Dear Max: I am indeed irritated by that dumb critter that wants to help me write letters. But even worse are the hidden macro keys I touch accidentally, that I have trouble getting rid of. But I can make Word work well enough I just don't get mad enough to change.
It reminded me of when we went to computers at the newspaper. Frustration was inevitable and it was late evening when someone gave in and typed a command to the computer "Fuck You!" The screen blinked and on the screen came the phrase "Your place or mine?" There are two answers and as we ALL duplicated the question with either "mine" or "yours" the same answer came on screen. "Not today, dear, I have a headache." Nice sense of humor those ATEX programmers had ... and obviously they knew frustration levels of learners and what we would do to release it! "Yell" at the computer. And thanks for the new thread ...it is #5, by the way. wow
I've just been pushed over to our 2000 server & am going through all the crap involved in being one of the first . Like having to find email lists & finding / setting readable font's instead of the defaults(sp?), in addition to my job of course.
You're welcome. I am in a very cheerful mood, unlike the poor, tired, Hoddled masses, one of whom is Aboard as I speak. To one who knows of what I am speaking, ha ha, told ya so, enjoy your exile!
I, for one, have no problem with Word, besides sometimes not recognizing a word. The first and only time I ever saw the paperclip guy was 4 years ago, on a school computer. He has never since made any contact with me whatsoever. He probably was scared out of his wits by the fact that I didn't need his help.
Time back way back when you could tell what response time was going to be by looking at the blinking lights on the front panel of the mainframe we used to have Engineering Day when non-computer science/engineering students would be given tours of the School of Engineering. Someone would inevitably type in "fuck you" on one of the terminals available for common use. The system would reply, "Access to processor denied by installation."
I am indeed irritated by that dumb critter that wants to help me write letters.
I am convinced these obnoxious cartoons were added to the M$ (Max) package for no other reason than to give them a personality neanderthals could relate to.
You can easily kill the m_ther f_kers by searching for "actors" on your C: and deleting the folder. voila: I have murdered herds of them this way.
"In the state of Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket."
My sweet paulb, that is so, because when I slip my hand into your hip pocket, I don't want to get all messy.
Okay, where are the gutter police when you need them?
Anyway, just to let anyone who cares know I'll be away for six days ... in Melbourne. Hope it's not illegal to put ice cream in your back pocket there!
It was widely believed time back way back in the '60s that there was a place where it was the law that if two trains met at a railroad crossing, both had to stop and neither was allowed to restart until the other had passed.
In the real world and during that same time period we were once faced with a law which did not permit us to move from the bar to a booth or table carrying our own drinks. We had to get the barmaid* (as she was then known) to carry the drinks for us.
*If you think that's bad Ænigma wants to call her barn.
Thanks for the funny stuff, everyone! It is much appreciated at this time in which I am up to my neck with papers and revision. Sadly, not much time is left me for wandering through these blessed threads, not to mention contribute to them... but I do peek in every once in a while... Marianna the Mad Grad
Knowing that our Ms. A. is quite busy, I shall step into the breach:
The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fitA hissy fit is much milder, and is usually gone into over something petty, such as a certain Zilder sneaking in a post while I 'uz still typin' mine. But sometimes conniptions are thrown over something that's only worth a hissy. I take a conniption fit if my access to the internet goes down.
Pretty much how many fish make up a mess8 to 13
What general direction cattywumpus issideways for Sunday
How long "directly" is---As in "Going to town, be back directly."That's "treckly", or "t'reckly": whenever I get good and ready.
That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar Nuh-uh--that's gimme a kiss, Sweetcakes!
When "by and by" isDepends on the subject matter. If you're talkin' about, say, when the next meal will be ready or when the mail delivery is expected, by and by means sometime today. If you're talkin' about when you expect the next rain or visit from Aunt Martha (often indistinguishable from each other), it could be several weeks.
How to handle their "pot likker"No problem, it's just the cabbage water.
Long sleeved shirts should always be rolled up past the elbowWell, yeah. 'Lessen you're headin' to the dance.
