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I shall give up; my head hurts.
There, there, Dear. Lie back with a warm compress on your head. I shall give you just one simple fact:
the offense is the team that is trying to get the ball to the goal. The defense is trying to keep them from reaching that goal: 'defending' it.
(Uh oh--one more sneaking in: that's OFF-fense, not of-FENSE, in this usage). And, at least in the south, it's DEE-fense.)
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