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Howye fokes!
TEd (no relation) - ya sed it on a plat fer sure.
Branshea - thanks a millin fer the potta jam stuff - we ate it fer sure and it done wonders fer the fur on our tongues.
Faldage - I'd love ta be around more but I had ta spend the past few weeks learen the Latin fer ta unravel yer quote on the other thread, will ya just translate it fer me so that I can confirm that I'm right again.
Be seein ya
GT
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Be glad to, Ted. What was it I wrote?
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Thanks for the multiple laughs Teds et al
'always a pleasure
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Howye fokes! How is things?
In taday’s cut throat society when everybody would give their high teeth and their right arm – not ta mention take the eye outta yer hed - just fer ta keep up with the Jonses, it’s just grate ta see that a brand new book on the subject entitled, "How ta Get Ahed" has been published by none other then me very wordy pal, Albear Camoo. And the letters a gratitude what we received from greatfull readers only speek volums on how awe-inspirenly brillant this opus actually is. For example:
Dear Ted
I read your column with great pleasure and interest every week and think it’s the best thing since super glue. Keep up the good work and I have to agree with you, that without a doubt Goldilocks is indeed a proper galloping trollop … (and all that sorta stuff – the writer doesn’t quiet stop there but outta modesty I’ll get ta his pint quick – GTed).
Please, please pass on my heartiest congratulations to your little pal, Albear Camoo, for his remarkable new book, "How to Get Ahead". I followed all his tips and advice to the very letter and Ted, and cannot begin to explain how my life has turned around for the better. Although, all of the book was most helpful and stimulating, I personally found the following tips to be totally awe-inspiring:
In order to get ahead you must: 1. Keep your finger on the pulse. 2. Keep your shoulder to the wheel. 3. Keep your back covered. 4. Keep trouble at arms length. 5. Keep your feet on the ground. 6. Have a hard neck. 7. Always have a leg to stand on. 8. Get your foor in the door, but never put it in it. 9. Even when times get tough, never throw your hand in.
Well, Ted, as soon as I put the above tips into practice I met, what I can only describe as, my other half. I have never been happier, and at last I feel like a complete person. Of course, sometimes we argue over the best bits of this wonderful book!!! My significant other found the chapter called How to Achieve the Perfect Body to be a great help in their own personal quest for perfection and recommends the following tips: 1. Keep your nose clean and to the grindstone. 2. Keep your ear to the ground. 3. Keep an eye out. 4. Keep your mouth shut. 5. Keep your head above water.
These tips never quite worked for me, Ted, but then again, they do say that opposites attract!
Signed: George (formally known as the Headless Horseman)
Well there ye have it fokes - certainly a case of a old sock meeten a old shoe, and all because a Albear's grate new book ta boot.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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 Grate review Ted, you have no peer among bear raconteurs! Now stay out of Slashers Bar and follow every salient pint Albear Camoo has made in his soon-to-be-grate book. Except one. Please promise us that you'll never, never, heed Camoo's advice number 4. Keep your mouth shut. Without your careful explaining Ted, some folks here might think that Goldilocks was as sweet and innocent as was ( may hallowed be his name) Saint Patrick. Besides, you make us laugh and laugh and laugh.
Last edited by themilum; 10/24/2007 3:39 AM.
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Thanks Ted , after I've stopped laughing (may take a while) I will pass on your hearty column to non AWAD reading friends and family. Specially to the ones that are being harassed by undeserving types of managers of all kinds.With the support of Camoo's book they we be able to trade places in no time,I trust, or find the courage to take the giant leap to insecurity and start a deserving little business of their own. Glad to see you all made it through the lousy summer.
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Howye fokes! How is things?
Browsen thru me Tedasaurus - the ancient booka Teds what I inherited from me wordy fourbears - I came across a very interesten account on Young Ted the Scientist what is renound fer finally solven the mind bogglen riddle a the chicken and the egg.
Ya see, he lived back duren the Age a Enlightenmint when alla the grate minds a the day spent their time sitten around inventen things and discussen the Grate Questions what was befuddlen everyone at the time. And every year they held a big huge compitition ta see who had the best mind a them all.
Anyways, one year Young Ted entered his invention a the instant camera and was laffed and jeered outta it by his peers at such a stupid idea – it’s reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile at the absurd notion a such a thing, especially when she herd that there wasn’t even a phone attatched ta it.
