re "smuggled goods in the boot of his car, yet there is absolutely nothing in the body of the play to even hint at that"

Sounds like "the body of the play" is in the boot.

re "I was absolutely appalled at how poorly plotted it is."

As you probably know, The MouseTrap is "the world's longest running play of any kind", now in its 51st year at the Albemarle of London.

Audiences seem to like "strange", TEd Rem.