The best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of cold potato saladYup--we don't hold no truck with that slimy warm stuff. German "potato salad" doesn't even deserve the name.
The difference between "pert nigh" and "a right fur piece"Well, now, this one orter be obvious! Except pert nigh isn't restricted to distance. If it's pert nigh on to noon, it's about dinnertime.
The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trashA redneck wears a plaid shirt, has a weird haircut, and is invariably Republican. A good ol' boy can be of either party, and makes his or her way along by who they know, not what they do. Poor white trash will vote for whichever party will increase welfare benefits.
Don't assume the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to turn 'Course not! They've prob'ly got the radio up so loud they can't hear the click--click.
Never to go snipe hunting twiceNope--fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Southern ladies Along the same lines, some time ago I read a list of characteristics of a true southern lady. I certainly don't remember all of them, Jackie probably does, but here are a few:
- A southern lady uses only sterling silver for a formal dinner and it's inherited, not bought. - A lady never uses dark meat in chicken salad. - A lady makes her own biscuits from scratch. (in Maryland, this means "beaten biscuits", the recipe for which includes the following: "Put the dough on a tree stump [or butcher-block table, for modern cooks] and beat with the flat side of an axe for 3/4 of an hour."
You all might be interested to know (or maybe not, but I'm going to tell you anyway) that we have snipe hunts around here too. The Pennsylvania Dutchies call them "elderdritch" or "elbadritch" hunts. Never been on one myself, but I hear they're good fun, at least for the initiated members of the party.
There is such a thing as hunting snipe. They have a very erratic flight, and were a challenge to expert wing shots. But there was also a disagreeable practical joke involving tricking gullible persons into holding a bag open allegedly to catch the snipe, and then leaving them, pretending that the snipe would be driven towards them. From this comes the phrase to "leave someone holding the bag".
we were once faced with a law which did not permit us to move from the bar to a booth or table carrying our own drinks.
New Hampshire had the same law. On Sunday the bar 'room" had to be closed. You could get an alcoholic drink only if you were having something to eat AND if the bar "room" was used for dining on Sunday, the bar itself could not be viewable by the diners. Curtains were rigged or collapasible walls drawn across. Additionally women could not sit at a bar, any day, any time. Those "Blue Laws" were rescinded years ago. wow
blue laws refers to set of laws layed down in one of the NE colonies-- that were for some reason-- written on blue paper-- many of the laws concerned alcohol consuption and sale, and what could or could not be done on the sabbath..
the blue paper was a special process to paper making-- and the same blue paper was used to wrap up "Sugar loaves"-- (shaped like sugar loaf mountain (Brazil?)) it was an expensive paper.
(I like to think it was NY that had the laws first written on the blue paper, and it was my fair city that gave rise to the term-- but i have no facts to back me up!)
i stumbled upon this last night, and found it amusing. my intention was to post responsive to Sparteye's "Poison Pen" thread, but i was daunted by the length of the thread and am thus sharing it here:
Those with thin, wiry, cold blooded, prominent features should marry round- featured, warm hearted and emotional types. The cool will unite the warmth.
Those with bright red hair and a florid complexion have an excitable temperment and should marry those with jet-black hair or a brunette.
The very fined hair, soft and delicate should not marry those like themselves.
The curly-haired should unite with those that have smooth straight hair.
The extremely irritable, nervous person should unite with the sympathetic, slow and quiet type. This way, the excitable will be quieted by the gentleness of the other.
The quick -motioned, rapid speaking person should marry the calm and deliberate type..
The warmly impulsive should unite with the stoical.
Those who don't fit into specific categories (not short nor tall, not brunette nor blond) who are more of an average type, may marry those who are similar in form to themselves.
of troy explains: blue laws refers to set of laws layed down in one of the NE colonies-- that were for some reason-- written on blue paper-- many of the laws concerned alcohol consumption and sale, and what could or could not be done on the sabbath...
Be that as it may, I've always wondered how the theatrical term "going blue" originated to describe the use of profanity onstage. Somehow I subconsciously drew a link between blue laws and going blue, but alas, I have nothing to substantiate my assumption. I suppose ICLIU, but it might make for some interesting conversation... Anyone?