Well, after that me wordy forebear, what was by now totally bankrupt, spent his days tryen ta regain his losses by gamblen, boozen and general carrousen. And one day whilst returnen home, he happened upon a grate debate what was happenen in the village square. Alla the grate minds were there goen hammer and tongs, hell fer leather and fire and brimstone arguenen over which came first – The Chicken or The Egg. And there was a big huge prize fer the person what could prove the right answer, ta boot.
So up steps Young Ted and announces that neither The Chicken or the Egg came first – but in fact it was a ded heat between them. Well, ya can imagine the boos, jeers and rotten tomatas what assaulted the poor little bear at maken such a totally ludacris statemint. But then didn’t the little fella produce a photysnap showen a photy finish from the 3.30 at races The Curragh, where nose-ta-nose, The Chicken and The Egg finished at exactly the same pint in the race.
And as there was no arguen with that hard-nosed proof fer sure, Young Ted won the big huge prize and happily lived out the resta his days doen what he did best – gamblen, boozen and general carrousen. By the way, a hoss called The Lame Duck came third.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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Always good to hear from you GT. You don't come around near often enough.
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it’s reported that Mona Lisa herself even nearly broke inta a smile ( * \/ * ) Great, Ted! There's been thousands of comments (in image and word) on the most famous of all smiles in history, but this one I had not yet met with. Second, it's good to know Young Ted used his wit to get some substancial benefits. (I knew sooner or later he'd be allright)
Last edited by BranShea; 01/23/2008 2:37 PM.
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Ah Ted, you had me going there for a minute. But then it struck me; you were, of course, speaking allegorically. Your example of a horse race between three horses named "Chicken", "Egg" and "Lame Duck" tri-actively symbolized a quintessential question, namely, "Which came first? The Chicken or the Egg, or the "Lame Duck".
You are brilliant. In your compendium the so-called "chicken" is within its own self a representation of the so-called "egg"... inasmuch as both are good to eat.
And as for the so-called "Lame Duck" it is, in fact, a "Lame Duck". Gallant Ted included a lame duck to remind us to be kind to our web footed friends; because the duck might be somebody's brother, who lives all alone in the swamp, where it's cold and damp.
You may think that this is the end...well it ain't.
I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.
Last edited by themilum; 01/26/2008 3:05 PM.
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I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.
Sure. Blame it on a poor defenceless Teddy.
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I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.
Sure. Blame it on a poor defenceless Teddy. And you, Faldage, are my role model and my hero. 
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I want to add that I am what I am today because of the inchoate yet inaesthetic stories of the inestimable Gallant Ted.
Sure. Blame it on a poor defenceless Teddy. And you, Faldage, are my role model and my hero. Sure. Blame it on a poor defenseless Fool.
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Howye fokes! How is things? I’m not codden ya but with alla the fierce bad weather and everythin, it’s fierce hard fer ta know what season it is fer sure. But lookily, us Teds don’t need ta be relyen on the elemints fer ta deduct what time a the year it is cos, once them frisky little lambs gambol their way inta Slasher’s jint, we know that spring has finally sprung and alla that sorta stuff. And I’ll tell ya, them little balls a wool just love their bitta gambollen – they gambol on the horses, they gambol on the cards, they gambol on the football, they gambol on the next song ta be played outta the juke-box. But their most favourite thing ta be gambollen on is the dogs. They usually sit over by the window, with one pinta ribina between them – and 7 straws ta boot - and carefully study the form a the dogs outside on the street. And then after much consideration and after taken a few slurps a the communal ribina the gambollen will start. “Betcha that cur by the lamp post is a bitch,” one will say ta the other. “Betcha she’s not.” “Betcha he’s a out-and-out sheep worrier,” another will say. “Betcha she’s not.” “Betcha yer too chicken fer ta go out and find out wether she is or he isn’t.” “Betcha I’m not.” Anyways, this was the exact scenario the other day and MadDogTed evintually had ta go over ta see if he could settle the bet and shut them up cos their incessant bleeten was getten too much fer his sinsitive little ears. And fer a small fee he offered fer ta go out and find out if the sed dog was or wasn’t a sheep worrier. So out he went and after haven a few words with the dog he came back in with the result. “ He’s a sheep worrier fer sure,” sed MadDogTed. “How do ya know?” sed the lambs. “Cos he told me ta tell ye that a huge consignment a mint sauce had just been delivered ta the local butchers.” Well, the little sheep were fierce worried at that fer sure and ordered 7 pints a ribina and rum fer ta help ferget their troubles. I suppose it were a case a “dinner all right” fer sure. Be seein ya GallantTed http://www.mayoecho.com/online_edition.htm
Last edited by GallantTed; 04/27/2008 10:35 PM.
