Never heard of snow snakes, but snow sharks were a real problem in Colorado. According to local lore, snow sharks would attack middle-aged males who were in the process of shoveling snow, causing muscle strains, backaches, and occasional heart attacks. They do not, however, attack females; no one knows why, but for this reason only women should shovel snow.

The absolute best defense against snow sharks is to turn on a football game on the television; the noise drives them away immediately. And, just in case there are any deaf ones around, the male who wishes to make certain there are no snow sharks near him should open up a beer and put some nacho chips out on the coffee table. Snow sharks HATE beer and nacho chips.

TEd