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Joined: Oct 2003
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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Hello,
I asking for your help/opinions re this sentence. I'm not overly concerned about the "properness" of it, but I like not to be dismissive of grammatical protocol either. Is the meaning most clear in the 1st example, or otherwise?
"Later, the luxuriant feathery needles of frost that fringe the boundaries of the leaves will be nearly as engaging as living things."
or
“…as nearly engaging…”
or ?
Thanks and be well,
O'bow
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
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Hi O'bow,
Both work for me, but the first is probably the clearer of the two.
I like the rythm and imagery of the sentence and the alliteration.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
nearly as engaging , definitely: the other way seems to mean that it is nearly (almost) engaging. Um--I found myself struggling a bit to keep up with what was going to happen with those lovely fringes; I kept thinking, "They do what"? the boundaries of the leaves is what I was struggling with; I wonder if the sentence would be as clear leaving out all but the last two words of this phrase.
I love the imagery created; but I didn't care for the struggle I had to go through to get there. But maybe that's just me.
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Joined: Jun 2002
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
those lovely fringes; I kept thinking, "They do what"? the boundaries of the leaves
right, Jackie. fringe and boundaries are nearly redundant?
formerly known as etaoin...
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
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No, surely a fringe is a series of threads (or filaments of some kind) that hang off or project from the boundary. Like a fringed tablecloth. I think it works well.
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Joined: Jun 2002
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
redundant isn't the right word, I should have said unnecessary. for where else does fringe form, but on the boundaries?
formerly known as etaoin...
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Joined: Mar 2002
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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Well yes, quite true, I take your point, eta.
Mind you - just to be awkward, and certainly not relevant to the specifics of chilly leaves - those deerskin, or whatever, frontiersman outfits I've seen pictures of seemed to have fringes stitched on all over them. I suppose they had to find something to do between scouting missions, or maybe they just had lots of pockets!
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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deer skin leather was fringed to help water (rain) run off.
its curious how the first settlers in the americas recognized and loved woolens (which are in many, many ways superior to leather) and europeans are portrayed wearing leather!
the wool blankets of the NorhtWestTrading company were valued very highly by indians and traders alike.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692 |
deer skin leather was fringed to help water (rain) run off.I didn't know that. Thanks! After reading your comment about wollen garments , I immediately thought about Harris tweed, Fair Isle, Jerseys, Guernseys and so on. I did some Googling and found this site which I offer tentatively (because I know you to be expert in this area!) as having some interesting historical information amongst its adverts. You have to scroll down a bit. http://www.achillknitwear.com/aranknit1.html
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Joined: Oct 2003
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
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Thanks dxb, and thanks to all for your feedback(s).
Now I have too much to think about again. That's what I get...but, that’s “a good thing”.
I am trying to say that the frost will only be on the edges of the leaves.
As a former Boy Scout I learnt that fringe on leather jackets etc. are not usually stitched on, but are cut into the “boundary” of the garment.
I found this:
http://wyomuseum.state.wy.us/WMTArchive.asp
“Wyoming Trivia Question January 1998
…Fringe was known by the mountain man as ‘whangs.’
What purpose(s) did the fringe on the mountain man’s buckskin clothing serve?
Fringe or "whangs" served several purposes in addition to the most obvious one, ornamentation. Fringe helped drain water off of the garment during rainstorms.* Whangs were pulled off and used to mend moccasins and clothing, to tie bundles or as bindings. In times of starvation, whangs could be chewed in an attempt to temporarily relieve hunger pains…” It always goes back to favorite foods doesn’t it?
*as of troy has noted
I don’t know from whence whangs.
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Joined: Oct 2003
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enthusiast
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enthusiast
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Thanks again all for your feedbacks.
Jackie, I agree that the sentence was a bit convoluted, but I couldn’t find a different way to put it and keep the meaning the same, in addition (no excuse this), I was under pressure of a deadline. My stuff is published in a local community paper, (circulation 3000!). Evidently there is not much competition for space in the journal.
I was just in time, and I made page 2 (of 12), my first single digit page placement. I haven’t quit my day job.
Here’s the whole thing. I welcome any comments.
PS - I seem to have a knack of bringing threads to a screeching halt, a propensity that is not deliberately cultivated. In addition to losing that talent, I vow to work harder to receive at least one vote in the next Hogwash.
A New York Moment
Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven. -Rabindranath Tagore, (1861-1941)
One day I was full of life / My sap was rich and I was strong / From seed to tree I grew so tall
Through wind and rain I could not fall / But now my branches suffer / and my leaves don't offer / Poetry to men of song. -Beach Boys, (1961 - )
The leaves sang their colors in a million-voice choir.
Soon it was cold but the trees had no clothes.
Then leaves layered the new forest floor, in every color that brown, yellow and red could make. They made patterns immeasurablely more elaborate than a particular wonderwoods drawing. It is of astonishing intricacy, of a place too sacred to walk in. It is drawn in hair-fine ink black lines and ten earth-shade watercolors. When I bought it in Greenwich Village’s Washington Square Park, from the tiny, age-undeterminable, bug-eyed speed freak, the picture looked like Eden to me. Now my affection for it is because it reminds me that the treelands have received my lifelong, unbroken veneration.
The leaves’ colors do not define them as they did just the week before – but just their shapes – each more different from each other than snowflakes are reputed to be. These shapes are on a macro scale though. If my eyes were stronger, I could stoop down to zoom in on more detail, but now I use a loupe or magnifying glass. My eyes can open again, beaming through the glass, into a new clear, lavishly complex world.
Later, the luxuriant feathery needles of frost that fringe the boundaries of the leaves will be nearly as engaging as living things.
The artist looked into the lenses of my hazel eyes to see if I could love her picture.
Snow will cover it all.
– Owlbow (1950 - )
Edit: BTW I don't get paid, so unfortunately there are no royalties to share.
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Oct 2001
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Incorporating all of the foregoing, you could reduce the sentence to its bare essence:
Later, the frigid leaves, fringed with feathery needles of frost, will come, glistening, alive, as though they were born anew.
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2002
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I like the original. The full sentance fits the complexity of what the writer is looking at and the rhythm works for me as well. The piece is not about bare essentials but about a richness of details.
("as nearly engaging" says to me that living things are nearly engaging.)
PS at the beach one January I saw driftwood that had still been wet when the temperature dropped. As the water froze and expanded it was forced out of every tiny fissure into fine, complex crystal moss.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
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Ohhhhhhhh, O.B.--that is beautiful! And your sentence is perfect in this context.
I don’t know from whence whangs. Gurunet says: Dialectal variant of Middle English thong, thwang, thong.
EDIT: forgot to mention that when I went up north a couple of weeks ago, I noticed about halfway up Indiana that all the trees were bare of leaves. Yet when I got back home, we still had approx. a third of them still on the trees. It's maybe about a fourth overall, now; yet we still have a few maples that are almost fully leafed out in glorious reds, yellows, and even some green. Makes you aware of geography.
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member
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I like this piece VERY much. Mixing the images of reality and a drawing--and reminding us that after the brilliant leafy display is down for the year, there are still wonders to be found!
The only sentence that gave me pause was the one that begins, "Now my affection for it is because...", but on rereading I think it's all right as is.
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