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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Are you suggesting Bingley indulges in purple prose?
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Joined: Mar 2000
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Welcome, CathCoy. I have no suggestion to add. But if you use one of the words suggested by the excellent brethren and sistren, will you credit the AWADtalk forum?
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Well, Anna, acknowledgements are typically made for extensive contributions, not just a single word, but, sure, I could probably find a way to work it in. :-)
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Well, either that or a % of the royalties, you choose! 
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Joined: Oct 2004
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CathCoy,
Maybe what you want to say in a single word just can’t be done adequately right now. Such a word would have to encompass the emotions one feels when thinking of such a person, as well as the broader ideas of lost love, lost hope, lost time, etc., combined with the more objective aspects you mentioned of not wanting to “demonize or even neutralize the Beloved”, and the awareness of having exercised “good judgment”. To condense all of those things down into one stand-alone, somewhat clinical definition would be quite a task. Consider too that what you are describing is not something that most people have thought about. In a way, your thoughts do not have the luxury of a ready context in our society’s thoughts about ex-loves.
Perhaps you could construct an analogy or metaphor that represents such a person, the place he or she holds in one’s life, and all the feelings that go along with him or her. Once established, condense the analogy or metaphor further by trying to encapsulate it into a referencing phrase or term. (As a marginal example, in Portuguese Fado, the feeling of longing and desire for love that one knows will never be, could be represented by the metaphor of an empty wine glass.) Maybe, in going through such a process, you will remember the word you are looking for, or find the right word to express your concept.
Once your book is published, and perhaps others dealing with the same subject matter, a context will begin to take shape in our society’s thoughts that may, one day, make the perfect word self-evident.
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How thoughtfully expressed, Dgeigh. Thank you.
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Me: Mmmm? I was just thinking...could you maybe use a collaborator?
I'm experienced.___________________________________________________ nancyk: Experienced?
As a writer/collaborator or Lover/Beloved? Just clarifying.  ________________________________________ Experienced in matters of love, nancyk. Everyone is experienced in matters of words. By age 45, the age most people reach their maturity, the average person has said, heard, thought, and read more than 5,000,000,000 words, so all English speaking people are experienced users of words and everyone is an expert. As for me, I was precocious and reached maturity and the early age of 35 so until now I have thought, spoken, heard and read over 10,000,000,000 words and will happily share a few of them here... Yes, CathCoy, amen all that Dgeigh said, but one thing more. The word that describes the state of emotion that you hope to utilize is paramount to the sucesss of your book. Most all self help books that I've avoided have centered their original concept around such a focal word. Take the time to look to other languages for existing terms that approximate the emotional state. Maybe the word that conveys the condition that you address doesn't exist in any language but if the meaning of a foreign word comes close you can imbue it with a fuller meaning of your desire. At last resort try German, hardly romantic, but you'll get a paragraph in a word. Me? I would cheat and lift the name of a famous (or obscure) classical hero or heroine as a personification of the condition that you wish to describe. In this case only the intense love between the love and the beloved and the separation that they are forced to endure need be considered in your representation, and so you can then choose simply for sound and the aptness of sense. For example you could refer to a male caught in this unbearable situation as a "Lindoro", and a female as a "Rosina", as in Rossini's The Barber of Seville. Good luck.
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themilum, I agree, the right word is crucial. I may have to coin one and I'm thinking now that "Unlover" may fill the bill. Here are the lyrics to a song (of which I don't know the particulars) that expresses the predicament in which the Lover, left by the Beloved, finds him/herself.
Unloose this hold you've got on me
You lock this heart that can't get free
Unlive the night you kissed and hugged me
Undream the dreams that we both shared
Unfeel the feelin' that you cared
Before you leave me, please unlove me
Unlove me
Unmake all the memories I can't forget
Unlove me
Let me go back to the way I was before we met
Back to the day when I was strong
When it wasn't sad to be alone
When I was happy-go-lucky
And I didn't know how good it felt
To hold you and feel my heart melt
Show me a little mercy and unlove me
Unlove me
Untie all the strings between your heart and mine
Unlove me
But do it real slow, so I don't have to lose you all at one time
Before you pack your bags and leave
One thing I wish you'd do for me
Take a little time to just unlove me
Unlove me
Unmake all the memories I can't forget
Unlove me
Let me go back to the way I was before we met
Unloose this hold you've got on me
Unlock this heart that can't get free
Before you leave me, please unlove me
Show a little mercy and unlove me
By the way, my working title is "How to Unlove Someone...in Less Than 30 Days," so this coined term may be just right, yes?
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Ahhh, Anna, thank you. I've never heard of Julie Roberts but I intend to purchase the CD that contains this song, which I hope is as lovely as the lyrics. Thanks again.
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