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WO'N's new thread Transmutational Phraseology- inquiring about the term describing a book title, or play title, which is remembered and parodied long after the book or play has taken its final bow - arrives just in time to consider the latest example of the phenomenon, Paris Hilton: Confessions of an Heiress, a Tongue in Chic Peek Behind the Pose. Paris Hilton's voyeurography, if I may call it that, is noteworthy not only because it is the latest example of the phenomenon WO'N has identified, but also because it may set a record for achieving that status faster than any other book title in history. Its pages are not only forgettable in relation to its cover, its pages are a cover for its cover. In fact, "Confessions of an Heiress" isn't a book. It's a cover. What biblionym could enter the language faster than that, WO'N? I would like to claim the distinction of being the first person, at least on AWADtalk, to parody "Paris Hilton: Confessions of an Heiress".I plan to publish: "Peoria Chilton: Confessions of a Heirdresser, A Peek Beneath the Couture." Please wait for the first instalment: "When you can wear a tiara and look this good, why wear anything else!"  Anyone know a Paris Hilton look-alike who will pose for the back cover ... which is actually the front cover featuring the pose we really want to see on Paris' front cover. [Ahem, 10% of the royalties. P.S. You only have to look like Paris from the rear, butt if you don't, no need to apply. ] At least the purchasers of my title will get what they please, instead of the tease.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Why?Why "Confessions of an Heiress"? Or, why "Confessions of a Heirdresser", Musick. In either case, because this is what her public seems to want. As they would say in Merry Olde England: "Where's there's muck, there's brass." [In every sense of the word. ]
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The first parody of "Confessions of an Heiress" is now out, "Paris the Heiress"*, but Paris seems to be milking the parody appeteat dry heirself. No fair, Paris! Paris has just come out with a line of jewellery any wannabe heirhead can afford [less than $100 a wannabe bauble], and now she has a contract to hawk Burger Kings. This just in: "Fans of the blond bombshell will get to see even more of Paris in the next few months if the fast food chain Burger King gets their way. BK wants the celebutante to represent them in a new advertising campaign — and they're willing to pay her $750,000 for her time." At last, Burger King has a Queen!* "Paris the Heiress: An Unauthorized Parody" by Steven Chorney. http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0740748084.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
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Paris does Paris.
Think of the heir-blazing, Trompe de la Gucci, haute hilarity of that!
Paris visits the West Bank and discovers it isn't a bank!
Paris visits the Louvre and discovers that the window blinds are all hanging on the wall. And they're not for sale. Hors de heiress!
Paris on Two Hundred Thousand a Day.
Bon voyeurage!
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Our "hi-flying socialite" [emphasis on the "lite"] has now found her haute spiritual enlightenment side.No doubt, there is a Kabballah Hilton in the works. This hottie hautepreneur is gonna make grandaddy Baron Hilton look like a hautebeen. See "Paris turns to Kabballah to de-stress". JUST IN! http://www.webindia123.com/news/showdetails.asp?id=47117&cat=India
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I love Paris in the Springtime
I love Paris in the Fall
I love Paris in her tiara
But I love Paris best in nothing, at all.
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JUST IN! "Paris Hilton seeks tiara trademark" And it has a "P" where the "BK" ought to be! Maybe the hottie "hotel heiress" is moving upmenu. What do ya think? Look for some wannabe Paris "kitchen utensils". Like silver-plated spoons. That is so haute! "The hotel heiress filed a trademark application in late July to register a logo of a tiara with a "P" centered in the middle, the Smoking Gun Web site first reported Friday. The logo application, which cost $325 to file, looks to put the logo on audio and visual recordings, eyewear, prepaid calling cards, kitchen utensils, mugs, key chains, soaps, body oils and other goods." http://money.cnn.com/2004/08/30/news/newsmakers/paris_hilton/"Prepaid Paris Calling Cards". Do you think we can call Paris with them? Haute my heart races at the thought!
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Get thee to a mummery!
- The MGMT
The Lone Haranguer
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Get thee to a mummery!If you are really "-The MGMT", snoot, you've arrived when the show is over. Which is good timing.
