That the malefactor’s truck run out of gas while the gauge still shows a quarter tank, his spouse run off with his former best friend, his rifle jam when he has the biggest buck he’s ever seen in his sights, his microwave burn stuff on the outside while leaving the inside frozen, his television change channels ever time his neighbour uses his remote garage-door opener, and his diet pills cause him to retain water. And that's just for first offenders.

Yes, and for recidivism I withdraw my objection to capital punishment. Lock up the murderers and the rapists for life, by all means. But, for pity's sake, save society from the lasting damage and continuous nausea caused by advertising "executives" at work. Please. It's a matter of ... well, life and death, I guess!