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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
Received by email yesterday:
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But its "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." ( Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189 |
Hey, CapK!...just got back. My niece happened to show me this yesterday. From http://DarwinAwards.com, which "celebrates" acts of utter stupidity which lead to self-demise: Thirst for Death
2001 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(18 January 2001, New Zealand) The west coast of New Zealand
is threaded with narrow, windy roads that climb and descend the
hills at improbable angles. A Christchurch driver with little
patience for those dangerous curves was preparing a hot cup of
tea in her car when she learned one last lesson about respect for
the road.
Nothing, but nothing, could keep her from her afternoon tea that
day. Well all right, one thing could keep her from her tea. Karma.
While she was trying to brew a cuppa, her car plunged over a
precipice and into a creek. The woman was found dead three
days later, still holding a box of teabags, with a mug wedged
against the steering wheel and a thermos of hot water beneath
her feet.
There were no brake marks on the road.
DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2002 "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." --Robert A. Heinlein
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
Yes, indeedy, but this woman earned hers and got hers some time back. The website http://www.darwinawards.com has more up-to-date stupid ways to die ... 
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,204 |
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
One wonders if there is a connection ... ?
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,156 |
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
This is a standard conversation in my house:
Child burns self on hot food at the beginning of meal. "Whoa, mom, this is hot!". Mother, dryly: "Well, it did just come out of a 450 degree oven." She likes it so much she has even learned to say it in Turkish, when she discovered that my friend's mom said the exact same thing to her: "Ateste pisti * !" which literally translates as "It was on the flame!".
* I actually need characters unavailable in Arial to type that properly.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526 |
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Wiping tears from eyes
Now I'm dying to know whether this is a common problem in Sweden.
k
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
My car has a power sun roof. In the car manual, there are instructions
Warning! Do not open sun roof when there is snow on roof of the car.
I am sure glad they told me that!
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858 |
Dear of troy: I suspect warning about not opening sunroof when snow was on it had a very good reason. The rim of sunroof could be locked by ice, and activating it could burn out motor.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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OP
Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
You do like to be a killjoy at times, Bill! Why bring physics into a perfectly good manual slagging?
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400 |
I dunno, CK-- there might be something to be learned from gravity if i slide my sun roof open... and the glass is no longer holding up the snow... where's it going to go?
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