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JUST IN Stars make tiny dogs latest Big Thing By Elizabeth Large Baltimore Sun Grapho ruffled some of the legacy plummage around here so we sent him packing [and "Good riddance!", I might add] but his colossal gall aside, he was on to a good thing in bringing us regular up-dates of the derring do's of the "so haute" heiress. [We may persecute presumption around here, but we are smart enough to relieve our outcasts of their valuables before we run them out of town. ] Paris gets tales wagging again! http://www.cincypost.com/2004/09/11/dog09-11-2004.html
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JUST IN Paris says cooking is "hot"!!!Get out your aprons, ladies. Paris has just "unveiled" her haute frau side!!! PARIS UNVEILS KITCHEN SKILLS "She [Paris] says, "I'm the best cook. I'm such a good cook. If you're an heiress you should be able to cook. It's hot." I can see them now: Paris Hilton oven mitts crowned with the famous tiara and the legend "Cooking is hot!". What could be hotter than that!!! Burger King eat your heart out. [Or better yet, bake your cardboard tiara.] http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/PARIS HILTON UNVEILS KITCHEN SKILLS
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Paris Hilton oven mittsDid we say "oven mitts"? That is SO un-haute!!! "Oven gloves" [but, of course] with lots of finger room for haute faux heiress rings fitted with haute faux heiress diamonds. It opens up a whole new category: haute faux frau!!!
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Gotti takes a hit.Paris turns Victoria Gotti's world upside-down by wacking her boys. "Who the [bleep] are the Gottis?" Hilton reportedly said.Careful, Paris! Some "hits" can hit back. [Just kiddin', Victoria. ] Is Paris an heirhead, or does she really have cohonas? Read all about it, fans. Haute huff or haute bluff? Will Paris be doing her next cover spread spread out under a cover? Is this the beginning of a new reality TV series? I can see it now: CELEBRITY HITS: She did the world. Now she does the underworld.Paris Hilton suffers from situational amnesia!
New York September 08, 2004 2:21:20 PM IST Paris Hilton left reality TV star Victoria Gotti fuming after she refused to meet Gotti and her boys - John, Carmine and Frankie at a nightclub in Miami. According to New York Daily News, Victoria had brought her sons to the nightclub Mansion specifically to meet their fellow reality TV star Paris, and even sent over a security guard to inform Hilton of their arrival but Hilton refused to met them. "Who the [bleep] are the Gottis?" Hilton reportedly said. [OUCH!!!] "I've helped that girl. She came to me after her sex-tape scandal and I did a story where she got to defend herself. Remember? 'Paris: I'm Not a Tramp!' For her to say she doesn't know me or my boys is ridiculous. And if she wants to say you don't know me, then at least be polite," Victoria was quoted as saying. (ANI)
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People are selling Paris' Tinkerbell posters on eBay. "That was so mean!", Paris says.There's a lesson in this Wannabes. It's OK to be haughty - as in "Who the [bleep] are the Gottis" - but never be "mean". "Mean" is about as low as you can go, haute people. Be a haughty hottie, just like Paris. Wednesday, 8 Sep 2004 "Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is horrified to learn posters she placed around Hollywood in search of her Chihuahua Tinkerbell have now ended up on auction website eBay. Hilton's beloved pooch went missing last month and turned up a week later after the blonde beauty offered a $5,000 reward on a string of posters. She says, "People were selling them on eBay! They took them all down. I saw it on eBay. That was so mean!"
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JUST IN Paris fights for animal rights ... her own, of course.Paris is fighting to keep her pet ferrets, Dolce and Gabbana. It's not legal in California to keep ferrets as pets. "I don't think that's a fair law", Paris says. Does this signal a major move into haute activism, Wannabes? I can see it now: Paris Hilton animal shelter-suites.Give your outlawed anaconda a five star Hilton suite. It's not "fair" that cute little critters should have to live in the streets with unkempt street 'people'. Maybe Arnie will take up the cause, Paris reasons. Arnie played opposite a ferret in "Kindergarten Cop". HILTON FIGHTS TO KEEP FERRET PETSSocialite Paris Hilton is calling for California Governor Anold Schwarzenegger's help as she fights to keep her pet ferrets. The hotel heiress let slip that she owns two ferrets, called Dolce and Gabbana, when she recently appeared on Jay Leno's "The Tonight Show." Californians are banned from keeping ferrets as pets. So now, Hilton is hoping to change the law and is joining a group urging Schwarzenegger, who co-starred with a ferret in "Kindergarten Cop," to give lovers of the animals in his state a break. She says, "I wish there was a law that ferrets were legal because I don't think that's a fair law." The proposed law that Hilton is backing would give ferret owners amnesty for vaccinated, neutered ferrets. http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/dailydish/
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has been going on for years. The Beatles sang a protest song about the Liverpool City Council's decision to send "Ferrets 'Cross the Mersey."
