Gay friends and acquaintances in my experience mean exactly what you understood about the similarity (and difference of intent) between the expressions gay and queer. I have not encountered any different meaning ~ but perhaps one is emerging in some particular niche culture.

When a gay person uses a term like "queer" to refer to another gay person, everyone understands that it is not meant unkindly, because within the community the meaning of that term has been changed by mutual consent. This happens all the time within minority groups and members of those groups understand the process.

http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/chap5c.html


Trans-identified certainly refers to all those people who feel their interior sexuality does not match their natal gender, and who choose to realign themselves by some action or social statement. I’ll be interested to hear others’ take on these though – I could be completely outta da loop!