Thanks Maverick. As foreshadowed, I have transcribed some gems from Gerard Hoffnung’s talk at the Oxford Union in 1958 which included the hilarious ‘bricklayer’s story’ and some replies received from Tyrolean landlords to letters seeking accommodation. For best effect, these should be read aloud, in a declamatory voice, to a responsive audience:
- I am honourable to accept your impossible request. Unhappy it is I have here not bedroom with bath, but bathroom with bed I have. I can, though, give you a washing, with pleasure, in a most clean spring with no person to see. I insist that you will like this.
- I am amazing diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a commodious chamber with balcony imminent to the romantic gorge, and I hope you want to drop in.
- A vivacious stream washes my doorstep, so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath, I am superb in bed.
- Sorrowfully, I cannot abide your auto.
- Having freshly taken over the proprietary of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume. Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a French widow in every bedroom – affording delightful prospects. I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here you shall be well fed up and agreeably drunk. Our charges for weekly visitors are scarcely creditable. Peculiar arrangements for gross parties. Our motto is ‘Ever serve you right’.
