Interesting angle, Jackie.

If a person is so lacking in self-esteem that they feel they deserve the abuse, would they feel "despair"? Probably they would just try harder to please the abuser.

A lot of women in these relationships don't try to escape. They don't even want to escape. They may be "in despair", but they are not despairing.

They may even think they are happy. That's the illness.