#38684
08/17/2001 4:32 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I don't know if anyone else has posted these, but I got them a few minutes ago and laughed uproariously.
GRAVE REMARKS
(from "The Globe & Mail" Newspaper - Canadian)
Spin Doctor: I’m dead. I’m biologically impaired.
Pharmacist: Taken at bedtime.
Detective: Finally, an airtight case.
Canadian Alliance Politician: With his beloved grassroots at last.
Jockey: Sailed over the bounding mane.
Séance: Medium: Let’s talk.
Podiatrist: Pied-á-terre
Plumber: The minimum charge to read this is $50 plus travel time.
Australian Travel Specialist: G’day from down under.
Crossword Puzzle Creator: I’m filling in my last crypt, I see.
Hairdresser: First I parted, then I dyed.
Pro Golfer: The final hole - one under.
Mining Engineer: Out of site, out of mine.
Computer Salesman: rip.com
Gravedigger: At least I didn’t dig my own.
Appellate Judge: Life lost its appeal.
Astronaut: Departed from this world, again.
Telemarketer: Dead ringer.
.French Ichthyologist: Fin.
Librarian: No longer in circulation.
Magistrate: He was a fine fellow.
Entomologist: He caught the ultimate bug.
Office Worker: Just another day in the cubicle.
Newscaster: This just in . . . I’m dead.
Radiologist: He saw right through everybody.
Electrician: His death was a shock to everyone, including him.
Baker: She’ll rise no more.
Southern Sheriff: Not dead, just a’restin’.
Spelunker: This looks interesting.
Pharmacist: He was a pillar of society.
Food Critic: The pork tartar was seasoned delicately.
Mobile-Phone User: cu L8r
Mime: He didn’t even say good-bye.
Children's Author: You hopped on Pop till he dropped.
Now he’s in a hole like a mole or vole.
French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Temp: Finally someone filled in for me.
Auctioneer: Going, going, gone at 87, to the gentleman with the scythe.
TEd
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#38685
08/17/2001 4:47 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Died of the ague, eh?
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#38686
08/17/2001 5:58 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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member
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Loved these, especially the telemarketer!! Some others, or variations of yours:
Crossword fan: six down.
Hairdresser: curled up and dyed.
Lawyer: Deep down, he really is a good person.
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#38687
08/17/2001 6:30 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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For his notoriously nagging wife, a guy in my home town put up a huge stone with foot high letters that read :"PEACE, BY JESUS CHRIST" All the old biddies were scandalized.
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#38688
08/17/2001 7:44 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Lawyer: Deep down, he really is a good person.
Lawyer: The Defense Rests. (I believe this one actually exists)
Lawyer: Here I Lie, Still.
"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man" provoked the inquiry, "How did they fit two guys in one grave?"
Dentist:
Stranger, approach this spot with gravity:
John Brown is filling his last cavity.
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#38689
08/19/2001 8:14 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 6,511
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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French Teacher: Correct usage of grave. Trés bien
Died of the ague, eh?
Faldage, one of your enduring qualities is your sharp yet circumflex mind.
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#38690
08/20/2001 2:26 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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In newspaper parlance years ago -30- was the way stories ended. When an editor saw -30- he/she knew their was no more information coming in. "30" means The End. I understand there actually exists the grave of a newspaper editor with the epitaph "-30-"
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#38691
08/20/2001 2:30 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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There are just jokes, which require no special knowledge to appreciate and inside jokes which *do require special knowledge, but are there any *outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
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#38692
08/21/2001 8:13 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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#38693
08/21/2001 11:21 PM
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Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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but are there any *outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
Yes. One category: Any tasteless, offense joke is funny if, but only if, so you're ignorant as to be unaware that it's offensive.
But obviously that's not what Faldage means.
Second category: of course, many a joke is only funny the first time you hear it; once you know the punch line, there's nothing else in it to hold your attention.
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#38694
08/21/2001 11:24 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
I've heard a number of jokes which were only funny if you were ignorant of some pertinent fact; in my case, of course, the extra information tends to be legal. Unfortunately, I cannot remember any examples right now, Faldage.
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#38695
08/21/2001 11:26 PM
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 508
addict
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addict
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outside jokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?Like, he only thought it was funny because what he didn't know is that it wasn't funny? Does that make the *outside joke an *inside joke for those who DO know it's not funny?  Do I know what I'm trying to say here?
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#38696
08/21/2001 11:58 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 618
addict
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addict
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In reply to:
Do I know what I'm trying to say here?
Unfortunately, yes.
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#38697
08/22/2001 1:32 AM
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Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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outsidejokes, which would require that there be something one *doesn't know for them to be considered funny?
Perhaps TEd R's very funny Rookie Cop -- whose punch line requires that you not approach it from the perspective noted by wwh's comment on that joke?