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Ah, Ted. Good to see you again. And I'm glad to know what kind of gamboling those lambs really do. I had some cockamamie notion that it was something else entirely. Thanks for setting me straight.
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Where's olly? He should be an expert on this.
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Where's olly? He should be an expert on this. After ewe!
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Slasher's pastoral suite?
Oh,my! The poor lambs marinated in ribina and rum and topped off with a mint sauce.
Fun to see the Echo pages;(26)! the 30 minutes crosswords will take me 30 days, I'm afraid.
EDIT: The Echo version is a good laugh too.
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Thanks for the link Ted.
It is indeed good to see ewe, as ever.
As I remember, my dear old Ma loved the mint sauce .
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Howye Gallant Ted? I've come to know through ISI, (Internet Secret Intelligence) that Ted has been taken hostage to a so far unknown foreign country after he ventured in the dangerous quarters of public policies. I certainly hope that soon he'll be at least reconnected to his faithful little pals back home. Wish you strength , hope and a good outcome.
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Howye fokes! How is things? Friday the 13th began with MadDogTed looken everywhere fer his looky horse-shoe cos it was the nighta the annual Big Huge Poker Tournamint where Mr Slasher always puts up a grate secret prize fer the winner. Anyways, then MadDogTed spotted a horse outa the winda beyont in the field and decided ta go down fer ta see if it'd loan him one or two of his horsey shoes fer the night.
Before the tournamint there was no signa MadDogTed cept fer his looky silver bucket what he usually up-turns ta sit on during these grate occasions. This time he was taken no chances cos it was filled up with looky 4-leaved clovers. Then, there was a big huge cuffuffal and in comes MadDogTed riden the horse and clutchen on ta a looky black cat, just ta be sure ta be sure.
Well, the horse was a biteen nervis and was leaven a awfull mess on the floor but MadDogTed sed where's there's muck there's look, and was just about ta sit down fer ta playa bitta poker when the looky black cat nocked over the looky bucket and then the horse spotted the looky clover and ate it all and MadDogTed couldn't stop him cos he kept slippen on the looky muck. Then the horse started feelen looky and decided ta get in on the gamblen and was delt a royal flush and eventually ended up winnen the tournamint. No dout poor MadDogTeddy would've been hart-broke at the news if he was conscious, but at some pint he'd split his hed on one of the horse's looky shoes and was out ded cold fer the count.
But the thing is, the horse was actually the secret prize up fer grabs so he ended up winnin himself which, a course, is against the rules fer sure and the hole thing had ta be cancelled til next week. Whatsmore, when MadDogTed split his hed open the tempory steel-plate - what was put in there after a previous Friday 13th fiasco - fell out and what with the health cut-backs and everythin, it transpired ta be his original missen looky horse-shoe. Upon hearen all this grate news when he eventually recovered, all me little pal could say, "Is Friday 13th me looky day or what?"
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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 Thanks GallantTed! That's generous. Cheering up my unlucky Friday 13th even though I read it Saturday 14th. I'm glad to see little MDTed kept his (new?) outfit in one piece through the turmoil.
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stranger
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bear dranshea
hows tings
luv mabbogtebby X
bear falbage
wot do u f n mean wot
wots wit da f n wot
wot do u tink i am
a ph n phlossiphur
teb o plato or is tottle
or sum1 like dat
if ur dat f n worryed
or hi fill ooten
ask aldear camoo
wots f n wot
b f n c n u l8r g8r
mabbogtebby X
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>wot
proving once again, quod cito acquiritur cito perit.
-ron o.
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Things are just so, mabbogtebby. Be well and don't let yourself be intimidated. That was just post-Celtic slang for
[that] which is quickly acquired [is] quickly lost.
And vice versa.
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@ MadDog.
GT said you said, "Is Friday 13th me looky day or what?" I was just guessing the answer was "What?"
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nuff sed so
gteb sed 4 me 2 pologise 4 me out bust
no offince ment
nstead ill take me anger out on dat f n hoss
when i f n finb him & me
missen ducket a looky clover
b f n c n u l8r
mabbogtebby X
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You're always welcome here, MadDog.
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You're always welcome here, MadDog. Agree, and one day I will crack the infamous Mabogtabby Code.
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If you do give me a clue to the code, please.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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It isn't worth bothering about.
