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Carpal Tunnel
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There is the mad hatter, the march hare and me
Noteable crazy, in a way, are all three.
When with mad fever i burn
it's to limericks i turn
making merry with rhymes of two and three!
Distempered, so clearly in mind
Logic; still plainly you'll find.
In WordPlay and Fun
My fever will run
Elsewhere here, to a halt, it will grind!
It's tedious when crazy i go
Only sympathy i hope you will show.
i trust you'll be kind,
as i act the behind
and for yourself, to give a limerick a go!
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Few could keep up with your pace
So I'm relieved it isn't a race
A little bosh
Is just the nosh
It takes so all can save face.
Great idea, Of Troy.
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Carpal Tunnel
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i have a theory, that is for sure
about my madness; it's cause and it's cure
my snyopes explode
as my blood calcium load
become more than they can endure
in neuro-chemisty i hardly excell
but this reaction i know quite well
Its odd to chose
My mind to lose,
Or to let my bones go to hell!
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Your "synopes" are all ablaze
It leaves me in such a daze
To stay abreast
Would take more than my best
Don't slow down for me, just "Amaze!".
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Carpal Tunnel
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There was a young man from San Fran, [8]
Whose limericks just would not scan. [8]
When told this was so, [5]
He said, 'yes, I know; [5]
'But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.' [8x3]
(not real original, but apt)
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There was a young man from San Fran, [8]
Whose limericks just would not scan. [8]
When told this was so, [5]
He said, 'yes, I know; [5]
But I'm doing the best that I can'. :)
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Have you noticed how very demanding
Are critics so reprimanding
It makes me cry
To give it a try
While others are simply bystanding. :)
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Carpal Tunnel
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The key to a limerick’s heart:
Good rhythm and rhyme, for a start!
To raise it to art?
Relax, you old tart,
Or else we just won’t give a fart!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Are you part of the imperial WE?
Giving orders about what is to be?
I missed the chance
To look askance,
And must be content just to be me.
Victoria Rex, at her imperial best
Ruled an empire spanning east and west.
“WE are not amused.”
she’s accused
of uttering, in response to a jest.
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Carpal Tunnel
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A A b b A to start
Rhyme is one crucial part
leavened a bit
with meter and wit
Total, better than any one part!
If the meter or rhyming is lame
Its clear the author's to blame
gringing an ax
or perceiving attacks
Shows you're not up for the game.
At a glance its simple to see
How to do it; what it must be
put pen to paper,
join in the caper
fun, wit, and a bit of repartee!
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Fun, wit, and, yes, repartee
I could not agree more with thee
Let's get with the program
And deep six the pogrom
So only our best Strangers see.
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Carpal Tunnel
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On TV tonight I learned about errant A
The news: great new vowel shift is away
The new black is said block
So I should not mock
When in rhyme, gram and grom together do play
Still, It sounds all wrong to my ear.
Unnatural, awkward and queer.
poetry ? or rot?
A rhyme is not
Something to force, I think clear!
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May rhyme and reason excel
And wit in the stories we tell
Let no-one squint
For linguistic lint
And may peace rain o'er us as well.
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Moses and the Ten Commandments and the Nitpickers Moses said... "Written in stone, not written in sands
Bide you Ten Laws of Yahweh's good plans." The Nitpickers said... "Yahweh is smart,
But it ain't art.
Art is only art when it scans!" 
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Let's have a limerick for bosh
A dollop is only a nosh
If you say something wise
We will scrunch up our eyes
And your wit will end up kibosh.
Thanks to Dr. Bill for inspiring 'fix' for this limerix. :) ["tush" did not work with "bosh", hence "kibosh" which Dr. Bill came up with in "AWAD" thread.]
And why not a limerick for nark
An informer who creeps in the dark
You won't see him working
'Cause he's always lurking
Where his bite is worse than his bark.
And spookum would make a good limerick
But it ought to be clever, not chic
'Cause spookum is sage
And all of the rage
Like shopping the Net with a click.
And let's not forget chaparral
I have fallen under its spell
A cowboy rides
Like an eagle glides
Through a country where I wish to dwell.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Unappreciated day in and day out
Unappreciated, I want to shout!
Hardly any replies,
What’s wrong with you guys?
You’d think as a Carpel, I had more clout!
Well, avoid me, if that’s what you will
And unappreciated, I remain still
I’m having a ball
Even if you all
At one limerick had your fill!
Are you up to the challenge, I ask?
Or is it too arduous a task
Post one or two
It’s something to do
Who’s creativity can we unmask?