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#38698
08/22/2001 1:39 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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René Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him if he'd like a beer.
René Descartes, being a good Frenchman and thinking that beer is suitable only for Englishmen, Belgians and les boches, responds, "I think not!" and disappears in a puff of logic.
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#38699
08/22/2001 8:30 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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#38700
08/23/2001 12:54 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 618
addict
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addict
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Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
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#38701
08/23/2001 2:19 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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member
Joined: Jan 2001
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#38702
08/23/2001 2:21 AM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Rene Descartes opined, "I stand
Above the beasts because I plan,
Whereas the beasts do not." Of course,
He put Descartes before dehorse.
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#38703
08/23/2001 2:31 AM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Dearest Max,
I followed my hunch (or rather, uncertain memory), and verified that Descartes is the one who said, "I think, therefore I am". So, logically...
===========================================================
Keiva--that was terrible![giggle]
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#38704
08/23/2001 4:36 AM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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#38705
08/23/2001 11:43 AM
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Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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"Je pense, donc Je suis", Said Descartes on his mother's knee; He spoke Latin not, 'cause He was just a tot. "I think, therefore I am", He said while in the pram; His mama called him Spud, 'cause He played in the mud. "Cogito, ergo sum" -- then Flowed from his plume; Latin did come later For this common tater. 
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#38706
08/23/2001 12:34 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Jackie notes: Descartes is the one who said, "I think, therefore I am". So, logically...
Which is why it's an outside joke.
hint, hint
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#38707
08/23/2001 2:22 PM
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Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Oh, I walked right into that one, didn't I? Sheesh--will I ever learn??
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#38708
08/23/2001 4:46 PM
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Posts: 13,803
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It also seems to be an inside joke. I have found that younger people tend not to get it.
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#38709
08/23/2001 6:14 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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It also seems to be an inside joke. I have found that younger people tend not to get it.
Well, thank you very much--now, can someone find me my cane and tell me where I left my teeth?
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#38710
08/23/2001 6:55 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Descartes is the one who said, "I think, therefore I am".
Descartes failed to recognize his own logical error. What he should have said, were he accurate, is, "I think I think, therefore I think I am."
(EDIT: Now that I think of it: "I think that I think I think, therefore ..." Infinite regression looms.)
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#38711
08/23/2001 6:59 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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"I think I think, therefore I think I am."
Or "I think I am therefore I am, I think."
Incidentally, you're edging in onto the reason it's an outside joke.
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#38712
08/23/2001 7:40 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,094
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,094 |
Incidentally, you're edging in onto the reason it's an outside joke.
What exactly is it that you must know in order for it to not be funny? Even if you fully understand the philosophy behind the quote you can still find it amusing.
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#38713
08/23/2001 8:04 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803
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Even if you fully understand the philosophy behind the quote you can still find it amusing.
That's true, it would take a real stickler not to find it funny even while realizing that it illustrates the Fallacy of Denying the Antecedent. The trick is keeping a straight face while explaining why it isn't funny.
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#38714
08/23/2001 8:58 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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#38715
08/23/2001 10:49 PM
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Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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Descartes before dehorse.
A francophile would definitely consider that an outside joke.
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#38716
08/24/2001 10:31 PM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 387
enthusiast
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enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 387 |
In Cogito Ergo Sum, are both g's soft, hard, or hard and soft? Am I making sense?
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#38717
08/24/2001 11:32 PM
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,467
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When I took classic Latin in highs school, the g was always hard. It seems to me that in the Latin vernacular of the Catholic church that is not always the case.
TEd
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#38718
08/25/2001 2:54 PM
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 4,757
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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Golfer: One in hole
Signwriter: Deeply engraved
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#38719
08/25/2001 11:48 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 157
member
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member
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Descartes before dehorse.
A francophile would definitely consider that an outside joke.
But it's only an outside joke if it's considered funny by the person who does not know some piece of information. Wouldn't a francophile just look at you oddly and wonder what you meant?
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#38720
08/25/2001 11:56 PM
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 2,605
Carpal Tunnel
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But it's only an outside joke if it's considered funny by the person who does not know some piece of information. Wouldn't a francophile just look at you oddly and wonder what you meant?
To quote your post under Wordapalooza Part 2:
Huh?
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#38721
08/26/2001 7:13 PM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,439
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
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I am comletely lost in the maze of defining what is inside and what is outside outside and what the joke is to start with and what I have to know and ... lost, lost, lost.
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#38722
08/26/2001 8:25 PM
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Posts: 13,858
Carpal Tunnel
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#38723
08/27/2001 1:29 AM
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Posts: 618
addict
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I finally remembered this one.
A married couple were looking for a new shirt for him. Having no fashion sense, the husband picked out 6 shirts that he thought were ok, and took them to show his wife. His wife pointed to the one she preferred and said "That's the one I'd get", and she was promptly killed by a cyclops.
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