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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12
stranger
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OP
stranger
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12 |
Hello,guys.
My little sister's teacher wrote a Recommendation Letter for her.She translated it into English.But she is not sure if it's OK.Could you guys check it out for her,to see if there are some mistakes on grammar,phrase expressing ,misused words or anything not so proper.Please don't hesitate to tell.You know ,it's kindda important to my sis.She really need some advises from you guys.Thank you very much!!!!:)
Here's the letter:
Dear Sir and Madam:
I deem it a great pleasure to write this letter of reference on behalf of Nie to support her application to study in your university.
I am the vice dean of International Finance School and Nie is one of my outstanding students majoring in Finance.
I first came to know Nie in 2009 when I taught her the course of Finance. As an undergraduate student, Nie has left me a deep impression of her intellect, devotion and passion for the field. Beside the issue we talk about in class, sometimes she also discuss some latest topics in finance area in my office, she expresses her ideas clearly and has good analytical skills. With the passion on study , she got a desirable result in her final exam. While, I have to mention that she is girl of little obstinacy. When someone argue with her, she always stick to her ground. Besides this, she has good personality.
Apart from her excellent academic performance. Nie has demonstrated a high degree of leadership capacity and organizational skill in her active participation in the campus activities. In 2009, she represented her class in the Finance Knowledge Contest. As the team leader, she was ambitious and made adequate preparation, she consulted experts, collected information and helped training her team. Just several days before the contest , she had serious cold, got fever and finally was sent to hospital. Each team member thought she would just quit and all their efforts were in vain. While she just insisted to keep working with the contest, thus making others surprised. What they devoted swept to their victory, they won the championship of the contest. Later, her team attended Financial English Competition, she in charge of the vital part which the competitor must analysis the latest international finance events given by the question-master in English. Thanks to her agile mind and strong English proficiency, she made a profound and comprehensive analysis, with good teamwork, finally her team won the second place in the competition.
Based on her performance, I believe Nie is a qualified candidate for your program. Should be of any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
XXX professor
Last edited by vincenthsu; 09/11/11 02:40 AM.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,944 Likes: 3 |
I see a couple sentence construction things. But I'll let
people with more perspicacity go first, as I'm sure they'll
do a better job. If not, then I'll have a go.
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
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A sister to be proud of.... Vincent.
Are you going to include the original letter as well as the transcript. I think thats important.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12
stranger
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OP
stranger
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12 |
Thanks both of you for your attention!!:)
Thanks,Candy!!Indeed,a sister to be proud of...The original letter wrote in chinese.I'am not sure if you guys read chinese.So...
But i think it's ok without the original letter.Just working on this english version and polishing a little bit!!!:)
Thank you guys again!!
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Joined: Jan 2002
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veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
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I don't know that perfect English from the reviewer is as important as sincerity - so long as the letter is clear. However, here are a few suggestions, which you should accept or disregard according to your own judgment.
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Dear Sir and Madam:
It is a great pleasure to write this letter of reference on behalf of Nie to support her application to study in your university.
I am the vice dean of International Finance School and Nie is one of my outstanding students majoring in Finance.
I first came to know Nie in 2009 when I taught her in a course on Finance. As an undergraduate student, Nie has left me a deep impression of her intellect, devotion and passion for the field. In addition to the issues we talk about in class, sometimes she would come to my office to discuss some of the latest issues in the finance. She expresses her ideas clearly and has good analytical skills. With her passion for study , she did very well in her final exam. She has a good personality, but she vigorously defends her opinions.
Nie has also demonstrated a high degree of leadership capacity, drive and organizational skill in her active participation in the campus activities. In 2009, she represented her class in the Finance Knowledge Contest. As the team leader, she was ambitious and made adequate preparation for which she consulted experts, collected information and helped training her team. Just several days before the contest, she contracted a serious cold, got a fever and finally was sent to hospital. Her team-mates thought she would just quit and all their efforts would be in vain. But surprising she insisted on continuing to work. Their devotion swept them to a championship. Later, her team attended Financial English Competition and she was in charge of a vital part in which the competitor must analyze the latest international finance events given by the question-master in English. Thanks to her agile mind and strong English proficiency, she made a profound and comprehensive analysis, with good teamwork. Her team won the second place in that competition.
Based on her performance, I believe Nie is a qualified candidate for your program. If I can provide any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
XXX
Professor and Vice Dean of International Finance School
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12
stranger
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OP
stranger
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12 |
I don't know that perfect English from the reviewer is as important as sincerity - so long as the letter is clear. However, here are a few suggestions, which you should accept or disregard according to your own judgment.
---
Dear Sir and Madam:
It is a great pleasure to write this letter of reference on behalf of Nie to support her application to study in your university.