Just heard on radio that the newest version of Mac software the annoying paper clip "Are you writing a letter? May I help?" is being abolished. Seems that there is also on online announcement with the voice of actor/comic Gilbert Godfrey protesting the banishment of Paper Clip. The mind boggles!
One can't help but wonder what Gates has in mind ... aside from seling more software to desperate users. wow
Our software at work allows you to change your wizard icon to other characters, the only two of which I remember are a cartoon cat and a dog. Both a bit too cute for my taste. I simply hide the annoying wizard.
NO sense of humor, those academic programmers. I liked the ATEX response much more better.
I do not think so! MatLab,which serves the purpose of academicians, gives most stupid answers to the question `why'. Here are some:
The computer did it. Some not very bald very rich system manager wanted it. To fool the smart and smart programmer. Why not? You insisted on it. A system manager obeyed the not very tall mathematician. It is be obvious. It is beyond the scope of this discussion.
The best one I have found: `R.T.F.M.'
Here is the reply one gets for `mailstat', a Linux command. `Most people don't type their own logfiles; but, what do I care?'
Max, YART y'all! hehehe* (Meanwhile: thanks, Jackie, for leaping into the breach)
"It is not unusual to find a strong, confident woman who thrives on progress and innovation. It is unusual, however, to find a strong, confident woman who tempers that toughness with a generous amount of grace and charm. Even more unusual is a woman with those traits who also clings to tradition, deeply treasures family and cherishes history and heirlooms.
Unusual that is, unless you’re in the South where these women are everywhere."
And some operating systems are much more literary in their messages. BEOS has a web browser called NetPositive (which I suppose might be available separately) which provides normal error messages but each one is accompanied with a haiku (Japanese three-part poem normally with 17 syllables.) And there are multiple haiku (see I remembered the plural) for the same situation. For example, for "Site not Found" you might get:
The website you seek is beyond our perception But others await.
or
With searching comes loss and the presence of absence The site is not found.
or
You step in the stream, But the water has moved on The site is not here.
I've always wondered how the theatrical term "going blue" originated to describe the use of profanity onstage.
To make the air blue: a vigorous and plentiful use of cuss words. According to Charles Funk, the origination of the meaning is a matter of guesswork, but he traces the blue/obscene association back through associations with blue devils (1616) and the plague (1742). Joseph Roppolo, of Tulane University, associates the devil/blue meaning with blue blazes = hell, and hence to obscene.
On the other hand, I recall reading someone's explanation that the smokey atmosphere of the places in which obscene entertainment was presented lead to the blue association.
A pal with a really wicked sense of humor sent me this: How good are you on "COMMON KNOWLEDGE?" No cheating! No looking around; no using anything on or in your desk. Can you beat 18 right? (The average.) Write down your answers and check after completing all the questions. Remember now no cheating! It is not as easy as it seems. Answers are at the end. Good luck!
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom? 2. How many states are there? (Don't laugh, some people don't know) 3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch? 4. What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label? 5. What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!) 6. What 2 numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them? 7. When you walk does your left arm swing w/your right or left leg? 8. How many matches are in a standard pack? 9. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white? 10. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? 11. Which way does water go down the drain, counter-or clockwise? 12. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run? 13. How many channels on a VHF TV dial? 14. Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on? 15. On an NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom? 16. Which way do fans rotate? 17. Whose face is on a dime? 18. How many sides does a stop sign have? 19. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side? 20. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel? 21. How many sides are there on a standard pencil? 22. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing? 23. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package? 25. On which playing card is the cardmaker's trademark? 26. On which side of a standard venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats? 27. On the back of a $1 bill, what is in the center? 28. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits? 29. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip? 30. Does a merry-go-round turn counter-or clockwise?
