#16230
01/25/2001 7:07 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 130
member
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member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 130 |
<<Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?>>
A dear female friend of mine used to respond to lame pickup lines with, "Is that a Chap Stick in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
Oof!
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#16231
01/25/2001 9:21 PM
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
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addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
Ted: "I was really hoping the first word in change management was a verb."
New CEO slogan (unfortunately not my CEO...)
'If you can't change the people, change the people.'
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#16232
01/26/2001 12:56 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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member
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Posts: 157 |
Here's a poster slogan for businesses: "We put the K in Kwality."
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#16233
01/26/2001 1:02 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2
stranger
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stranger
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2 |
I wish I had come up with the word "doi." Maybe I just wish it were popular to say that again.
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#16234
01/26/2001 4:39 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
I have another one which I still giggle insanely over. It concerns Fox (the English Prime Minister, and I assume a Tory) and Lord North (who I assume was the Leader of the Opposition and, obviously, a Whig). The conversation is reputed to have occurred in Parliament during a debate, but I can't find the reference to confirm any of the above. North: "Fox, you will either be hanged or die of the pox!" Fox: "That depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's policies or your mistress!" This has to be one of the greatest rebuttals/putdowns ever uttered ... And it seemed to fit with both the basic thread and the side-discussion on STDs. 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#16235
01/26/2001 4:50 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
Thanks for that one CapK, I had forgotten all about that gem. By the way, How's the vieux main? (apologies to BelMarduk and TEd  )
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#16236
01/26/2001 5:43 AM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 3,065 |
It is a good one, but misascribed. The parties were actually the Earl of Sandwich (attitude to bananas unknown, to me at least) and John Wilkes.
Bingley
Bingley
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#16237
01/26/2001 11:03 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
Bingley corrected: It is a good one, but misascribed. The parties were actually the Earl of Sandwich (attitude to bananas unknown, to me at least) and John Wilkes.Which, no doubt, is why Google didn't give me any clues ... did I at least get the political parties correct? MaxQ: Don't know mon droit de mon gauche (equally with apologies to all viewing francophones). 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#16238
01/26/2001 12:43 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
This reminds me of the terrible times the management at the German national airlines was having. It got so bad that the right hansa didn't know what the Lufthansa was doing!
TEd
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#16239
01/26/2001 7:38 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289 |
I was reminded by a note in today's newspaper of a lady who said to Winston Churchill, "Winston, if I were married to you, I'd poison your coffee," to which he immediately replied, "and if I were your husband I'd drink it."
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#16240
01/26/2001 7:41 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289 |
I just remembered another presidential one-liner.
Calvin Coolidge, who was notorious for brevity, came back from chuch one Sunday. His wife was at home, not having felt well, and she asked, "What was the sermon about?" Coolidge replied, "Sin." She asked, "Well, what did he say?" Cal replied, "He was against it."
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#16241
01/26/2001 8:15 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 130
member
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member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 130 |
Who had that other great White House oneliner? Bess Truman? Eleanor Roosevelt? She said something to the effect of, "If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, come sit beside me."
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#16242
01/26/2001 8:23 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
Alice! I think she was Teddy daughter or maybe granddaughter-- cousin to Eleanor and Franklin
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#16243
01/26/2001 9:58 PM
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444
addict
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addict
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 444 |
I can't remember who was meant to have said it to whom - some society beauty to a leading politician - but the conversation was along the lines of:
'We should consider marriage. Consider - a child with my looks and your brains.'
'No thanks! Consider a child with my looks and your brains.'
I was fool enough to apply this once to someone who was boasting about his mother who had a doctorate and father who had played rubgy at an international level...
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#16244
01/27/2001 4:31 AM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 2,891 |
I think the best one-line I ever came up with was just two words long...
I was being interviewed for a job by the President and Vice-President when they decided to ask a physcological question (I guess they must have read some book that said they should). The point of those is to see how you react as much as what you answer. This is what they asked...
"If you were stuck on a desert island and you could have one thing with you, only one thing...what would it be"
I replied...
"a boat"
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#16245
01/27/2001 2:31 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
I met Alice Roosevelt Longworth when I was a young kid living in DC. Somehow my parents wangled an invitation to a party and I somehow wangled an invitation to go with them. She was a very nice little old lady who ruled DC's social scene for many yers, along with a lady named Perle Mesta.