TEd
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Check your Pacemakers, TEd 
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I hope they're not jerry built, (cross threading pun).
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What happened to my ferret?Looking at this list of ferret dangers, it makes you wonder if a ferret is really designed for life in a typical home [even a haute home with Tinkerbell and Paris]: http://www.craftycreatures.com/forferretsonly/ferretschool_danger.htmlWho would have guessed there are so many ways to kill a defenceless ferret?
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JUST IN Guess "Celebrity Hits" won't be coming to prime time television any time soon, Wannabes. Someone told Paris how Victoria Gotti got to be a celebrity. "Psst. You know those "Godfather" pizzas Tinkerbell likes with the cute slogan." So Paris and Victoria are haute-flying birds of a feather again ... which makes a lot of sense to us 'cause they're both named after capital cities. Besides, we're having too much fun with Paris' auto-bio-haute-hottie-heirhead parody!!! HILTON HALTS FEUD WITH GOTTIhttp://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/HILTON HALTS FEUD WITH GOTTI
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Guess Grapho wasn't the only one who wanted to see more of Paris in less.* Guess who Guess has just chosen as its new "demi-pornographic" Guess Girl"? You Guessed it, Wannabes! They [Guess and Paris] each got their way (the amount paid is a secret) and now Ms. Hilton, photographed in demi-pornographic poses wearing silky pink cocktail dresses and much less, is the face (and body) of Guess, which, as a company, is getting its own makeover.Go to: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/09/25/business/25guess.html?adxnnl=1&8hpib=&adxnnlx=1096120942-jyNCxoX1Kcz98cw2If5tuwGuess Burger King can start looking for a new Queen. [Most of BK's family customers like their burgers fully dressed anyway.] * All is forgiven, Grapho. Come on back! We love you, Grapho.  Just stick to the "haute hum" and leave the Carpal Tunnels alone, OK?
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Just stick to the "haute hum" and leave the Carpal Tunnels alone, OK?Well, OK, if you insist, themgmt. I guess I owe you for holding up my end when they gave me the old frogleg heave-ho. The Carpal Tunnels have become a bit downmarket anyway, don't you think? Can u picture a Carpal Tunnel in a Guess T-shirt?
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Will Guess get "Screwed"?We wonder if Guess will get "Screwed" as part of its deal with Paris. "Screwed" certainly chimes with "demi-pornographic". Paris' version of "Screwed" was "leaked" online [Have we heard this story before, Heirheads?] and no date has been set for her first album "Paris is Burning". We don't need to wait for the vocals. We know this album is going to be "hot!". JUST IN"Paris Hilton appears to be winning the battle with Hilary Duff's older sister Haylie Duff over the single "Screwed," after the hotel heiress' version was leaked onto the internet. Both have recorded the same song, and while they were figuring out how to proceed, Hilton's version has now been put online after it was aired on the radio. ... Duff also said she planned to release her own version by early August, but now Hilton has inadvertently beaten to her to it. Hilton's spokesperson Gina Hoffman says, "It's not something we put out. It's a leak. And that's really disturbing." Hoffman adds that Hilton doesn't have a release date for her debut album Paris Is Burning yet, or even a distribution deal in place, so the release is too early to promote the record. The version making the rounds on the internet was recorded from a radio station's airing." So who got "Screwed", Wannabes? [Not our Paris! ] http://www.starswelove.com/scriptsphp/news.php?newsid=4721Remember, Wannabes. You don't have to go to Paris for the news. You get it all right here on "Confessions of an Heirhead". Stay tuned, Heirheads.
