#28229
05/17/2001 8:27 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack, Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."Dammit, Satin, my sides are hurting! WHERE did you find this one?  [tears-streaming-down-the-cheeks -e]
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#28230
05/17/2001 10:14 AM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609
addict
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addict
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609 |
He wants to borrow $30,000.00
not a shaggy dog, but a true story. Recently, Nick Roveta, a university student in UK, asked his bank for an overdraft of GBP £150. The letter confirming this stated "I am pleased to inform you that an overdraft limit of £30,651,575 has been arranged on your account. I hope you will find this helpful."
If only my bank were so helpful.
Rod
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#28231
05/17/2001 8:24 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
"I am pleased to inform you that an overdraft limit of £30,651,575 has been arranged on your account. I hope you will find this helpful."What a great bank. At today's exchange rate, he could have bought Zild for that, and then bludged off the IMF when repayment time came around. 
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#28232
05/20/2001 10:07 PM
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,409 |
The following was so awful, I just had to share it. Come back TEd! Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally, one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like this, but while he was thinking of being a prawn again, a flash of lightning struck the water next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.(The punchline does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse!). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark" came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,"It's me,Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again." Christian replied, "No way, man. You'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy. I will not be tricked ". Justin cried back "No I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed......... .... I'm a prawn again, Christian...!!!
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#28233
05/21/2001 4:08 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Max, that was shrimply terrible!
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#28234
05/21/2001 4:35 PM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773
Pooh-Bah
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Pooh-Bah
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,773 |
Yup. He deserves a shellacking for it.
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#28235
05/21/2001 4:39 PM
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 11,613 |
Yup. He deserves a shellacking for it.
Oh, no--such a drastic solution is imprawnderable.
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#28236
05/22/2001 1:08 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 819 |
Yup. He deserves a shellacking for it.
Oh, no--such a drastic solution is imprawnderable
"Just don't krill him, or you'll be in a whale of a lot of trouble," said Rumpole of the Baleen.
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#28237
05/22/2001 6:17 AM
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 3,146 |
Uh oh. There's something dead fishy about the tone of this thread now! [sniff-sniff -e]
The idiot also known as Capfka ...
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#28238
06/13/2001 10:43 AM
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609
addict
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addict
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 609 |
I searched AWAD and didn't find it already posted so here goes. A man was driving late one night and caught in his headlights was a rabbit. The man tried to swerve to avoid it but the rabbit jumped too, and the man felt the thump. He stopped and got out, and there just in front of the car was the rabbit, dead. Being a wimp, sorry, a compassionate human being, the man started crying. Just then another car drove up, and stopped. The woman driver saw that the man was crying over the dead rabbit and said "Don't worry - I can fix that!" and reached into her handbag (purse in US?), took out an aerosol can, and sprayed the rabbit. After a few seconds the rabbit started moving, shook itself and started hopping down the road, stopping every few feet to turn and wave at them until it disappeared in the distance. "That was amazing!" said the man, "What was in the can?" The woman showed him the label and the man read "Revives Dead Hair, Adds Permanent Wave".  Rod
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#28239
06/15/2001 6:53 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661
Carpal Tunnel
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Carpal Tunnel
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,661 |
In the far away land of Trid there lived an ogre. Not just any ogre. This one had size 14 shoes and he was fast. To ease the growing pains when he was young, he learned that he could kick something and it would numb the hurting. He never lost his habit of kicking things, and when he got his first gig of terrorizing the good people of Trid at the Brookin Bridge, it became his signature toll: you may pass but I’m gonna kick you in the ass. Most people thought it was a small price to pay until they got one of those size 14’s up the wazoo. The people would be willing to try the trip once or twice but the people of Trid were basically a lazy bunch, and sitting around on their collective butts hadn't become fun anymore.
One day a rabbi came to town on a pilgrimage and was greeted by apologies about the toll fee. The rabbi responded that he had not paid a fee. Well, the town elders, a bit surprised, went along with the rabbi to see if this had become true. They all walked up to edge of the Brookin Bridge, and the fastest of the elders took a run across the bridge. He barely got half way across and the ogre buzzed out from under and planted a stiff kick on his backside, and just as quickly disappeared. The rabbi ran accross to help the elder up to his feet, and to the ammazement of all else, the ogre did not appear. The rabbi walked to the middle of the bridge and yelled over the side to the ogre “ Why do you allow me to pass unscathed yet no others?” . A tiny voice from the under the bridge proclaimed ”Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids".
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#28240
06/16/2001 2:05 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 87
journeyman
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journeyman
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 87 |
(Sound of rummaging off stage.)
Our hero: Drat, misplaced the clippers again.
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#28241
06/18/2001 4:58 AM
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 618
addict
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addict
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 618 |
We are all familiar with the great deeds of Mahatma Ghandi. And it is a well known fact that he used to walk around without shoes, to better understand the suffering of others. As such, over time his feet became very hard. He also went on numerous hunger strikes in protest over the treatment of his people. He hence was very weak and often poorly. And when he did eat, his diet was poor, as he had given away all of his money to help others. Because of his poor diet, he also developed bad breath.
He was a much loved man, and was known to all his friends as ... wait for it ...
a super-calloused fragile mystic with plagues of halitosis.
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