Dear Aurilo,

Before you can determine the best course of action to reduce the damage caused by your litter-rate moggy, you will need to understand his motivation. Is it a particular letter of the alphabet that attracts him? Or is he, for instance, interested in all six-syllable words ending in -tion?

And ask yourself this: Is the AHD4 a suitable dictionary for any reasonable purpose, anyway? Would you not, for instance, be better to donate the AHD4 to Samwise as his plaything and invest in a better dictionary - say, the Pocket Oxford - instead?

As a last resort, I suggest you pick the AHD4, up hold it over Samwise and drop the fucking thing on the little bastard's head.

- Auntie Pfranzine