Alice was TR's daughter and from the pictures of her in her youth darn fine looking. She married a guy named Longworth who was very much her senior and who is the person for whom the Longworth House Office Building is named.
Alice's birth caused the death of TR's first and much adored wife, whose name I think might have been Anne. TR was distraught as he had married very much for love, and farmed out Alice because there was just too much pain involved in even holding her in his arms. When she was much older TR resumed his parental relationship with her.
I don't remember what she and I talked about, as I was only 7 or so, but somewhere around there's a picture of me and her together. I think my younger brother has it.
TEd
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#16246
01/29/2001 4:50 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,289 |
a child with my looks ...
It was George Bernard Shaw and Isadora Duncan.
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#16247
01/29/2001 8:33 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439 |
There is a story that at one White House party, Mrs Longworth lit up a cigarette at a reception and was approached by frowning functionary who admonished her that there was no smoking allowed in the White House. She reportedly replied "Young man I was smoking in the White House before you were born, now get me an ashtray." Word has it he did. wow
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#16248
01/29/2001 10:20 PM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 347
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 347 |
Having seen the film "The Dish" recently, as I posted in another thread, I was reminded of Neil Armstrong's immortal words:
"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind".I admire the (intended) sentiments, allegedly Neil's own words, not those of NASA or the US government, but it has always bugged me that he left out the critical article "a", thus seriously undermining the meaning. Indeed the quote is sometimes rendered as: "That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind".I have heard Armstrong claim that he said the "a", but that it was nabbed by gremlins in the communication system. I tend to believe the alternative theory that in his nervous state he fluffed the line. But hell, who can blame him? I go weak at the knees on a stepladder. Post-script: Thought I'd google the subject before posting. Here's just one of the thousands of results: http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_362.html
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#16249
02/01/2001 1:40 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157 |
That reminds me of advice I heard for a job interview: When they asks what you consider your weaknesses to be, reply - with a straight face - "Kryptonite."
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#16250
02/01/2001 1:43 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
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Posts: 157 |
Yes, I have noticed that the [a] gets left out a lot. I think I may have believed the [a] was not in there for some time, though I eventually learned the truth.
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#16251
02/01/2001 1:44 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157 |
Yes, I have noticed that the [a] gets left out a lot. I think I may have believed the [a] was not in there for some time, though I eventually learned the truth. Even now I sometimes forget.
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#16252
02/01/2001 1:59 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157 |
Whoops, sorry. I thought of something to add at the last second and pushed the "stop" button - guess I pushed it too late.
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#16253
02/01/2001 3:46 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
In reply to:
Having seen the film "The Dish" recently, as I posted in another thread, I was reminded of Neil Armstrong's immortal words:
"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind".
I admire the (intended) sentiments, allegedly Neil's own words, not those of NASA or the US government, but it has always bugged me that he left out the critical article "a", thus seriously undermining the meaning. Indeed the quote is sometimes rendered as:
"That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind".
All of which simply goes to prove that the whole Moon landing was a giant hoax, a fraud involving tens of thousands of people who managed to keep the secret without any leaks over several decades.
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#16254
02/06/2001 11:33 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157 |
Of course! And you know the earth has got to be flat, no matter what they try to tell us!
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#16255
02/10/2001 4:22 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
..."COPROLITES HAPPEN".
Which is precisely why I howl with laughter at the Chevrolet truck advertisements exclaming, "Like a rock!"
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#16256
02/10/2001 4:42 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
For all interested in this thread I highly recommend the book, "The Portable Curmudgeon" by Jon Winokur. He also has a sequel, "A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love," which is just the ticket for Valentine's Day.
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#16257
02/11/2001 6:45 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Thanks, Geoff; good idea, esp. since I bought my husband "The Portable Curmudgeon" a couple of years ago.
(I vill say nothink...nothink!)
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#16258
02/11/2001 7:01 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 771 |
So you might call it a Port-a-mudgeon? Just a thought...
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#16259
02/11/2001 8:26 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Port-a-mudgeonSounds like an excellent repository for an old fossil's coprolites!  Ooh, the mileage I could get out of that one!
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