I am the vice dean of International Finance School and Nie is one of my outstanding students majoring in Finance.
I first came to know Nie in 2009 when I taught her in a course on Finance. As an undergraduate student, Nie has left me a deep impression of her intellect, devotion and passion for the field. In addition to the issues we talk about in class, sometimes she would come to my office to discuss some of the latest issues in the finance. She expresses her ideas clearly and has good analytical skills. With her passion for study , she did very well in her final exam. She has a good personality, but she vigorously defends her opinions.
Nie has also demonstrated a high degree of leadership capacity, drive and organizational skill in her active participation in the campus activities. In 2009, she represented her class in the Finance Knowledge Contest. As the team leader, she was ambitious and made adequate preparation for which she consulted experts, collected information and helped training her team. Just several days before the contest, she contracted a serious cold, got a fever and finally was sent to hospital. Her team-mates thought she would just quit and all their efforts would be in vain. But surprising she insisted on continuing to work. Their devotion swept them to a championship. Later, her team attended Financial English Competition and she was in charge of a vital part in which the competitor must analyze the latest international finance events given by the question-master in English. Thanks to her agile mind and strong English proficiency, she made a profound and comprehensive analysis, with good teamwork. Her team won the second place in that competition.
Based on her performance, I believe Nie is a qualified candidate for your program. If I can provide any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
XXX
Professor and Vice Dean of International Finance School
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Awesome！I believe that my sister will benefit a lot from the revise which you made for her. Thanks a lot,TheFallibleFiend 
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 9,944 Likes: 3 |
----please, draw me a sheep----
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526
veteran
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veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,526 |
Let's try again:
Dear Sir and Madam:
It is a great pleasure to write this letter of reference on behalf of Nie to support her application to study in your university.
I am the vice dean of International Finance School and Nie is one of my outstanding students majoring in Finance.
I first came to know Nie in 2009 when I taught her in a course on Finance. As an undergraduate student, Nie has left me a deep impression of her intellect, devotion and passion for the field. In addition to the issues we talk about in class, sometimes she would come to my office to discuss some of the latest issues in the finance. She expresses her ideas clearly and has good analytical skills. With her passion for study , she did very well in her final exam. She has a good personality, while vigorously defending her opinions.
Nie has also demonstrated a high degree of leadership capacity, drive and organizational skill in her active participation with academic activities. In 2009, she represented her class in the Finance Knowledge Contest. As the team leader, she was ambitious and made adequate preparation for which she consulted experts, collected information and helped train her team. Just several days before the contest, she contracted a serious cold, got a fever and finally was sent to hospital. Her team-mates thought she would just quit and all their efforts would be in vain. But surprisingly she insisted on continuing to work. Their devotion swept them to a championship. Later, her team attended Financial English Competition and she was in charge of a vital part in which the competitors were required to analyze the latest international finance events given by the question-master in English. Thanks to her agile mind and strong English proficiency, she made a profound and comprehensive analysis, with good teamwork. Her team won the second place in that competition.
Based on her performance, I believe Nie is a qualified candidate for your program. If I can provide any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
XXX
Professor and Vice Dean of International Finance School
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Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 2,154 |
I would suggest "to discuss some of the latest issues in finance." rather than "in the finance.
In addition the original letter does say "While, I have to mention that she is girl of little obstinacy. When someone argue with her, she always stick to her ground. Besides this, she has good personality. "
Anyone receiving a reference letter like this will expect to see some mention of weaknesses as well as strengths, and this is a very minor one. In fact many university people will see it as a positive trait. I would translate this section as: "I must mention that she can be a little obstinate and holds her ground in an argument but otherwise has a good personality."
Best wishes to your sister, she does indeed sound like someone to be proud of.
Last edited by Zed; 09/14/11 05:55 AM.
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Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 13,803 |
In addition the original letter does say "While, I have to mention that she is girl of little obstinacy. When someone argue with her, she always stick to her ground. Besides this, she has good personality. "
Anyone receiving a reference letter like this will expect to see some mention of weaknesses as well as strengths, and this is a very minor one. In fact many university people will see it as a positive trait. I would translate this section as: "I must mention that she can be a little obstinate and holds her ground in an argument but otherwise has a good personality." Just another viewpoint here on this matter. I would take "she is girl of little obstinacy" to mean that she is very rarely obstinate. This would suggest to me that the case of standing her ground in an argument was the only exception to her general lack of obstinacy. Zed's offering, to me, suggests that her obstinacy is a little more common and her standing her ground in an argument is just an example of this trait. BTW, if you go with your original it should be "When someone argue s with her, she always stick s to her ground."
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