I was required to write an English Letter according to what's meant in Chinese. I wrote the following letter, but the recipient said it unsatisfactory. I also think that it sounds a little awkward, but I don't know where I should revise. Could anybody can help rewrite it on basis of the following letter?

Thanks very much!

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Thanks for your company sending the relevant certificates and materials. As to the problem about the certificate and the earlier stage expense, our suggestions are as follows:
I. About The Certificate Charge
Suggestions:
Certificate manufacture cost (delivery included) --------------- CAD25
WILLIS University charge --------------- CAD15
MOLSS(Ministry of Labor and Social Security) charge --------------- CAD10
HILL charge --------------- CAD10
Total: CAD60, about RMB600 per certificate
II. About The Certificate Promotion Steps
1. Provide detailed introduction of WILLIS University and the certificate to be issued by the university.
2. HILL will submit the relevant materials to the evaluation by the concerned authority body in MOLSS.
3. After passing evaluation, HILL will bind the certificate of WILLIS University together with General Management Performance certificate, and promote among all the current and prospective students. WILLIS University will provide HILL with two levels of certificate, corresponding to the basic level and the general level of General Management Performance respectively. Currently 100,000 students in China are learning the General Management Performance courses.
III. Problem Of Earlier Stage Expense
HILL recognizes that there exist the several expenses mentioned in the action plan by your side. If HILL carries out this program, however, translation fee (translate the introduction to the involved courses into English for your assessment), MOLSS evaluation fee (submit your certificate to the evaluation by the concerned authority body in MOLSS) and project operation fee will occur as well. Besides, General Management Performance certificate also carries formal credit within China in well-known universities such as Tsinghua University, China Central Radio and TV University, Shandong University and it brings about no such kind of fees. So, HILL suggests that your side finance such expenses as evaluation fee, application fee, authorization fee, project operation fee, and HILL finance translation fee, MOLSS evaluation fee as well as project operation fee. Both sides achieve income mainly from the popularization of the certificate.


I’m learning English. If u find anywhere I can improve my composition, Pls do let me know. Bow.

Do inform me if you see any corrections needed in my written English.