A rare and precious ancient Ogham stone was put on public display in Cardiff last year. It had become the focus of furious public debate about the patterns of conquest, settlement and language in Welsh history. The most fiercely contested claims were made by a group of Serbians who advanced the argument that Welsh actually derived from the tongue spoken by Prince Vlastimir’s early ancestors. When interviewed about the exhibition, the exhibition’s curator was asked “Aren’t you worried about the threats to kidnap this wonderful artefact published yesterday by the Sons of Nikola?” “No,” said the curator – “look, they’re just a bunch of over-excitable Serbs, and we have sophisticated electromagnetic anchors holding the stone in place, as well as a guard standing over it at all times.”
But Meibion Hnkojian were resourceful as only fanatics tend to be. They researched the guards’ backgrounds and found that one was fond of nipping out to the pub for a swift drink and a joke just before closing time. So they waylaid him one night, plied him with drinks and told him endless series of funny stories, as he shamefacedly admitted later, about why ducks crossed the road, why blond ducks were stupid, and why you should never go out with a duck on one shoulder. The stories apparently seemed so hilarious at the time that he lost sight of the fact that his post was deserted for almost three hours. It was during this interlude that the Serbs crept into the museum, disabled the electromagnets by discharging their current, and spirited the stone way into the starry night.
It has still not been recovered. The Western Mail went w-i-d-e with a headline the next day:
LEAST STALE TEALS TALES LETS A TESLA STEAL SLATE STELA!
