by Rolaine Hochstein (Ms. Magazine)

˜Twas the night before Christmas and, darling, don't ask.
Hercules would have collapsed at the task.
My head was in circles with so much to do
For a family of five and Saint Nicholas, too.
The house was a mess with the children so hearty
And Dad was delayed at this company party.
The kids danced around me proclaiming their wishes
While I was still up to my elbows in dishes.
And as I cleaned up from the little folks' dinners,
I wondered just what I would do for beginners:
I thought of the wrapping of gifts by the dozens,
Of cooking tomorrow for twenty-three cousins,
Of trimming the tree and of cleaning the house,
Of fixing a Bromo to give to my spouse,
Of shining the silver, the copper, the brass,
Of washing and rinsing and polishing glass,
Of strewing the tinsel and peeling tomatoes
And hanging the holly and mashing potatoes,
Of slicing the stringbeans and icing the tarts,
Combining the olives and celery hearts,
Of tossing the salad and baking the pies
And stretching the table to double its size.
The trays were prepared and the punch bowl was handy,
The brandied plum pudding was soaking in brandy.
The night was still young I had nothing to dread,
But thoughts of catastrophe danced in my head:
The baby needs bathing, the cloth needs a pressing,
The rug need a vacuum, the turkey needs dressing,
My hair needs a setting, the children are fretful,
And where is my husband and why so forgetful?
I was just on the border of losing my poise
When out on the lawn there arose a great noise.
Away through the doorway I flew on the double
Atremble lest hubby had tripped into trouble.
The lawn was as green as the first day in May;
We had not had a snowfall so how come the sleigh?
Instead of my husband, this cool little chap
In black leather boots and a plaid golfing cap,
With sideburns and moustache and velveteen vest
And a Celebrate Life button pinned on his chest.
His smile was so dapper, his bright eyes so gleaming.
And was that a joint in his hand? Or me dreaming?
But when I caught on to the look in his eye
I knew it was Santa himself, flying high.
The reindeer were champing and chafing their bits
So quick as a flash, I collected my wits.
I saw there was room for one more in the sleigh
And I stuck out a thumb and said, "Going my way?"
Whereupon Santa Claus, with a mischievous grin,
Tossed out his toy sack and bade me, "Hop in!"
It was just what I needed: a Christmas vacation,
My very first flight into Mom's Liberation.
I sang a refrain as we sped from the sphere:
"Happy Christmas to all and I'll see you next year."