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bear luke & branshea
theres no cobe 4 2 work out
if u do b riten da txt mesages
on ur mobile fone
den u shud b haff ways 2
unberstanden me
its shorthand u c
if u hav any more 2 ask let me gnow
cos me pals gteb & aldear camoo
sed dey wud help me anser ur querys
b f n c n u l8r g8r
luv mabbogtebby X
bear jakie
ur a feerce brave woman al2gether 4 sure
not even dat gallopen trollop golbilocks
wud speek bout me like dat
n dat tone a vice
i cud send da boys round 4 2 nail ur gnees
2 da door cept i like u 2 much
cos i tink we hav so much n common
u c i dont tink ur worth botheren bout neither
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I guess it's not worth bothering about.
I don't have the time nor wherewithall to attempt
translation, sorry. But I do appreciate your taking the
time to mention me personally.
I believe you are saying something about texting on
mobile phones. I don't believe in texting, never have,
never will. If I want to talk to someone I will call them
and talk voice to voice, nothing of the modern fadism of
lol and all that junk. I am a person-to-person person, no
jive lingo.
Last edited by LukeJavan8; 01/31/2010 1:00 AM. Reason: typo
----please, draw me a sheep----
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(Psst. The thing is he sometimes mixes up his d's and b's)
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I normally try to avoid text speak while texting but mabbogtebby turns it into an art form. I have been reading this thread with great interest - backwards. I have reached the looky hoss story. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Looking 4ward to reading the rest. Hi mabbogtebby and gallant ted. B f n n bcn u l8r leg8r.
Last edited by Avy; 01/31/2010 9:15 AM. Reason: Text speak newbie wrote it all wrong!
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Thanks for your more than kind answer, mabbogtebby. Your warder must be giving you good guideance.
Thanks to Avy's "bcn u l8r leg8r." I understand some more of MBT 's poetry. ( never got far beyond the b = d thing.)
It 's a bit like in the 1 -2 snowed in thread.
@Avy, nice little tinker man. (I think)
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Gallent ted's writing is also poetry. Love the rhythm in the lines.
I also thought it's just like the snowed in game. As much fun.
Tinker man or Saucepan man. Thanks.
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Greetings Comrades Albear Camoo here, your everyday-being-in-the-wordy-world teddy bear. I’m great friends with GallantTed and MadDogTed. As GallantTed is out of town on business at the moment I had to take it upon myself to come in here and explain MadDogTed’s approach to writing. I hope you all appreciate that this is taking a great effort on my part as I am very shy and reserved. But needs must, so here goes. But before I start, I’d like to point out that contrary to some opinion I’m very much as funny as GallantTed. Indeed, some say I am even funnier and it’s oftentimes I had them in stitches in Slasher’s Bar and Grill with my jokes and anecdotes. But enough about me. This is about MadDogTed who is really shocked that people can't read his musings. You see, MDTed - and GallantTed for that matter - were not lucky enough to receive a proper formal education like me. MadDog Ted is self-taught. He learned his trade mainly from texting to his friends on his mobile phone. He genuinely thinks that this is the proper way to write. Standardisation means nothing to him – it’s really a case of making it up as you go along. Don’t use punctuation, spell words as they sound and use shorthand (or shortpaw as us Teds would say),(you see, I told you I was as funny as GTed,(ha, ha, ha, or lol, lol, lol (laugh out loud) as the young texters would say). Because he is a self-taught, he never quite got to grips with the proper use b’s and d’s. This is common with many youngsters learning to write and he is in no way making fun of people who are dyslexic – a condition which goes far, far beyond the confusion of just two letters and something which we Teds would never poke fun at. Being a little uncouth and not refined like me, MadDogTed often uses some bad language in his writing. After all, not only is he a teddy bear but he’s an Irish teddy bear to boot. So b f n c n u l8r g8r means: be (f n) seeing you l(eight)er g(eight)er. Fn is sort of a swear word so I’ll leave that one to the less faint-hearted of you. Finally his signature - mabbogtebby X. The X is not a kiss but the way he signed his name before he learned to write. His still gets his b’s and d’s mixed up in his name and by now has a block about it so that’s the way it will stay. Remember that this poor teddy bear has spent most of his life going in and out of the Borstal for Bold Bears. I do hope this sets the record straight - or str8 as MadDogTed would say. (Ha, ha, ha, I’m on a roll now for sure – beat that GallantTed). Thanks to all those who supported the Teds over the years. If you want to see my picture please use the link. Of course, contrary to opinion I’m the really handsome one. All the best – be seeing you later alligator Albear Camoo http://www.harrisonbear.co.uk/friends/index.htm
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Good to finally meet you, Albear. Please, don't be a stranger. Any friend of Gallant Ted and MadDog is always welcome here.
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