Its obvious, I don’t really rate.
Your love or your envy or hate
No comments, no posts
No editors notes
Ah, to be unloved, is my fate!
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It isn't for love or for hate
Or even indifference, I state
That no-one is batting
While you are rat-tatting
Homeruns 'fore we reach the plate.
Amended with useful advice from Etaoin & Of Troy.
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Carpal Tunnel
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formerly known as etaoin...
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Carpal Tunnel
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My joke has created confusion
And left of troy with some contusion :(
My earlier allusion
Was to tsuwm – the illusion
Of rules was the point of infusion!
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batting - swatting?
Thanks, etaoin. I substituted "belting" for "swatting" which may(?) work better.
BTW "OED in Limerick Form" [www.oedilf.com] has a "Workshop" where seasoned Limerick writers provide constructive advice on defects like the one you just pointed out. The idea is to improve the quality of submissions. Sometimes the volunteers actually suggest useful changes. One guy over at OEDILF.com has 670 limericks which have been approved for posting. Awesome!
BTW I always welcome helpful specific suggestions for improvement like yours. It's harder to respond to a general criticism which applies to all of my limericks without differentiation.
Of Troy has created a great thread here.
Keep knockin' em out of the park, Of Troy. You're the Queen of Swat. [That is meant as a compliment, I hope ya know. I'm sure everyone knows that Babe Ruth, also a NY'er, was "the King of Swat".]
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Carpal Tunnel
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for some one who is always sprouting poesy(your word)
you could at least learn to rhyme.
batting and belting don't. nor do batting and swatting
or program and pogrom.
i agree my rhymes are not perfect, but if you want to improve the quality of submissions, start with charity, (to our poor ears)and remember charity begins at home!
maybe you should particapate in a workshop, and learn how to write a basic limerick.
meter is harder, (and i often fail-- with close butrarely ever perfect meter.) but get a clue!
Mav gave one set of directions, i gave another, (i have several more, from previous threads of limericks, (were i also dominated and posted on average, a 3:1 (of all other posters combined!))
but then i do like them.. (i have a complete collection of edward lears, and other..)and i don't see this a a competion. I don't join in hogwash (i don't really understand how it's played.. (and i have read the directions twice..) and i never can understand when its over, 1) what the correct defination is, and 2) why there are points.. (the points are about as useful as a tit on a bull) but I am, if not alone, a definate minority..
here in limerick land, i am in the minortiy too.. it doesn't really bother me (the laments about being hated and ignored are just for fun) and i know, eventually almost everyone will end up posting a limerick.
it's not a competition. there are no points for quantity, (but quality is always going to be judged--even if nothing is said!) its WRODPLAY AND FUN.
If you think its a competition, go right ahead and try to keep up with me.. (i don't care if you post a gazzillion.) if if they are all as poorly formed as most (if not most then a large part)of the ones you've posted, well its no competition..
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Carpal Tunnel
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In times that are now long past,
With limericks, we all had a blast
Starting was slow
In the end tho,
The collection of them was quite vast!
At first they were really quite chaste
(As if we were all rather straight-laced)
First a blush
And then a gush
Of ribald ones appeared, post haste!
Now remember, this site is rated G
For children and others to see
The best case
For this place
Is one that has children asking “explain it to me?”
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Carpal Tunnel
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well, I am one who has whinged about scansion (read: meter). should you brave Chris Strollin's world (OEDILF) you will encounter very strict requirements for meter. not even passing the rather basic gate of having equal numbers of syllables within the aabba pattern will suffice there (da-da-DUM). http://www-b.oedilf.com/db/Lim.php?View=Meterhaving read some fine examples of the art by the likes of Nash and Asimov, and having tried my hand at it and discovered the effort needed to approach something I'd want to make public... here's something by Ogden Nash: There once was a miser named Clarence Who Simonized both of his parents; "The initial expense," he remarked, "is immense, But it saves on the wearance and tearance." --- you may want to complain about the syllabification, but this is one of the tricky things. try saying it aloud: there-ONCE-was a-MIS-er nam'd-CLAR-encewho-SIM-on iz'd-BOTH-of his-PAR-ents;"[the]* i-NI-tial ex-PENSE-,"he re-MARK'd-, "is im-MENSE-,but it-SAVES-on the-WEAR-ance and-TEAR-ance" *acting, I gather, rather like a pickup note
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ok, it ain't perfect, but.
edit still working on it...
tis a lim'rick that often displays it,
and I find that they're usua'lly my fave'rit,
just a wee anacrusis,
and a bit of huh, who's this?
and you'll see where the pickup words do fit!
formerly known as etaoin...