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Paris is burning ... red-hot!JUST IN Hilton busy with film, TV projectsThe only thing they left out of this account is Paris' gig with Guess. [But we didn't let you down, Wannabes. ] "And if the movie doesn't satisfy the public's appetite for all-things Paris, they'll have their chance in a lot of other venues: in print, online, in stores, in clubs and on television. Her book, "Confessions of an Heiress," is No. 6 on the New York Times best-seller list; she has a jewellery line on Amazon.com; she is developing an apparel and denim line under Heiress Clothing; she's trademarked her signature saying "That's Hot," with plans in the works to develop a merchandising and apparel line emblazoned with the phrase; she's prepping for the release of a new perfume line; she's designing and planning a string of nightclubs called Club Paris, the first set to debut in Orlando; she's putting the finishing touches on her debut album; and she's currently in creative discussions with Fox and Bunim/Murray for "The Simple Life 3" with pal Nicole Richie." http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsPackageArticle.jhtml?type=entertainmentNews&storyID=591352§ion=newsParis is so hot "The Donald" is beginning to look like Regis Philbin.
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"she's designing and planning a string of nightclubs called Club Paris" Could this be a clue to the kind of entertainment Club Paris will offer, Wannabes? Remember you heard it here first. We have all the news you are burning to hear about Paris! "Paris is burning", Wannabes, but no-one wants to put her out. We put it out when Paris puts out.
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Could this be a clue to the kind of entertainment Club Paris will offer, Wannabes?Don't think so, themgmt. Most likely it will be "no strings attached".
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Looks like Paris is the center-fold of another sex 'scandal'. JUST IN Paris Hilton's Latest Sex TapeExtract: "The footage is believed to have been made from 12 hours of video stolen from Hilton's home rented Hollywood Hills home last month."
Hilton's spokesman Elliot Mintz warned that Hilton's legal team will sue anyone who tries to give away her X-rated tapes to the tabloids.Do you think he's Mintzing his words, Wannabes? http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/866917.cmsA picture is worth a thousand words, Heirheads. Paris doesn't take a back seat to anyone!
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Hilton's legal team will sue anyone who tries to give away her X-rated tapes to the tabloidsTranslation: If you have a copy of this tape, Wannabes, don't "give it away". Sell it.
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"An asymmetrical dress designed for actress and model Paris Hilton also has become a fashion sensation and is now available exclusively at http://www.cdbstore.com."http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/041001/phf009_1.htmlNo-one can fool us, Heirheads. It's not the dress which became the "fashion sensation". Paris looks good in asymmetrical dress ... and even better in assymmetrical undress. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/866917.cmsLest we forget. [Naughtie, naughtie, little hottie. ]
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"BK wants the celebutante to represent them in a new advertising campaign — and they're willing to pay her $750,000 for her time."Now that Paris and Victoria Gotti have made up, it's OK to poke fun at Victoria again. So, here goes, Wannabes. If Paris is a celebutante, does that make Victoria a mobutante? Hey, if you Gottit, flaunt it, right!!!
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does that make Victoria a mobutante?Watch out, Grapho. Someone could rat-a-tat tattle on you. [You aren't the most popular poster around here anyway ... or haventcha noticed? ]
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Watch out, Grapho. Someone could rat-a-tat tattle on you.Thanks for the warning, themgmt. I've bin dodgin Carpal Tunnels so long I forgot what a real Thompson looks like. It's the gun that won the Mid-West ... for Al Capone  . Victoria! I take it all back!!! You are not a mobutante. You are a celebutante, just like Paris. Her granddaddy was a Baron. Your daddy was a mobster. So what's the difference? This is America! [I owe you, the mgmt. Just let me know and I'll give any Carp a "free pass" ... for the day. ]
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Just let me know and I'll give any Carp a "free pass" ... for the day
I don't want you carpin' on any Carp, Grapho.
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I don't want you carpin' on any Carp, GraphoFor a whole day?
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Ever!
Jeez, the mgmt. You gotta be kiddin'.
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Jeez, the mgmt. You gotta be kiddin'.
You could be wearin' concrete sneakers, Grapho.
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Ever!You can't agree to that, Grapho! 
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