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#16362
01/22/2001 4:18 PM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542 |
LOG ON: making da voodstove hotter.
LOG OFF: don't add vood.
MONITOR: keep an eye on da voodstove.
MEGAHERTZ: vhen a big log drops on your barefoot in da mornin'.
FLOPPY DISK: vhat you get from piling too much vood.
RAM: da hydraullic thing dat makes da voodsplitter vork.
HARD DRIVE: getting home during most of da vinter.
PROMPT: vhat ya vish da mail vas during da snow season.
ENTER: come on in!!
WINDOWS: vhat ya close vhen it gets 10 degrees below zero.
SCREEN: vhat is a must during mosquito season.
CHIP: vhat ya munch during da Vikings game.
MICROCHIP: vhat's left inda bag vhen da chips are gone.
MODEM: vhat ya did to da hayfields last Yuly.
DOT MATRIX: Sven's Matrix vife.
LAPTOP: vhere da grandkids sit.
KEYBOARD: vhere ya s'posed to put da keys so da Missus can find em.
SOFTWARE: da plastic picnic utensils, ya?
MOUSE: vhat leaves dem little turds in da cupboard.
MAINFRAME: da part of da sauna dat holds up da roof.
PORT: vhere da commercial fishin boats dock.
uff da!
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#16363
01/22/2001 4:36 PM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757 |
Hah!!  Spoken like a true logogogue, tsuwm 
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#16364
01/22/2001 5:12 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
Minnesotans and Newcastle-thingians obviously share a unique view of the computing world. Here's what Microsoft has to say. It was contributed by a friend in England who isn't Geordie but who is equally as incomprehensible to most Poms coming, as he does, from Invercargill in the frozen southern wastes of Zild:
MICROSOFT PRESS RELEASE
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle. If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads Windaz 98 with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge. It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled 'shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'how te fook aboot wi the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
Other Features:
OK = alreet
cancel = fook that
yes = aye
no = nee fookin' chance
find = gan gerit ya fooking sel'
goto = owa there
help = ah cannit dee it
stop = divvent move
start = hadaway and shite
settings = settins
programs = stuff that daes stuff
personal folder = me shite
Also note that Windaz 98 does not recognise capital letters or
punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to Windaz
98:
tiperiter = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
dole = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by postcode and price ofBrown Ale
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy
of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for an
immediate replacement.
Regards
Bill Gates
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#16365
01/22/2001 6:25 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
WWW -- De Wobblies, Wisconsin liberals all of 'em (Non-US citizens probably won't get this one)
Delete --Start of a sentence about mice -- Delete ANYTING!
Insert -- What de smart ones give ven ast a queschun.
Tab -- first name of a Christian singer.
Esc -- vat da dumb ones do when they vant an insert
Laser -- most of dem guys up to Canada
Alt -- what one of dem Mounty guys might yell atcher
Website -- Vot? Dot voman didn't dust AGAIN!
Program -- I din't know hoors worked THAT long!
Abort -- a long piece of wood, often cud up for de voodstove
Screen -- vot doesn't keep de blackflies out
capture -- one of da Governer's wrestling holds
Internet -- where I try to get de lake trout
FAQ -- a common subject of an insert
data -- my son's sister
cancel -- why I'm not a shopkeeper
TEd
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#16366
03/22/2001 8:44 PM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,379 |
MOUSE: vhat leaves dem little turds in da cupboard.
SCSI!
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