#86159
11/07/2002 4:48 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 47
newbie
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newbie
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 47 |
Does anybody know any punchlines? Not jokes - just punchlines i.e ...and the vicar said "I'm sorry Mrs Miggins but we don't have any more aubergines left."
Could be fun.
I'm off to Nottingham for a few days. Will be offline for a bit. Will be back Wednesday.
regards and try some rockcakes if you get the chance.
Has anyone seen my compass?
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#86160
11/07/2002 4:55 PM
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 833 |
Not jokes - just punchlines
Um....why?
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#86161
11/07/2002 5:25 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
you don't. you get down off a duck.
formerly known as etaoin...
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#86162
11/07/2002 5:28 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
The one that got Berke Breathed into a world of trouble:
So the nun said, "Pass the pickle, please."
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#86163
11/07/2002 5:36 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
No,no, Faldage! the nun said "Your vicar is thicker and slicker and quicker than you."
I purposely left out "longer and stronger"
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#86164
11/07/2002 5:39 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
Then the Fool said to the geezer, "Must of been a different nun."
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#86165
11/07/2002 7:11 PM
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692 |
And the butler said "Not that shaggy, sir!"
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#86166
11/07/2002 7:26 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2 |
"...the chicken was delicious!"
---------
"Just what did the chicken _do_?"
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"Don't rightly know. Never been able to catch one!"
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#86167
11/07/2002 7:39 PM
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 10,542 |
It's the plumber!!
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one leg is both the same.
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These Fokkers are flying Messerschmidts!
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#86168
11/07/2002 8:08 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819 |
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#86169
11/07/2002 8:09 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819 |
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#86170
11/07/2002 8:43 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
Only if you don't get your thumbs caught between them.
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#86171
11/07/2002 8:53 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
If your fingernail falls off, she wasn't a virgin.
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#86172
11/07/2002 10:06 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2 |
Sounds like fun, and in a couple of days we can have an impromptu contest about who knows the most jokes with the aforementioned punchlines :-)
But.
For future reference: doesn't this thread more properly belong in the "Wordplay and Fun" forum?
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#86173
11/08/2002 12:49 AM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467 |
"No, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."
Many years ago I went to a comedy club where the comedy duo passed around pieces of paper on which people wrote punch lines, and which they then wove into a fabric as they pulled each in turn out of a hat.
The foregoing was my contribution and apparently was well-known to most of the audience, since it got the largest laugh of the skit.
TEd
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#86174
11/08/2002 12:24 PM
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 2
stranger
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stranger
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 2 |
I feel a lot more like I do now than I did a while ago.
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#86175
11/08/2002 1:08 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,819 |
"What on earth do you mean, 'The wrong hole'?"
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#86176
11/08/2002 3:48 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439 |
"No, no, sweetheart, the finger next to it."
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#86177
11/08/2002 4:40 PM
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,692 |
...and everyone s***s on Blixon.
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#86178
11/09/2002 2:25 AM
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 320
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 320 |
If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder.
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#86179
11/09/2002 2:32 AM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
For future reference: doesn't this thread more properly belong in the "Wordplay and Fun" forum? Yes. I'm glad you said for future reference; we can't blame new people for not knowing the ins and outs of this place right away. We made an effort for a while to keep this category set aside for serious discussion; it was never 100% that way, and has slipped considerably in recent times. We still may have members who would prefer to have one place where they know they can find some "meat" (sorry, Anu), for lack of a better term. If anyone has strong feelings one way or the other, feel free to post or to PM me. EDIT--this post is in no way intended to stop the thread--the fun's begun, so why not continue it? 
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#86180
11/09/2002 12:37 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
And the chicken said, "Not with *my wife, you don't!"
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#86181
11/09/2002 3:09 PM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 387
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 387 |
"Nevermore."
What? That wasn't a joke?
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#86182
11/09/2002 7:16 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
So I thought about it for a while and said... "OK, how about a little head".
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#86183
11/09/2002 8:19 PM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 7,210 |
"oh, him? that's a ten inch pianist."
formerly known as etaoin...
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#86184
11/10/2002 4:00 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
People don't eat parsley.
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#86185
11/10/2002 2:50 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
"Well,
I guess we finally answered THAT question."
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#86186
11/10/2002 3:04 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2 |
...but that's a cartoon, and there was nothing BUT the punchline!
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#86187
11/10/2002 3:07 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636 |
So, make up your own joke. I actually saw it first as a written joke, so which came first?  
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#86188
11/10/2002 3:18 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11,071 Likes: 2 |
Simultaneously, my dear, simultaneously.
Another example of aural vs. visual pleasure? (cross-thread)
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#86189
11/13/2002 4:15 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 47
newbie
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newbie
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 47 |
Apologies - perhaps the inappropriate section of the site but look at the richness of the response.
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#86190
11/13/2002 4:16 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 47
newbie
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newbie
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 47 |
Need there be a discernable purpose?
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#86191
11/14/2002 11:18 AM
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 475
addict
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addict
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 475 |
I can't believe your husband still believes in genies
I felt your presents
No tomatoes
because it was stuck to the foot of the chicken
we're off to the cinema tomorrow
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#86192
11/15/2002 12:20 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
We're delighted, of course, but we can never go to that restaurant again.
He's got one, but he never wears it.
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#86193
11/15/2002 5:26 PM
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 27
newbie
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newbie
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 27 |
"The pay isn't much but the tips are big."
"Yeah, and it's deep too!"
"White-out on the computer screen."
"What are you selling this time, cancer?!"
"(any number). (any number) to (some task) and (any other number) to (some other task possibly, but not necessarily, related to changing light bulbs)!"
And, my favorite - "What makes you think I'm NOT wearing a tuxedo?!"
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#86194
11/15/2002 5:59 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
What makes you think I'm NOT wearing a tuxedo?!
Which, of course, brings to mind the *other classic, "Why would you name a drink 'Bob'?"
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