the most obvious one of several
I only unearthed two, TEd Rem. Otherwise I would have called it a triple.
Hey, I just thought of something. Where's the cave in "excavation"? An "excavation" is just a big hole, unless there's a cave-in.
People are attracted to big holes. Have you noticed that? They're always hoarding them.
And they put peep holes in these hoards. So people can look through the peep holes into a hole. Where's the sense in that, TEd Rem?
They say some people are always looking for dirt. Well, maybe that's true. But most folks just want to know where the dirt went.
Everyone's heard about the law of conservation of mass. But what about the law of conservation of dirt? You can dig dirt up, but it never disappears. It just keeps circulating. That's the thing about dirt. Even if you can't see it, it's still a dirty secret.
Here's something else. Even when you're spotless, there's always someone trying to get the dirt on you. And that's another thing about dirt. It seems to multiply. Maybe they should call it the law of multiplication of dirt.
Now you know what pedologists do in their spare time, TEd Rem. Let's face it. If you study dirt for a living, sooner or later some of it is going to rub off on you.
Everyone's interested in dirt - even if they don't want any of it on them personally. It's time we came clean about that, TEd Rem. You were a teacher once, weren't you? Maybe you still are. If I were a teacher, I would bring dirt into the classroom. I would add it and subtract it and then watch it multiply.
If you ask me, there is more dirt piling up than there are holes to fill it with. I don't know why anyone is worried about erosion. The only thing that is eroding is our values. And that's because we've got too much dirt, not too little.
You know, TEd Rem. Some things never change. Everyone's always talking about erosion, but the dirt keeps piling up. If people were really interested in getting rid of dirt, they would just sweep it under the carpet. That's what I do with it. But, hell, what's the point really? Even if you sweep it under the carpet, someone's always bringing more out of the closet.
You can always tell when someone is about to dump a load of dirt. "I've got the skinny" on so and so, they say. That's a dead give-away. But I could never figure out why dirt is "skinny". If anything, you would think dirt would be fat. Why not say "I've got the fat" on so and so? People are always trying to lose weight. If you want to spread dirt on someone, you should spread "the fat" on them, not "the skinny". You can be sure it's going to get their goat a heck of a lot more.
Which makes me wonder. Why would anyone want to get someone else's goat? Where would you keep it even if you got it? What do goats eat anyway? You can get them to mow your lawn, but they won't eat dirt. And that's another thing about dirt. You can never get rid of it. So why dig it up in the first place?
It doesn't make a hole lot of sense to me, TEd Rem. That's the hole load on dirt when you really get to the bottom of it. You may disagree with me. You may say there's no bottom, but really there's no top. And that's why no-one can ever get on top of the problem. That's if you think dirt's a problem. Personally, I'm not so sure. Dirt is just a fact of life. So why can't we learn to live with it?
