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The press in the Mother Country has been having fun of late with the story of Red the Lurcher, a dog kept at the Battersea Dogs' Home who figured out how not only to open his own cage door but the cage doors of his compatriot dogs, repeatedly. In the letters to the editor of The Telegraph, a certain Mr. Hamilton Fazey of Liverpool remarked on Red's "escapalogical feats." How lovely! A new word, added to the lexicon by a Liverpudlian inspired by a cross between a greyhound and a shepherd's dog.
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A new word, added to the lexicon by a Liverpudlian inspired by a cross between a greyhound and a shepherd's dogIf that's the cross produced by a Liverpudlian, Father Steve, what cross is inspired by a Liverpoodlian? 
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escapalogical featsI think Mr. Hamilton Fazey got it wrong, Father Steve. These feats were "escapetory", not "escapalogical".
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Carpal Tunnel
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Should Mr. Hamilton Fazey learn of this disapprobation, he might cease to write letters to the editor. Quelle dommage.
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Pooh-Bah
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Not to be confused with escatology, that branch of canine philosophy concerned with the end of ... well, never mind.
/got nuthin'
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old hand
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escatology is actually a misspelling of eschatology, The branch of theology that is concerned with the end of the world or of humankind.
A belief or a doctrine concerning the ultimate or final things, such as death, the destiny of humanity, the Second Coming, or the Last Judgment.
The other parent of this bastard is scatology, where the dog's other end is concerned. Maybe the fact that both words refer to extremes has led to the mixup.
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Maybe the fact that both words refer to extremes has led to the mixupQuite true, wsieber, but the owner of this Liverpudlian pound, which is not to be confused with a British pound, is more concerned with his breeds getting mixed up in each others ends than with any mixup in the ends to which you refer -- altho a "bastard", as you duly note, is the result in either case. At Battersea Dog Home, making ends meet never results in a "bastard" -- which is what this fuss is all about. Red the Lurch is making a laughingstock of their livestock.
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Red the Lurch is making a laughingstock of their livestock. Yes, he's turning their "Dog Home" into a house of canine disrepute.
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Pooh-Bah
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escatology is actually a misspelling of eschatology,
Also known as a play on words, combining eschatology and scatology. You know a joke is lame though when it is perceived as merely a mistake. ;|
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You know a joke is lame though when it is perceived as merely a mistake. ;|That sounds like an exculpetory confession, AlexWm.
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Red the Lurch is making a laughingstock of their livestockIndeed, he's making Battersea Dog Home the butt of casual copulation.
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he's making Battersea Dog Farm the butt of casual copulationYeah. Their greyhounds could end up lookin' like Red the Lurch.
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Yeah. Their greyhounds could end up lookin' like Red the Lurch.Red the Lurch is a sire without honor in his own time.
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Red the Lurch is a sire without honor in his own time.Red the Lurch opened those cage doors with his paws, but it isn't his paws the Dog Home is worried about.
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Red the Lurch opened those cage doors with his paws, but it isn't his paws the Dog Farm is worried aboutYeah. That explains why he didn't make good his "escape".
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Yeah. That explains why he didn't make good his "escape".Red the Lurch didn't want to get loose. He just wanted to let loose. He's no mutt on the lam. He's a party animal.
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Red the Lurch didn't want to get loose. He just wanted to let looseThis isn't a "great escape". It's a "great sexcapade". Personally, I think it's a bum rap. 
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Personally, I think it's a bum rapYeah. This isn't a "feat of escapology". It's a feat of carnalcology. Give this mutt a mate and he will keep his paws out of other people's pens.
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Give this mutt a mate and he will keep his paws out of other people's pensThat's right! There are more ways than one to skin a cat ... or to pen a petophile.
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There are more ways than one to skin a cat ... or to pen a petophileRed the Lurch is just a red-blooded stud. It's a shame to keep him out of service.
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It's a shame to keep him out of serviceYeah. It's a crime against his nature.
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It's a crime against his natureBattersea Dog Home should be cited for contempt of courtship.
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Battersea Dog Home should be cited for contempt of courtshipYeah. Let Mr. Hamilton Fazely get his knickers in a knot about that.
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Yeah. Let Mr. Hamilton Fazely get his knickers in a knot about that.He should be writing to the Society Against Cruelty to Animals. Red the Lurch is entitled to conjugrel visits.
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Red the Lurch is entitled to conjugrel visitsHe's entitled to an honorary pedigree. You can tell from his breeding.
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a joke is lame though when it is perceived as merely a mistake. This is also true the other way round:
Before I posted, I checked, and the spelling "escatology" generated a lot of non-jocular Google hits.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Many many years ago I saw an advertisement for a chastity belt for dogs. The copywriter extolled the virtue (so to speak) of this item because: No one wants a son of a bitch to be a bastard!
I am NOT making this up. And to those of you who might question that statement: THHHHHHHHHHHHHHBTTTTT!
TEd
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A breeder of dogs - what a dastard!
A chastity belt for dogs mastered:
A device to ensure
That the breeds remained pure,
And no son of a bitch was a bastard.
~Author unknown
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