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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 279
enthusiast
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OP
enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 279 |
Howye fokes! Do ye remember this from a few years back? Taught I'd give everyone a bita of a Christmas treet fer themselves!
Christmas 2001
WARNING - GENWINE STREIFF BEAR ON THE LOOSE
Howye Fokes! How is things? Haven't been around fer a while. Ya see, I gots a job writen articals on drains and gargoyles and that sorta thing. Imagine me worken fer the Gutter Press - me Mammy is really proud.
Listen, on a more seroius note, did ye know that Santy is short of teddies this year? Well, ye do now!
After a tip off from Goldilocks didn't he orgenise a big huge raid on Slasher's - me local bar - ta round up all the teddies. I'll tell ya, the fight what enscewed was only terrable and ya can take it from Ted that that Rudolf fella won't be the only raindeer with a red nose this Christmas.
Anyways, lookily most of us managed ta escape but me pal MadDogTed is still missen. So I thought with it been Christmas and all that I better give ye all a fear warnen.
If MadDogTed ends up in yer Christmas stocken send him straight back ta Slashers Bar - IMMEDIATELY. He's a rear genwine Streiff bear and he's not very domistikated, ya see. Don't try ta hug him. Don't put a silly bow on him. Don't call him MadDogTed ta his face and whatever ya do - DON'T take him ta bed with ya. Not if ya have any shame, that is.
Don't be fooled by his cute looks either (he's not half as cute as Ted, of course). Them close-set eyes are a ded give away but if yer still in doubt check his left ear fer a button earing in the shape of a half eaten S. If yer still not sure, look fer the "Made in Haste" label on his back. And if yer a bit thick and still haven't copped on, check that ya still have all yer fingers and that yer wallet is still where ya left it.
So ye have been warned - if ya get him from Santy send him back ta Slasher's with a few bottles of rum fer me troubles. I'll tell ye, me nerves are faught with the worry.
A Happy Christmas ta ye now.
Be seein ya
GallantTed
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,385
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,385 |
if ya get him from Santy send him back ta Slasher's with a few bottles of rum fer me troubles
I hope you get MadDogTed back in a hurry, GallantTed, but I won't be wurried yule be short of rum.
Seems a pity Santy only visits Slashers once a year. We could use a good BLASHT FROM THE PASHT more often.
Any bear "made in haste"
Is likely to find himself faced
with more than he can bear.
But chances are good
He'll get what he should
Someone ragged as Ted is
To love him.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,529
veteran
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veteran
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,529 |
So ye have been warned - if ya get him from Santy send him back ta Slasher's with a few bottles of rum fer me troubles. I'll tell ye, me nerves are faught with the worry.In a pigs eye! Truth be known Maddog and Gallant TEd are sitting in Slasher's at this very moment drinking ill-gotten rum that has been sent by kind but gullible people from all over the world. Get a job, you errant bears. I fell for ye scheme in 2002. Fool me twice? - shame on you! "Santa stole the bear" - the oldest con game known to man!  - Milum (whose nerves are fraught by bears)
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
I'm so glad to see that you are staunch environmentalist, Ted. Recycling is an important conservation tactic.   Speaking of recycling, here's a candy cane (*sniff* * sniff* ... I'd date this one from about 1999 ...) for your stocking. Merry Christmas, Teddy.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
I hope yer knot tellin' me ee's back on the goose... are ye? I'll be havin' to be checkin' me wallet evrie strike o'clock or loopin' the chain tied to it around me belt...
... speaking of belts... I'll raise one or two in your direction, GT, for all of the fine merriment you've brought to all bears involved!
OH... and pass the time of day onto Ms. Goldilocks for me, if'n she'll have *it!
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