Callithump:

We are always happy to help out anyone, like yourself, who is trying to improve their english communications.

You start off your letter thanking some company [presumably a company outside of China which speaks english only] for "sending the relevant certificates and materials". We need to know what these "certificates" and "materials" are, and why WILLIS University is acquiring them from this company outside of China.

Reading through your entire letter, it sounds like the non-Chinese company [to which you are writing] plans to use a Chinese company by the name of HILL [presumably the company you represent] to promote its "General Management Performance" courses in China. I assume these "General Management Performance" courses, a basic course and a "general level course", are to be offered at WILLIS University in China.

It sounds like HILL is a Chinese facilitator and consultant, not a partner, which will act as an intermediary with Chinese authorities and regulators and media to assist in building the brand for the non-Chinese company's "certificates and materials" in China on behalf of the non-Chinese company's partner, WILLIS University.

Have I got it right, Callithump? If so, I can offer some suggestions to improve the clarity of your communication.

By the way, I as assume "CAD" is a reference to Canadian dollars so I assume the company to which you are writing is a Canadian company.

I also assume that "the relevant certificates and materials" WILLIS University is acquiring from this Canadian company actually refers to a Business Management Course which the Canadian company will license WILLIS University to offer and deliver to students at WILLIS University in China.

The "Certificates" mentioned in your letter, then, would be Certificates recognizing successful completion of the two-level Business Management Course the Canadian company is offering. I am not certain about this, however, because your letter indicates that "the general level" General Management Performance course is already recognized by authorities in China.

If the "General Management Performance course" is already recognized in China, why does WILLIS University need to acquire "the certificates and materials" from this Canadian company? And why is WILLIS University adding a CAD 15 charge to the "manufacture cost" of the Certificates. [Is it possible the Canadian company is only "printing" the Certificates? If so, why don't you print them in China?]

What's so special about the "certificates and materials" the Canadian company is supplying? We need to understand this so we can help you improve the clarity of your letter to the Canadian company. [At least, I think this is a letter to the Canadian company. We need to be sure about that too in order to help you.]

By the way, you can call me "Carp" for short. May I call you "Calli"? I bow to you in return.

P.S. HILL is an english name so I assume the company you work for is an english company established in China. I also assume that your boss, who is unsatisfied with your letter, is an englishman or someone who speaks fluent english.

I offer one respectful word of preliminary advice, Callithump:

If you are writing this letter on behalf of HILL, to impress your boss you will want to make it very clear what benefits HILL is offering to the Canadian company to which you are writing.

If I have it right, HILL is selling its services as an intermediary to this Canadian company and your letter is a reflection of the quality of HILL's services.

Why should the Canadian company be using HILL's services and not some other intermediary's services?

Maybe you need to come right out and explain to the Canadian company [an existing client or only a prospect?] what distinctive benefits HILL offers to its clients.

We don't know how long HILL has been in business in China, what business it specializes in, or what prominent or respected non-Chinese corporate clients it already represents in China.

If this is a letter to a prospect, not to an existing client, your prospect will need to know all of this if you are to win the prospect's business.