I've also received loads of variants; it is a good one! Features that IMHO should be included in addition to tsuwm's version are
(a) the ruling that Mel Gibson should be arrested for Treason and
(b) The sign-off:
Thank you for your cooperation and...have a jolly nice day!

why would anyone declare war on Quebec?
Because it's French of course, CK. Pay attention!
(not that the English are in any way bad losers, of course)

It'd be a very easy war to win if we started it on Moving Day, hein, bel?
http://wordsmith.org/board/showthreaded.pl?Board=miscellany&Number=8353