#53768
01/25/2002 1:43 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 107
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I haven't done this before but I just received this e-mail and thought it would be appreciated by a few punsters in this group.
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carri-on allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...what? (Oh, man, this is so good :)
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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#53769
01/25/2002 3:41 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Dear satin: I enjoyed the puns and wish you would post more often. We are a bit short of talent these days.
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#53770
01/25/2002 8:01 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
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I love u 2 Dr. Bill [kiss] I know, I'm a little early for Valentines Day, but I work retail  .
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#53771
01/25/2002 8:24 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
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Feel free to liberally apply the Harrumph®, consuelo. This occasion certainly warrants it. (Enjoyed the puns, satin!  )
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#53772
01/25/2002 8:26 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
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#53773
01/25/2002 8:47 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 107
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#53774
01/26/2002 12:34 AM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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I like the tongue-in-cheek and wink with a smile approach myself.Thank you Satan, for one good pun hidden in the midst of nine bad ones. This brings to mind a punlike true story of several years back. A New York Post photographer was rushed to Long Island to photograph the scene of a ritualistic murder by a band of New Age devil worshipers. In a woodland clearing he found the site of their gory ceremonies and took many pictures. Back at the paper the Metro Editor and the photographer were looking at the newly developed pictures. Suddenly the Editor screamed, "You Idiot, we can't use these!" Beyond a bloody blanket and arcane paraphernalia was a big sandstone rock. And on it, painted in big red letters was the exaltation... SATIN LIVES. Until now I thought that stupid, now I know it was a warning. Yes... you do.  Helen, do you remember this?
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#53775
01/26/2002 2:22 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
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Even as the misspelling of my sweet sisters' board name 'satin' may have evoked the memory of your 'pun', I assure you she is *no devil. She's been *honored that way before...  http://wordsmith.org/board/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=announcements&Number=15266milum - So which one is it? No...I don't. 
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#53776
01/26/2002 3:38 PM
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,400
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Yes-- i remember the story of the Long Island Satin -ist.. the NYTimes latter did a story on them.. turns out they had killed an animal, (and that is bad) but they got caught because one of the kids was so upset about it, he confessed.. (the good news) they were playing at being bad.. and they where not very good at it.. no better than their spelling skills!
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#53777
01/26/2002 5:40 PM
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,636
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#53778
01/26/2002 5:53 PM
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Posts: 13,858
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An example of a rhetorical device (I forget which one) : " A pun is its own reword."
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#53779
01/26/2002 6:26 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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old hand
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Yeah, Milum. What he said. So let's see you come up with ten good ones to illuminate us, oh Pun Wun.
Sure can, Consuelo, but I was just kidding, I thought that all ten of the puns (but one) that Satin listed were good ones. The only thing I'm counting is to see if this post will be the ten-thousandth post on Words and Fun.
Milum.
PS: I think you win a car.
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#53780
01/26/2002 6:51 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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old hand
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...uh, please excuse me, would someone please check and see if my last post went through?
Thank you for your trouble,
Milum.
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#53781
01/26/2002 6:55 PM
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679
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Sure can, Consuelo, but I was just kidding, I thought that all ten of the puns (but one) that Satin listed were good ones. The only thing I'm counting is to see if this post will be the ten-thousandth post on Words and Fun.
Nope, Milum. That honour goes to me! I came a-pun this thread just in time......
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#53782
01/26/2002 7:14 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 872
old hand
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old hand
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Congratulations. ...and another thing, I never did like your cube.
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#53783
01/26/2002 10:12 PM
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Posts: 679
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...and another thing, I never did like your cube.
cube??? Wazzat? And why don't you like it????
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#53784
01/26/2002 10:53 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
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Is this the point at which someone is supposed to say "AND the horse you rode in on!"
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53785
01/26/2002 11:24 PM
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Posts: 679
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Is this the point at which someone is supposed to say "AND the horse you rode in on!"
Okay. It may be blatantly obvious to you but I am at a loss. What are you two talking about??????????
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#53786
01/26/2002 11:35 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
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I counted at least two "play-on-words", and this is 'Wordplay and fun'! Kid gloves, gentlemen (using that as loose as possible)! Walk gingerly (or fredly) for there is a house of *cards stacked nearby.
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#53787
01/26/2002 11:46 PM
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 679
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I counted at least two "play-on-words", and this is 'Wordplay and fun'!
Kid gloves, gentlemen (using that as loose as possible)! Walk gingerly (or fredly) for there is a house of *cards stacked nearby.
Okay. What do we have here? Cube - three dimensional object of equal side. Also a number to the power of itself three times.
'And the horse you rode in on'. As in **** you and the horse you rode in on????
Fred and Ginger?? Something to do with dance?? Am I getting close?? Why the kid gloves?? Why think outside the cube?? And the house of cards has me completely befuddled. I guess I can read between the lines (I'm not as naive as you think) but perhaps you can spell out the answer to me.....
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#53788
01/26/2002 11:52 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
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'And the horse you rode in on'. As in **** you and the horse you rode in on????
Yep. I see you got a sticky ? key, too. Bugger when that happens.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53789
01/27/2002 12:09 AM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
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Okay. What do we have here? Cube - three dimensional object of equal side. Also a number to the power of itself three times.... here-in lies the answer. Now as to the rest, if I didn't include some other "inside" information to throw you off (or is that to alert others?) it wouldn't be like playing a combination tic-tac-toe and three dimensional chess anymore, now would it? If you need anymore help I'll mail you one.
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#53790
01/27/2002 12:20 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
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Anybody seen the movie "The Advocate"? Set in fourteenth century northern France. An advocate (read "shyster") from not-so-gloire Paris gets sent to a town in Normandy (Rouen, I think). The first thing he happens upon is a hanging. A man and a donkey are about to be strung up for committing unnatural acts. Just before the necktie party gets underway, a messenger from the court rides up with a pardon for the donkey ...
Worth watching if you can score the video from somewhere.
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53791
01/27/2002 2:13 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
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#53792
01/27/2002 5:33 AM
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Posts: 618
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Cube? Wazzat? And why don't you like it?
Some people say it is too hard. It's reasonably simple once you know how.
[bragging]PB:45s[/bragging]
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#53793
01/27/2002 3:30 PM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
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Just got this in an E-mail: Investment alert: Pfizer Corp. (NYSE: PFE) is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola (NYSE: PEP) as a power beverage suitable for use as-is, or as a mixer, under the name "Mount And Do." Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."
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#53794
01/27/2002 4:44 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
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The email wasn't from TEd Remington, was it?
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#53795
01/27/2002 6:42 PM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,189
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was it TEd?No...as far as I know, CapK, it's just one of those anonymous mailers that's floating around. Then again, the style is right, so our one-and-only TEd could be the culprit who launched it, who knows?
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#53796
01/27/2002 8:19 PM
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 688
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#53797
01/27/2002 9:41 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
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#53798
01/28/2002 9:40 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
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Might have been. Here's a list I dreamed up about a year ago:
Cocka Cola.
Seven UP!!
Jolt that Bolt
Mountain Doer
Mr Pibbig
Shasta Love It
Pepsup
Orange Crusher
Knee-Hi
Squirt
Higher Root Beer
Minute Made
In Sure
TEd
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Thanks, satin, I was forgetting what those cute little smiliecons we there for!
