium sized potato in your shorts." I complied with his suggestion, much to the chagrin of my bank account, and set out to try my luck. The bike chics I encountered, rather than being friendly, only pointed and laughed. Upon my return from my ride I told the Club Stud of my dismal failure. He looked me over, then suggested, "Put the potato in front."
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Dear Geoff: Wasn't it uncomfortable, riding with three gonads? Two regular, one prosthesis?
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Joined: Mar 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
"Put the potato in front."
Oh, Geoff, oh Geoff! Your tail-telling is in arrears...
[high-'tailing' it back into the gutter emoticon]
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stranger
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stranger
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I have been reading all of your stories over the past two days, and I must admit that I've thoroughly enjoyed them. Here's one I heard a while ago...
There was a British expedition exploring the depths of Africa in the late 19th century. The plan was for the group to start in South Africa and slowly make its way up the continent, cataloging various species of animals and taking notes on all of the tribes encountered. Towards the beginning of the trip, the group encountered a very generous tribe and camped for a few weeks with them. When the time came to travel on, the chief gave the group many gifts, including his grand mahogany throne. The group continued into the interior of the Dark Continent and, after a while, encountered a savage tribe of cannibals. In order to spare themselves, the members of the expedition granted the chief of the cannibals all of their acquired gifts, including the throne. The chief was completely enthralled with the chair, and decided to have it kept in his own private hut. Not having much floor-space, the chair was hoisted up to the primitive attic of the small hut. Over night, the weak woven grass floor of the attic gave way and the chair toppled to the ground, crushing the chief as he slept. The moral of the story is, "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones."
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Dear nathanw5: A moral to remember. And please let us have an encore or two. Bill Hunt
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
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Dear Geoff: " Some years ago I was lamenting to the "stud" in my bicycle club about my lack of connubial connection..."
And to whom was the other half of the "connubialconnection"complaining ?
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Joined: Nov 2000
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old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
The group continued into the interior of the Dark Continent and, after a while, encountered a savage tribe of cannibals.
Of course, Nathan, not all cannibals are from the Dark Continent. There is an obscure reference in the Hollinshead Chronicles, if memory serves, about Fitzgerald the Scot, who was a cannibal. When he defeated someone in battle, he would roast the foe and consume him. On one occasion he bested the Earl of Gatsby and his champion, an unnamed knight. Upon devouring them he exclamed, "Tender is the knight, and the Gatsby's great!"
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
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"Tender is the knight, and the Gatsby's great!"
ahhh, but you failed to mention how delectable his three comrades tasted...
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