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If you think its a competition, go right ahead and try to keep up with me ...if if they are all as poorly formed as most (if not most then a large part) of the ones you've posted, well its no competition..
How gracious of you to say so, Of Troy.
P.S. I took your advice.
"belting" doesn't work any better than "swatting". So I substituted "rat-tatting". Hope you like it. Thanks for advice.
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Pooh-Bah
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There on the screen all shimmerous
a thread had gone all limerous.
I thought I'd join in
but my rhymes are a sin
so now I type all timorous.
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I’m told monkeys and typewriters might
Create limericks rather than fight ~
For the love of sweet ‘fike’,
This one’s just for you, Mike:
I’ve worked specially hard but it’s still not quite right! ;)
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journeyman
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I'm sorry I haven't been here.
It seems like it's been a full year!
Some things take priority -
In truth the majority -
But I'm back, as it doth appear.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Two gentlemen wrote jolly limericks
From dusk on to dawn. Both were quite slick
With the right count and rhyme
That their sharp minds could find.
They cheered and they drank till straight-out sick.
*Note: 'rhyme' and 'find' aren't rhymes, but an instance of assonance, in which the vowel sounds are the same...an off-rhyme that I hope won't be too offensive here. Also, as indicated in tsuwm's link, I took the cue to use 'limerick,' technically three syllables, knowing that the astute readers of limericks here would allow 'lim-rick' to sound in their colossal brains. And what indulgences would be complete without that friendly line picker-upper, the anacrusis. Also, the last line twists my tongue.
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The action is picking up fast,
A fad, how long can is last?
As we pick up the pace,
Can we find us an ace,
Who’s efforts will leave aghast?
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Carpal Tunnel
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There once was a racer named Petty,
the racetrack's unleashed bouncing betty.
He quipped to the fleet,
"When you cheat, cheat neat,
Or the racing officials will hit you with a fine that'll make your head swim and your youngun's go barefoot through five Daytonas."
(Sorry, of troy. The devil made me do it.)
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journeyman
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In reply to:
The action is picking up fast,
A fad, how long can is last?
As we pick up the pace,
Can we find us an ace,
Who’s efforts will leave aghast?
I believe that you meant the word 'whose';
In English I seldom do snooze -
Don't mean to critique,
It's rhyming I seek -
Just needed a topic to choose!
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In reply to... The action is picking up fast,
A fad, how long can is last?
As we pick up the pace,
Can we find us an ace,
Who’s efforts will leave aghast?_________________________________________ of troy. I believe that you meant the word 'whose';
In English I seldom do snooze -
Don't mean to critique,
It's rhyming I seek -
Just needed a topic to choose!________________________________________ aniami Seldom? Then sometimes you snooze.
Could be your problem is booze.
Oh yes you amuse,
"Who's" is not "whose",
But where is the "us" in aghast?__________________________________________milum ____  ____
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journeyman
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To themilum, in third person rather than second for the sake of rhyme.
To my poem he may be nonplussed;
His retort was quite true and quite just.
But I'd like to show 'im
That quite like this poem,
Aghast with "u-s" is... august!
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Carpal Tunnel
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My face it is covered with egg
A pardon I must humble beg
Not one error, but TWO
What’s a gal to do?
When rightfuly taken down a peg?
It's in the kitchen you'll me spy
with Flour, and lard and *Spry
a filling to make
innerards to bake
Dinner tonigh? First course, humble pie!
Spry is a brand of vegetabel shorting, like crisco
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journeyman
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Hang on, friends, there's more! Errors, yes errors galore! "Is" isn't "it", Which is as you have writ - Errors summed: one less than four! Meter's a little off but it's salvageable. 
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Carpal Tunnel
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You might as well beat a dead horse
spelling errors are a matter of course
Better they are read
Not ignored, instead
(in trure, such errors create no remorse)
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Take skookum, nark and bosh
Throw 'em all in a bowl with a nosh
Of fluttery peri.
"You'll love it, my dearie!"
Now that is a salad tosh.
"peri", today's Word of the Day, is pronounced PEER-ee. 1. A fairy in Persian mythology [per Anu]
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Carpal Tunnel
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"peri", today's Word of the Day, is pronounced PEER-ee.he said with a little winkle. 
formerly known as etaoin...
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journeyman
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You all are indeed quite prolific,
In fact I might dare say terrific.
Why must we waste time
To bicker 'bout rhyme?
Must we always be so scientific?
8-)
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