----------------------------------------------------------- Don't Look at answers until you complete all the questions: ----------------------------------------------------------- Answers: 1. Bottom 2. 50 (please tell me you at least got this one!) 3. Right 4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold 5. Q, Z 6. 1, 0 7. Right 8. 20 9. Red 10. 88 11. Counter (unless you happen to be south of the equator) 12. Towards bottom right 13. 12 (no #1) 14. Left 15. Top 16. Clockwise as you look at it 17. Roosevelt (FDR) 18. 8 19. Left 20. 5 21. 6 22. Bashful 23. 8 24. Did you notice there wasn't one ? 25. Ace of spades 26. Left 27. ONE 28. *, # 29. 3 30. Counter How did you do? wow (23 without cheating)
Hey, wow nice quiz. I started on it before realising that there were too many US-centric questions for me to be able to score a less than humiliating mark. Then I realised that the number of US-specific questions could serve as an excuse for my low score on the ones I ought to have known, like not remembering which hand the SOL's torch is in.
I enjoyed your quiz, wow, but I must take issue with the quizmongers regarding one of the answers. As to question #11, "Which way does water go down the drain, counter-or clockwise?" the correct answer is "either, regardless of the hemisphere you are in."
As summarized in The Straight Dope,
The boring truth is that water drains every which way no matter what hemisphere you're in, for reasons which have to do mostly with the shape of the drain, the way you poured in the water in the first place, and so on.
Persons interested in the details can find the discussion at
water go down the drain, counter-or clockwise That's why the answer says : 11. Counter (unless you happen to be south of the equator)
I know the quiz is US-centric but it's got the kind of questions that surprises you about things you are sure you know!
Don't worry Max, I really had to think about the Lady Liberty torch question and then I got it wrong too. The other one that really threw me was #28. But (looking smug while patting self on the back -e) I did NOT look at the phone sitting on my desk. Sigh-ning off wow
I, too, wish to take exception to the common knowedge quiz: four of the 50 "states" are aptually® (hi, tsuwm) commonwealths, though that had nothing to do with my scoring lower than wow.
My sister-in-law just sent me the following. I make no claim as to its validity. A couple of my answers were on the mark, and a couple more were creepily off.
The Dalai Lama Personality Test
This test is very exciting. It only has four (4) questions, and you'll be surprised about the results! Please do not scroll your screens to know the results before starting.
The human mind is like an umbrella: it works better when it opens. It is fun to answer the questions, but please follow the instructions. MAKE A WISH BEFORE STARTING THE TEST. Caution! Answer the questions step by step. This test has only four questions, but if you see the answers before finishing, your results will not be honest or accurate.
Scroll your screen slowly and write down your answers.
This is a serious questionnaire that will tell you a lot about your inner self.
First, order the following animals according to your preference: a) Cow; b)Tiger; c) Sheep; d) Horse; e) Pig.
Second, write a word that describes each of the following: a) Dog; b) Cat; c) Rat; d) Coffee; e) Ocean.
Third, think about someone (who also knows you and is important to you), that can be related to the following colors (do not repeat your answers.)
Name only one person per color: a) Yellow; b)Orange; c)Red; d) White; e)Green.
Finally, write down your favorite number, as well as your favorite weekday.
Did you finish? Verify that all your answers are accurate. Last chance to verify... ===========================================================
I shall add a bit here, to make a visual break before going down to the answers. Normally I simply delete all these things that say Pass this on and your wishes will be granted, etc. But there seems to be some interest here in taking quizzes, so I thought I'd put this as it is a bit different. I wonder if the Dalai Lama really said any of this? ===========================================================
This will define your priorities in life: Cow: means career. Tiger: means pride. Sheep: means love. Horse: means family. Pig: means money.
Your description of Dog implies your own personality. Your description of Cat implies your spouse or couple's personality. Your description of Rat implies the personality of your enemies. Your description of Coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of Ocean implies your own life.
Yellow: Someone you will never forget. Orange: Someone you could consider a good friend. Red: Someone you really love. White: Your twin soul. Green: Someone you will remember all your life.
Send this message to as many persons as your favorite number, and your wish will be granted on your favorite day. This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the millennium, and it only takes a few minutes to read and think about it.
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Max) package for no other reason than to give them a personality neanderthals could relate to.
(Meanwhile: thanks, Jackie, for leaping into the breach)
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